Geek Bride

It's been a loooooooooong ass time...

2010-10-07T13:07:00.003-04:00

Since I last posted. Sorry about that. What happened? Well...

It's a weird story. Basically, my father in law (henceforth FIL for those not familiar with the internet shorthand) got remarried. Except he did it in the most ass way possible.

I knew he had been on some dates. But he didn't every really talk about them. If Josh called and he wasn't home, when the call was returned, he said he was hanging out at his friend's house. With no reason to think he was hiding anything I believed him.

Then, last June he called and told Josh he had a girlfriend and had had a girlfriend for about six months. Ok. That was a revalation that was going to take some time to process. So the processing began and the emotions started churning and as anyone who has ever lost a parent or parent in law knows, it's effing hard when the remaining parent moves into the dating stage.

So the processing was going along ok until he called a week, maybe two weeks, later and dropped the bombshell that they were getting married.

Yeah.

So suffice it to say that really, really fucked me up emotionally. I want to be clear here, I had no reservations about his choice of person, I know my FIL is a sensible person and he's not going to marry a jerk or a gold digger or anything like that. I also knew that he would remarry at some point and that is ok. But well, when you hide your dating, then hide your girlfriend then decide to marry her before either of us have ever laid eyes on her, that's fucked up. Really, really fucked up.

We met her shortly thereafter and yes, she was perfectly nice, and yes I do like her quite a bit, but it's taken about a year to stop feeling like he punched me in the gut, kicked Josh in balls, ran over my cats with a steam roller and set fire to my house. I know he didn't mean to hurt me this bad, but well, he did and that takes a while to recover from.

So that really effed me up in the head. I went six months and didn't do a lick of cross stitch. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, i'm back now, and thought I would start up the ol' blog again. There have been other developments, but i'll fill you in on those later. (Spolier alert: NO I am NOT pregnant!)

So I Bought This Skirt...

2009-06-25T09:31:00.003-04:00

And i'm not sure how I feel about it.

I got it from Sierra Trading Post so it was cheap. That's good.
I washed it the first time and part of the hem has come undone. That's bad.

It's a polyester/linen blend so I can machine wash it. That's good.
It's more linen than poly so it wrinkles like a mofo. That's bad.

It's a really pretty light yellow. That's good.
It's practically see through so I had to buy a half slip to wear with it. That's bad.

I got my choice of toppings. That's good.
The toppings contain potassium benzoate. That's bad.

Yes, you can go now.

I Know You're Dying to Know...

2009-06-23T08:59:00.002-04:00

What I will be watching this summer now that Bridezillas and I are done for real. Now that i've packed up it's things and left them on the porch for them to pick up while i'm at work. Now that i've unfreinded them on Facebook. Now that i've not answered their calls enough for them to stop calling completely. It's time to move on and what's summer without TV? So in no particular order...

Expedition Africa

This isn't my usual TV fare, but I caught part of the first episode and I was hooked. I would like a little more information, like why these particular experts were chosen for this show and why they're trying to recreate Stanley's expedition, and why they're trying to do it in 30 days when it took him nine months, but whatever. Plus you have to love in the opening when an anonymous hand takes a magnifying glass and swirls it over a drawing of Stanley. It's so fast I missed it the first few episodes but I caught it yesterday and rewound to see it again and again. So corny! It cracked my ass up! And the dangers are my kind of dangers, bug bites, parasites, malaria, all things I have a morbid fascination with. So this has taken the place of Bridezillas in my Sunday night 10 pm slot.

16 and Pregnant

I can sum this one up in one word: schadenfreude. I know it's not nice, but well, I feel better knowing that i'm not 16 and pregnant and I don't have a pregnant 16 year old to deal with. Plus, you have to admit there isn't much in life that provides more drama than a teenage pregnancy. Two episodes in I feel a lot of admiration for the first girl profiled, Maci, and a lot of stabbiness for her baby daddy Ryan, and a mix of the two for the second girl Farrah. I'm hooked.

Obsessed

No surprises here right? This is Intervention for Psych majors. And in my case former Psych majors. I love that they are profiling people with different types of OCD, not just people who are washing their hands 50 times a day, I love that the process is explained to the audience, I love the therapists, and I really feel for all the people who are getting help. Well, except for the guy who worked out 10 times a day. He was annoying and didn't really seem to want help. But otherwise I dare you to watch this show and not think "That poor person. Thank goodness they're getting help."

Intervention

Again, no surprises here. I've been watching Intervention for the past year or so and I really do enjoy the show. The past season I think it's gone down hill a little bit. The people profiled have gotten a little less sympathetic, and in this second half of the season the only subjects I found really compelling were the anorexic twins. But whatever, I still love Candy Finnegan, Ken is growing on me and last night was the triumphant return of the incomperable Jeff Van Vonderan. I'll keep watching. I love this show like crazy!

Kendra

File this one under B for Brain Candy. I didn't watch The Girls Next Door regularly, but if there was nothing else on (and there wasn't one rainy night in an Asheboro hotel room) I would watch it. And really, I did enjoy it. Hell, it was the rare reality show that didn't involve people screaming and fighting with each other. They actually got along and seemed to like each other. So now Kendra has found love with a football player and must make a life outside the Playboy Mansion and of course hilarity will ensue. If you want a half hour vaction for your brain watch Kendra. It won't disappoint.

Flipping Out

This show isn't back yet, but it will be and I will watch it. Why? Mostly because i'm not sure about Jeff Lewis and i'm hoping this season will give me enough information to decide if he really is OCD in his personality or if he's just an asshole. Last season I waffled between the two and finally had to throw up my hands and say I Just Don't Know. I guess i'm also somewhat interested in how Jeff's business is doing with the financial crisis, and how Jenny is now that her marriage is over, but mostly I just want another crack at figuring Jeff out. And I want to see Zoila. I love Zoila! Go Zoila! Go Zoila!

The Golden Girls

Yes The Golden Girls. This is a great show! I've probably seen every episode 10 times, but they're still as funny and touching as they were when I watched them as a kid. I actually started watching them again by accident. I was looking for something to watch in the evening instead of Gordon Ramsey's F Word, which I couldn't get into, and Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, which I love, but have seen every episode 50 times. I found The Golden Girls on WE and now i'm hooked all over again.

So there you go. Even though i've moved on from Bridezillas I still have a rich TV gumbo to sup on this summer. Because summer is about being inside, cut off from the world, and not really discovering any thing new.

TV Break Up: Bridezillas

2009-06-16T11:42:00.002-04:00

I just can't do it y'all. I can't watch this season of Bridezillas. I watched last season out of desperation and stuck with it until the end but that was it. Last season when the preview would run at the end of the episode I kept hoping that the next week would be the end. I watched about six episodes that I had hoped would be the season finale.

I didn't decide then not to watch this season, but I was pretty annoyed by the show and glad it was over. What bothered me last season more than anything was the overwhelming fakeness of it all. There were just too many people on the show who were obviously acting and acting badly at that. I'm not stupid, I know most "reality" TV is scripted to a certain extent and that producers and editors play with footage to make a compelling story, but this was just sad.

Even sadder was that the commercials for the current season were enough to turn me off this time. The woman throwing flowers and dramatically smashing a cake was so fake I was out right then. I deleted my timer for Bridezillas and have not looked back.

I know it seems silly, but it does make me sad. The first season of Bridezillas was so very good. But after that it became a typical reality show that should have been titled Low Class Bitches and the Pathetic Men Who Marry Them.

So goodbye Bridezillas. And good riddance.

I'm Going to Go Out on a Limb Here and Call it a Comeback.

2009-05-14T10:28:00.002-04:00

So a while back I posted rather crypticly about my new meds for my sleep disorder. Well now i'm saying it loud and proud, i've been on Xyrem.

Xyrem is a pretty controversial drug. It's basically GHB. Yes, the date rape drug. I've been taking roofies now for four months. And I feel awesome.

I don't feel awesome on the drug itself. I've been drunk twice in my life and i've never even smoked weed, so not feeling in control of my body is really strange and sort of unpleasant. But the Xyrem puts me into the deep, restful sleep I wasn't getting before and I feel so. Much. Better.

I wake up at a reasonable time in the morning now. I get through my day at work without feeling like i'm in a sleep deprivation experiment going on hour 30. I feel sleepy when I get home from work, and sometimes I lay down to rest, but i'm no longer sleeping 3-4 hours every afternoon. Most of the time I lay down for half an hour or so and get back up since I don't go to sleep and actually feel restless laying in bed. My biggest problem has been figuring out what to do with the afternoons I used to spend asleep.

A few weeks ago I spent my Saturday afternoon in the back yard with my bypass loppers and bow saw and trimmed trees that were long neglected. The Crepe Myrtles and Red Tips look like they grow in a yard of an occupied house now, instead of one that's abandoned. I've ripped down Ivy that was trying to take over a wall of my house. I've transplanted the Hostas that the previous owners foolishly planted in the sun to the shade. The only thing stopping me now is lack of money and the 90 degree heat and opressive humidity that is already here in NC.

The inside of the house is getting better too. I cleaned out my dresser and have actually been folding and putting my clothes away once they're washed. I have five bags of old things to go to Goodwill. I still have a lot to do, but now i'm actually getting some things done instead of letting it sit. Again money seems to be the one thing holding me back on most jobs.

But i'm feeling like myself again. Not like the wrung out rag that has been just getting by for the last couple of years. I'm back. And it feels really, really good.

Le Sigh...But it Leads Me to a Good Point

2009-04-29T11:17:00.003-04:00

So last night i'm at a cook out. A cook out where the hot dogs were not coming off the grill as fast as I had hoped. So I was in the kitchen filling up on Scoops and salsa and talking to a couple of people about my Hypersomnia. One person joined us about half way in where I was describing my overwhelming need to sleep. And she goes "Isn't that depression?"

Ok, so aside from the obvious annoyance because no, I saw my psychiatrist the whole time I was on the search for a diagnosis and he re-evaluated me and found my depression to be the same and a real live doctor told me the results of the sleep study that confirmed I have a sleep disorder, this bugged me for another reason.

I've read that Narcolepsy is as common as Parkinson's Disease but that it is terribly underdiagnosed. I can believe that. When I first mentioned Narcolepsy to my primary care doctor as a reason I was so damn sleepy all the time she told me that if I was Narcoleptic I would be nodding off while talking to her. Well, maybe, and maybe not. There isn't a lot of understanding about Hypersomnia and Narcolepsy in the general public and doesn't seem to be much in the general medical community. I was lucky to have a primary care doctor who thought a sleep study was a good idea. But what if I had chalked my sleepiness and lack of interest in things (because I was tired) up to depression? Would a psychiatrist think to consider a sleep disorder if a patient wasn't responding to treatment? I would hope so, but it seems really easy to look at a patient with depression who is sleeping a lot and think that the anti-depressants might me making them more sleepy or not helping and changing the meds ten times until someone gives up or just deals the best they can with the situation.

So what i'm getting at here is if you stumble on this post and you've been seeing a psychiatrist for a while and your depression isn't any better consider that you may have a sleep disorder. You might be surprised at what you find out.

Another Post for Twitter, Which I am Not On.

2009-04-07T18:17:00.003-04:00

I'm watching The Abyss. Why the fuck am I watching this movie?!?!?! It is exactly the kind of movie I HATE because i'm a pussy who can't stand suspense! I'm a nervous wreck over here! That's why i'm on the computer. I normally stitch while watching tv but I can't concentrate enough to stitch while watching this! And you know what else, the black lady in this movie. I know i've seen her somewhere before but I can't place it. Oh wait, I have access to IMDB now. Hang on while I look her up.

Ok, she is Kimberly Scott and I remember her from the days a few years ago when I would watch 7th Heaven so I could eviscerate it on the Television Without Pity boards. She was Greta, the sassy social worker. And now I only have 30 minutes left and I can finally say I watched this darn movie. I saw the beginning years ago on tv, but the whole crane crashing and being trrapped under water thing freaked me the fuck out. I'm clausterphobic in situations like that. I can deal with cramped quaters as long as I know I can get out. Otherwise forget about it. In fact to get through the beginning this time I had to keep looking out the window to impress upon myself that I was not in that horrible place.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and mention that i'm torturing myself. You know, for shits and giggles.

Am I The Only One Who Was Broke BEFORE the Recession?

2009-04-03T11:25:00.004-04:00

So last night I switched purses from my Fall/Winter purse to my Spring/Summer purse. My Spring/Summer purse is the one pictured but pink with brown trim. It's a Nine West and I got it at Ross last year for like $25. As I put everything into it I thought to myself "Heh, i'm Shopping In My Own Closet! Or as I call it Using Something I Already Have Again Because It's Still Good And I've Never Had A Lot Of Money So Reusing An Item From Last Year Isn't An Earth Shaking Concept To Me ASSHOLES!"

I mean really, I know a great majority of Americans were living well beyond their means in the last few years, but did they really never reuse an item? Why is this such a crazy concept that it's become a Whole Thing in any article you read about the economy? Maybe I was the only one broke before the economy went to pot. I don't know. I do know that I love my purse this year as much as last year and it still holds all my crap so why wouldn't I use it again? Or maybe i'm just weird. That's probably it. I'm weird. Oh well, that's ok because I still have a sweet bag bitches!

This Project Was Like Pancakes.

2009-04-02T12:47:00.002-04:00

Mitch Hedberg summed up the deal with pancakes. At first you're excited, then half-way through you're fucking sick of them. So true. And so true of this project. I got the kit years ago for my birthday right after I took up cross stitching. I was excited and started on it but then got sidetracked by The Stargazer. I discovered this one again in my Inauguration/Snow Day and decided to finish it up already. Mostly I enjoyed it. But then I ran out of two colors of floss. So I substituted. Then I ran out of the Dark Purple and could not substitute that and had to email Dimensions for more. A week later the floss came and I was able to finish the last 20 stitches I needed it for. Then came the backstitching, most of it done with gold metallic thread. Four strands of to be exact. And what a surprise, I ran out of that too. This time I was ready to be done with this thing so I used some gold metallic I had rather than send away for more. Of course this metallic didn't want to work well with the french knots I was supposed to have around her head so I said fuck it, it's done! I still think she turned out nicely. Except her face. I'm always disapointed in the face on these smaller kits. I guess the designers don't have a lot of room to work with, but I also think they don't really try that hard either. Some fractional stitches to round out her face would have done a lot to make it look nicer. Oh well, I tried. And again, overall a nice project that is finally done!

So This Week is Already Starting Out Better!

2009-03-30T11:00:00.002-04:00

First of all Jessica C. had her baby! Hooray for her!

And turns out I won a door prize at a vendor fair that was held at work Friday. It's a USB thumb drive! Yea!

Let's hope this is a trend.

Last Week Was a Very, Very, Very Bad Week.

2009-03-30T10:31:00.003-04:00

Monday I met my potential new boss and had a pretty large anxiety attack over that. (Wasted anxiety, she was really cool and I think I would work well with her.)

Tuesday, I think, was ok.

Wednesday I went for a six month cleaning at my dentist and found out I need four more fillings at a cost of $607 dollars. I don't have $607. I do have a Care Credit Card which was almost paid off, but my cleaning was $170 and I didn't have that so i'll be paying GE Money Bank for another year. Oh and of course the super fun time at the dentist while he crams stuff into my teeth holes.

Thursday I went to check in at Manda's Blog to find out she had passed away. Very, very sad.

Friday I got up put on my last clean pair of jeans, my last clean sweatshirt and was about to leave for work when Wally and Jules got into it big time in the kitchen. Wally got his ear scratched pretty bad and in running under the bed to hide got blood on the bedroom door, the wall beside my dresser, the dresser itself, and the carpet, so I was cleaning up blood right before work. Driving to work the gas light on the car came on. Normally we would have been paid on Friday, but the way the days fell this month we will get paid on Tuesday. So low on gas, low on groceries, low on money.

So that's why I didn't post last week. Let's hope this week is better.

I Love You Prilosec...I'll Never Let Those Assholes Take You Away From Me.

2009-03-18T13:56:00.002-04:00

Except that i'm realizing now after a somewhat greasy lunch and a lot of Crystal Light (acidic) that I forgot to take my Prilosec this morning. I have some Rolaids Soft Chews in my desk, but they are child's play compared to the Prilosec. I LOVE the Prilosec. Whenever some numbnut starts bitching about how we all take too many pills I think of my Prilosec and sigh longingly. Water used to give me heartburn. Water! So you can see the whole chaging my diet and drinking more water didn't do much to help. Better living through chemistry y'all.

I'm in my Own Private Hell.

2009-03-16T14:24:00.002-04:00

The person on the other side of my cube is listening to the Hamster Dance for THE SECOND TIME!!! Remember the Hamster dance? Mildly amusing ten years ago? Well, yeah, he just found it and is playing it loudly AGAIN! If he does it a third time i'll be blogging from jail after I bust up his computer and get arrested for destroying state property! Gah!

Finally! A Wall-E Cross Stitch!

2009-03-16T13:54:00.001-04:00

I've waited so long! Hooray!

The Fucker is at it AGAIN!

2009-03-16T13:40:00.002-04:00

More cigar smoke! GAH!!! I'm going to hit this person with my ring hand! And with a 0.86 carat diamond it's GOING TO HURT!

Head Meet Keyboard.

2009-03-16T12:54:00.003-04:00

So i've posted a lot here about my 99% liberal views and my feminist convictions as well as my marriage and other assorted what not. Marriage and Feminism make strange bedfellows, but I never had a conflict in my mind about entering into what was once a very patriarchal institution because Josh and I aren't that way and I felt that our marriage is what we make of it, not what is has been historically and in some cases still is.

But since the only people who read this blog are my Mom, my Sister, and Jessica C. i'm not famous enough to cause a stir with the whole Marriage + Feminism = FREAKOUT as Feministing's Jessica Valenti and Andrew Golis are.

Jezebel has the whole rundown of the brouhaha including the responses of two conservative asses calling her a bridezilla and other assorted insults for deciding to get married in a way that was comfortable for her and her fiance instead of how they think it should be done. To which I of course say Fuck. Off.

I encourage you to read the post if no other reason than the hilarious All New Marriage Application. But also think about who we want controlling things that are very private and very personal. People who march lockstep with The Way Things Should Be or people who understand that there is no one path to happiness and let adults make their own decisions on their own and based on what is right for them?

10 Annoying Habits of a Geeky Spouse

2009-03-16T12:01:00.002-04:00

So Wired has up an article about the 10 Annoying Habits of a Geeky Spouse, and yeah, it's pretty accurate.

Josh is very bad about #2, not with Klingon, but with frak. Frak to me is like nails on a chalkboard. It's so far from fuck that it just rubs me completely wrong. Even hearing it on BSG annoys me.

#5 doesn't bother me. Josh can wear what he wants and if someone around him doesn't get his t-shirt then it's no skin off my ass.

#6, oh my God, yes! I cannot tell you how much old computer crap is in our shed or how many movies and video games Josh has. Plus the action figures, books, comic books and other types of swag that he's collected over the years. I don't know how we'll afford a house big enough to store all this stuff, and it just. Keeps. Coming. Every game he buys is the special edition with the figures or the poster or the collectable packaging. I honestly try very hard not to think about it.

The other things on the list are less of an issue with Josh, but I would like to propose a number eleven: Trying to convert your spouse to your kind of geekiness via gifts.

I can't tell you how long it took for Josh to realize that if I didn't ask for a video game for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary/etc. that meant that I didn't want a video game and not to buy one because I would say thanks but then never play it. It honestly took years of fail on Josh's part to get this. There is a scene in a Family Guy episode where Lois is opening gifts to unwrap another sword from Peter. After a few meaningful looks Josh asked if that was him. I said yes. I have a lot of 'swords' that were well intentioned, but hopeless gifts in the end.

But by and large i'll take the annoying habits of my geeky spouse any day over the annoying habits i've read about with non geeky spouses. Josh's passion for video games/action figures/comic books means that he gets my passion for dolls and collecting cross stitch patterns. He never nitpicks me over money I spend on my hobbies because his invariably cost more. He doesn't hassle me to dress sexy all the time because I don't hassle him to not wear the Gears of War t-shirt again. We'll make space for his stuff the same way we'll make space for mine. As always the geeky marriage comes down to just being a marriage. Compromise, understanding, love. Same as it ever was.

Oh Heaven Help Me.

2009-03-16T10:12:00.001-04:00

So someone is outside my building smoking a cheap cigar and i'm so tempted to find them, cuss them out for smoking under an intake vent and then vomit on them from their disgusting choice of tobacco product.

NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING stinks like a Goddamn cigar. I HATE a fucking cigar.

Lord give me strength not to vomit into my trash can.

Glorified Cube 2315 is Happy to Welcome IE 7!

2009-03-13T13:27:00.003-04:00

Yes, you read that right. I just now installed IE 7. I finally have tabbed browsing here at work! Yea! I'm excited!

And also, it's Friday! And it's lunchtime! WOO HOO! Time to find a Frontline on PBS.org to watch while I eat my Lean Cuisine cheese ravioli. Aw yeah.

Back to Work.

2009-03-11T09:45:00.003-04:00

So i've returned to work after my two days off for Spring Break. And you know what is annoying the hell out of me? That my super advanced Cisco IP phone doesn't have the sense to spring forward. So my computer says 9:47 and my phone says 8:47. I've been through the settings and have found nothing to change the time. The last time the time changed I think it took a month or so for the phone to wise up. Really, really annoying.

ETA: Ok, I have an email in my inbox from Monday about this. Apparently this is an issue with some of these ultra fancy phones and ITCS is working on a fix. It should be worked out by next week. Still annoying. How much did this phone cost? And Cisco knows that it doesn't update for daylight savings? Please.

SPRING BREAK!!! WOOOO! Well, When Are We Going to Get Rowdy?

2009-03-08T22:37:00.003-04:00

Bart on Spring Break in Knoxville. Awesome episode. Fun fact, my first Spring Break in college I took a trip to Knoxville. Not my idea I swear. I even got to see the Wig Sphere, I mean, Sun Sphere.

Anyway, i'm an old married woman now and Spring Break for me means that I take two days off work and do my sping cleaning. I had planned to get rowdy with some Venetian Sunsets today, but I couldn't buy the champange this morning at the grocery store. Here in NC you can't sell alcohol before noon on Sunday. I guess someone might get drunk and go to church. So instead I cleaned my corner of the living room, spray painted a picture frame, hosed off my silk plants, washed all the curtains, cleaned the refrigerator, windexed the light fixture in the kitchen, and used a Magic Eraser on the mail box stand.

Tomorrow I plan on putting Killz over the water spots in the ceiling left from past tropical storms, washing my kitchen cabinets, cleaning windows, repairing the doorbell, washing the curtains in the bedroom that can only be handwashed, and trying to bring some order to the chaos that is my office.

Oh yeah. Spring Break. It's a laugh riot around here. It's almost as fun as being at work.

Oh and by the way...

2009-03-03T10:16:00.002-05:00

For all of those who expressed surprise at me going out with my freinds this weekend, along the lines of Brandi has freinds? and Brandi goes places? You all can kiss the lower part of the backside of the canister that is my body.

And Lo, The Seventh Seal Was Opened, And Brandi Went to the Club

2009-03-02T13:38:00.003-05:00

No, really. I went to the club this weekend with a few freinds. It was a bithday celebration so I felt like an asshole not going. I had fund hanging out and shopping and having dinner with the girls, but I did not like the club.

It always pissed me off as a kid when people would say "How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it?" That still applies. Josh kept telling me Friday that I would go to the club and end up liking it and spending all my time there until I found someone new. No, I don't know what he was smoking. These are a few things I know about myself: I don't like loud places, I don't like crowded places, I don't like paying $10 to get in somewhere, I don't like paying huge amounts for drinks, I don't like being out super late, and I don't like paying large amounts of money for clothes that I can't wear to work.

This is what I know about the club: It is very loud and crowded. The cover varies, but can be pretty high. The drinks are too expensive to really catch a buzz on. No on even goes to the club before 10 pm. The clothes that you wear to the club are not clothes you can wear to work. At least not in my kind of work. So it's not a big leap to assume that knowing myself pretty well and what I like and don't like that I can safely guess that the club wasn't for me. But hey, I went. And I am know 100% certain that my life as a homebody who loves to cross stitch while watching tv and going to to bed early is for me. Just like I was before.

General Manager. Not So Great Akshually.

2009-02-24T10:52:00.003-05:00

Josh likes to say i'm the general manager of the house. In wrestling this would mean that set up the matches and whatnot and had my own office and was an important part of the organization.

In real life this means that i'm the one who has to call the Turd Merchant to get the septic tank pumped. So...yeah...

Posts I Would Have Put on Twitter This Weekend if I Was on Twitter.

2009-02-23T13:47:00.002-05:00

Saturday morning i'm driving to Wal-mart and I see Grimace and the Hamburgler outside the McDonald's with ballons doing some sort of promotion. And I thought, do kids even know who Grimace and the Hamburgler are anymore? I haven't seen them in a commercial for McDonald's in ages.
My mail carrier still doesn't know what the large yellow DO NOT BEND stickers on my mail mean as I found another package marked that way crammed into my mailbox this weekend. I know you phone it in since you're a goverment employee, but come on.
I watched my first episode of Battlestar Gallactica this weekend with Josh. In the four minutes that Guyas Baltar was on screen in the first half of the show he proved himself to be a complete tool who I hate eventhough I probablly won't watch the show again. Unless he gets beaten up or killed. Then i'll tune in.
Edward James Olmos really does have skin the texture of a decorative autumn squash. It fits his charecter on BSG as Odama, but I feel for the man in the future.
I have a few questions about BSG. First of all, where do the Cylons get their make up and hair products from? They look great where as the Humans look like they haven't had soap in ten years. And where does all the booze come from? If they left Earth with the booze surely it's running low by now. Are they making toilet wine like in prison? And where the hell did the piano in the bar come from? This is just silly.
Have you seen the commercial for the weight loss cookies? The one where everyone is saying that they took the cookie from the cookie jar? And they say that you can save all this money by eating these diet cookies instead of real food? Yeah, you're supposed to have ONE COOKIE for breakfast, ONE for lunch, then I guess a sensible dinner as Slimfast used to call it. I'll tell you why you're saving money. Because starving is cheap! One cookie! A magical weightloss cookie that can't taste that good? Fuck you. I'll be fat.
Speaking of which, I found out at the doctors a few weeks ago that I have gained weight and am now above my personal limit by two pounds. And a few weeks ago I also found out I have high cholesterol. So i'm changing my diet a bit and hope to start exercising soon. Bleh.
Got completely lost yesterday trying to find Jessica's baby shower. (Yes, Jessica C. Check out her blog and her Etsy page.) I actually had given up on finding the place and was heading home when I noticed a sign for the church by the road and showed up an hour late. I hate being late as much as I hate being lost. But i'm glad I made it. I would have hated missing the shower even more.
While watching Spongebob this weekend (Yes I watch Spongebob. But only the older episodes. The new ones are unwatchable.) I saw a commercial for a Littlest Pet Shop playset. It came with an exclusive new pet, the porcupine. You dumbasses. No one wants a porcupine for a pet. Porcupines are wild animals and their quills break off once they've lodged in your skin. They are not cute or cuddly at all. The new pet should be a hedgehog. I know they are often confused, but come on. Google porcupine and tell me anyone would want one as a pet. As a former hedgie owner this really bugged me.

So that was my weekend if I had put it on Twitter. Which I didn't because i'm not on Twitter, because I don't get Twitter. Because i'm old. That is also why i'm not on Facebook or Myspace. I'm going to go polish my cane now and talk about how things used to cost less than they do now.

That'll Do Janlynn. That'll Do.

2009-02-20T10:49:00.002-05:00

Janlynn has apologized to 123Stitch and will be turning the 123stitch.net address over to them. They claim that this was a mistake, but i'm not so sure. Either way i'm happy to be able to shop from Janlynn again. They have very nice patterns and when I buy directly from them I always get a free item. Now all I need is some damn money.

Advice Do-Over: Carey Tennis 2-18-09

2009-02-19T09:35:00.003-05:00

Ever notice that Carey Tennis is the only advice columnist I seem to do over? Yeah, well, he fucked this one up bad.

Dear Cary,

I am a longtime reader and fan of your column. I'm not really sure that my problem falls into any of the usual categories. My husband is a hard-core environmentalist. I am also, but to a lesser degree. I've made many concessions to try to make him happy, such as living without a car and becoming a vegetarian. I am the main breadwinner and work 50+ hours a week, plus I run a small business on the side to help put him through graduate school. I don't have a lot of free time, but I do a lot of the housework. Here is where the problem comes in.
My husband becomes enraged if he catches me putting clothes in the dryer (instead of hanging them outside) or if I forget to turn down the water heater (he insists that it be turned off whenever we're not using immediately.) I've gone around and around with him, trying to point out that there are reasonable limits to what a person can do to save energy and decrease her carbon footprint.

Sometimes my time is simply more valuable than the energy I burn to save it. He doesn't see it this way and accuses me of being lazy and uncommitted. I'm feeling increasingly inadequate and resentful. Over time he is becoming more and more extreme. Apart from the environmental thing, my husband is a very sweet and gentle person. It's like he's morphing into Captain Planet. Or the Planetary Avenger. Or something. Can you offer any fresh insights into the situation?

Sincerely,
NC Hippie

Dear NC Hippie,

Your husband is not an enviromentalist. He is a control freak and an abuser. His need to control you and his insulting you when you don't do things his way is a huge red flag. Like all abusive partners he is sweet and gentle after he insults you so you will continue to stick around hoping for the good parts to come. Like all abusive partners he will escalate his controlling behavior until you are completely dominated by him and your fear of his anger if you don't do things just right. Get out. Get out now before it gets any worse. If you need help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

Maybe Turning a Corner

2009-02-17T14:14:00.003-05:00

I won't go into too many details but i'm trying a new medication for my Hypersomnia starting today and i'm getting a little excited. I'm really hoping that this will be what i've been waiting for and will finally be able to live my life again the way I used to. Excelsior!

A Post Valentine's Post

2009-02-17T10:22:00.002-05:00

Sunday night I went to Walgreens to pick up a few prescriptions and see what cheap candy I could score.

While I was searching the mangled remains of the candy I heard something behind me. On the toy side of the aisle someone had started up a musical toy. The toy was a stuffed wolf on top of a lamb and played Hungry Like the Wolf, and the lamb would periodically baah.

So the wolf was on top of the lamb like it was going to kill and eat the poor thing and the lamb seemed to be crying for help. Not very romantic. Sorta creepy. In fact if I had received this as a gift for Valentine's day I think I would have to break up with the person who gave it to me. I mean really. What the fuck?

VD is for everybody!

2009-02-16T11:52:00.003-05:00

You've seen that right? This. I'm so old. I saw this originally on Nick at Night, not YouTube. Anyway...

Not that kind of VD.

Our Valentine's Day was very nice as it always is. This morning I was catching up on my blogs and read a Consumerist post about how spending on diamonds is down, how guys were lined up at the Godiva store and how the best way to have a nice, cheaper, Valentines was to avoid manufactured sentiment and do something that was meaningful for you. Shocking, I know.

Josh and I have been doing this for years. This is the third year in a row we've gone to Cracker Barrel for dinner and it's now a tradition. We had to wait for a table, but that was ok. It wasn't terribly cold and we laughed our asses off at the hoarse girl on the intercom calling for tables and complained about the terrible country music.

Instead of traditional Valentine's gifts Josh gave me a cross stitch kit (above), a book on needle tatting, and a pair of inexpensive earrings from my Amazon wishlist. I gave him a book of H.P. Lovecraft, The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe, and Zombie Ninja Pro Am. No super expensive flowers. No cheap diamonds from Kmart. Just stuff we both really liked that showed how much we care for and get each other. I'm not seeing what's so hard or revolutionary about that.

Anyway it was lovely. And geeky. Nothing says love like H.P. Lovecraft.

Not Cool Janlynn. Not Cool.

2009-02-16T11:22:00.002-05:00

So today i'm catching up with my cross stitch boards and I come across a post about one of my favorite online stores 123 Stitch.com.

123 Stitch.com has been a favorite of mine for awhile. They offer most things discounted and have a very large selection of products for cross stitch, needlepoint, crewel and even scrapbooking and rubber stamp supplies.

However, Janlynn, a large craft designer and company has registered the URL www.123Stitch.NET . That's right. Click on it. See. It takes you to Janlynn's website.

Now Janlynn has some lovely designs and I have bought many of their charts and kits before, but this is fucked up. I can see why an upstart business would try and snake customers from an establised site, but a company as big as Janlynn should know better. This is a questionable business practice of Wal-Mart proportions.

I doubt there is much to be done, but I will be sending Janlynn a nastygram. I'll probably avoid their products for a while in the hopes that they will resolve this issue. And I will be sure to pimp www.123stitch.com as much as I can when it's appropriate to. See. I did it right there. Follow the link, browse around, throw them some business. It'll be good for the economy.

I'm Easy, No, I'm Simple, No, I'm Low Maintenance. Yeah, That's the Ticket!

2009-02-13T12:42:00.003-05:00

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Now i'm not one of those assholes who spends the first half of February kvetching about how Valentine's is a made up Hallmark holiday, but i'm not a fancy restaraunt, long-stemmed roses required type either.

I like Valentine's Day. I like the idea of having a day set aside to show those you care about how much you do care about them. Now I do think that somethings take this way too far. I've seen more Pajama Gram commercials in the last two weeks than I can count. While perusing the classifieds last week looking for a hedgie in need of a good home I came across an ad for AKC registered Yorkies for $800. "Perfect for Valentine's Day" it said. Yikes. That's more than Josh spent on me for Christmas!

I told Josh about the ad and asked him if he wasn't glad to be married to me who set a $50 limit and tells him every year that he doesn't have to buy me roses, if he does buy me roses they dont have to be red, long-stemmed or a dozen of them. (I never got the long-stemmed thing. Who has a three foot high vase? I end up cutting most of the stems off.) He of course said he was.

I think a lot of the Valentine's backlash comes from an all or nothing attitude. As if you can't have a nice low-key Valentine's Day. It's crappy all around in that case.

Tomorrow i'll get Josh a card and a cute bag to put his presents in, he'll get me grocery store flowers (totally fine by me) and we'll go out to eat at Cracker Barrel since it's the only place to eat in town that doesn't have an hour wait that night. A lovely, low-maintenance Valentine's day.

How Do You Find a Word That Means Maria?

2009-02-11T13:53:00.002-05:00

Thought the Sound of Music Songs were out of my head, huh? Nope.

So whenever I mention my sleep disorder I always get the same question: What does it mean to have hypersomnia/narcolepsy? (Depending on which term I decided to use. Still not sure about that.) My answer always seems to fail. It always gets a litany of "I must have that, i'm so tired." Well, maybe, but probablly not. There's a difference between being tired for real reasons and just being tired because your brain is fucked up.

Having narcolepsy (i'll go with this since it's easier to type) means that I look forward to going home and going to bed.

It means when i'm walking across campus to get something signed I look at the fluffy green grass on the mall and think about how nice it would be to just snuggle up for a nap.

It means I have that same thought standing at my mailbox looking across my front yard.

It means that I feel like my blood is made of lead much of the time.

It means that episode of Seinfeld where George built the sleeping compartment under his desk is my dream.

It means that I just don't feel like doing much of anything.

It means that my options for meds are really limited and chock full of side effects.

It suuuuucks.

It's like being a cat in a human body with human responsibilities. You can't take the five naps a day like you need. You can't curl up on that sunny grass, at least not in your front yard unless you want the neighbors to talk. You have to work unless you can get disability and that's no easy or desirable task. You feel like a zombie shuffling around, except zombies don't really have much to do except seek out brains to eat. They don't have lives to enjoy or things to miss out on because they feel bad. So that world is what having narcolepsy is.

Cross Stitch Hacks: Fractional Stitches on Aida

2009-02-10T11:55:00.004-05:00

So I belong to a Counted Cross Stitch group on Yahoo. Mostly I enjoy reading the posts when I have time. However one thing about it makes me go bonkers. Someone will ask the age old question "How do I do fractional stiches on Aida?"

And someone always pipes up with "You could always use evenweave."

Well no shit. Look, we all know about evenweave. But most of us don't have the time and money to switch out the aida that comes in kits to evenweave or a use for all that offensive aida stacking up. So here is how you make a fractional stitch on aida.

You use a sharp pin to punch a hole in the middle.

There. You're welcome. I just saved you six long, boobless hours reading 75 posts about how aida is bad and evenweave is made of puppies and rainbows.

Contracts for Dummies! (That means you Sarah.)

2009-02-06T14:33:00.005-05:00

So I can across this quote from Sarah Palin and I just have comment.

"This is what I've been telling Bristol, before she gets married, is, Bristol, there are definitely gonna be tough parts in marriage. You have to look at those tough times and remember that you have essentially a business contract with this person. You've signed an agreement: You're going to be together."

Now I hate to say it, but I do agree with the first part of that sentiment. The second, not so much.

I do believe that marriage is a contract. That's not romantic, but it is basically true. You each agree to terms that are binding.

What Palin doesn't get (aside from the fact that Bristol can't enter into ANY contract until she's 18) is that both parties have to meet the terms of a contract for it to be binding.

Yes, when you get married you stand before God and your parent's whole Christmas card list and agree to love, honor, and forsake all others. But five years down the road when the Mister is fucking the new girl in accounting, that's a breach of contract. Contracts that are breached are null and void.

So remember that Bristol when or if "tough parts" degenerate into Levi beating you and fucking your best freind. Or stealing money from you or verbally abusing you or even if the basis of your marriage, love, (i'm being nice here and not suggesting that the out of wedlock baby would have anything to do with the nuptuials) is long gone.

It has always confused me that so much focus is placed on the "till death do us part" area of the marriage vows, but so little on the parts that make that promise worth keeping. It also makes me very sad that that focus has kept so very many people in marriages that are the complete opposite of what a loving God (the entity that consecrates most marriages) or even a just society (for the non beleivers out there) would want for their people.

Of course it also confuses me that the fucking Governor of Alaska doesn't understand that a contract must be fulfilled on both ends to be valid and that contracts can be breached and ended. And it makes me very sad that she came so very close to the White House.

What really makes me sad though is that i've devoted a post to something this dumb ass bitch said. So yeah. I'm gonna go get drunk now and pretend this didn't happen.

Ugh. Yard work.

2009-02-04T13:51:00.002-05:00

No, not that kind. Thankfully (in this case) it's still cold as ass around here so with the exception of my daffodils (who sadly got snowed on last night) everything around our house is still dead or dormant.

This yard work is occurring right outside my office window. Apparently the University has some thing about the place looking nice all the time, even in the winter. I'm not sure what has been growing around here, but whatever it is is being weed wacked and the smell of cut grass and exhaust is now wafting up into my building. It's sickening. At least i'm only here another hour.

Blogger Dropped Me. They Said Posts Like "Uh Oh! Polio!" Don't Connect With Today's Youth.

2009-02-04T11:14:00.002-05:00

And that's because thankfully polio today is a footnote of history here in the US.

Monday night I met up with an old freind, PBS for a few drinks, some catching up and American Experience: The Polio Crusade. (What? No it isn't cheating! Look, PBS.org is still my main squeeze. But I can have freinds, right? And it was just drinks. Nothing serious. Besides, I hang out with other educational channels all the time and PBS.org is totally cool with that.)

I considered just calling this post Uh oh! Polio! But as funny as it is when it's on an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode, it just isn't after watching this program.

People, I didn't stitch during this. Just think about that. Turn it over in your head. How riveting this must have been to warrant my complete attention at a time when i'm working hard to finish a UFO.

I knew a few things about Polio and the efforts to create a vaccine for it, but I did learn a lot from this program. For one thing I didn't know that The March of Dimes was started for the purpose of treating and preventing Polio. I didn't know that the iron lung was a permanent home for only some victims of the disease. I didn't know that many people spent months or years in one until they could relearn to breathe using their neck muscles. I also didn't know that some people were able to regain the use of their paralyzed limbs. Sometimes, not always.

I was of course gobsmacked by the irony that Sabin was fucking convinced that Salk's dead virus vaccine would kill people when his own live virus vaccine would of course end up with a higher chance of someone actually getting the disease. And I was confused why this simple concept was lost on a brilliant scientist such as himself.

But what sticks with me most are the images. The images man. It's been said many times that one reason parents today are so easily freaked out by minor concerns about reactions to vaccines, and to the completely untrue, disproven, paranoid, autism not-a-link-at-all-you-dumb fucks is because they've never seen a kid suffer with these easily preventable diseases and I think there really is something to that. After seeing all these videos of pitiful children in leg braces and iron lungs, disabled for life at such a young age, I wanted to get the cats vaccinated! You know, just in case.

I think if people today really knew how bad Mumps could be, that Whooping Cough can take months to fully recover from, had seen Timmy across the street in leg braces or an iron lung, or even seen a child buried from an easily preventable disease they would appreciate the modern wonder of vaccines and thank God that we have them. They would be pushing their kids to the front of the line for the shots just like they were when the Polio vaccine was finally available. I certainly was that night and I don't even have children.

So in summation: Polio is bad. This episode of American Experience is good. It's playing on my totally wonderful educational boyfreind PBS.org now and is well worth the hour of your time. Even if you have to tell a little white lie to your educational boyfriend about where you were and with who for that period of time. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Right? RIGHT?

Revolutionary Road: What a Miserable Book That Was.

2009-02-03T13:59:00.003-05:00

Ok, so i've mentioned being a consumer whore recently, but I haven't confessed to a slightly less shameful charecter trait. I'm also a book whore.

I was that weird girl in school who really liked to read. In middle school I woud read while in line to the cafeteria for lunch like Belle in Beauty and The Beast. Then I read through lunch. (Easy to do when you don't have many freinds.) In high school I finished reading A Separate Peace in one day because I was bored on the bus and hey! Look! A book! Once I get into a book I can finish it in no time. I'm also susceptable to suggestion and if I hear a book is good I end up dying to read it. This usually ends with me ordering the book from Amazon since I haven't been to the library since last summer when someone got stabbed in front of the building at the exact time that I would have been there. (For realz! Someone got stabbed in front of the library at 3:15 in the afternoon. Right between leaving work and going home. So i'm a little gun shy. Or knife shy.)

Anyway...

So around the time that Revolutionary Road came out in theatres there were articles about the book and how people just loved it and how it was so good so like a good little book whore I ordered it from Amazon. (I would like to note that I was careful not to buy the movie tie in version with Leo and Kate on the cover and then to peel off the Now A Major Motion Picture sticker that was on it. That shit annoys me.)

I guess the book was good enough. I was well written and all, but I really didn't like it.

First of all, call me an asshole, but I'm easily annoyed at movies, books, TV shows etc. about the drudgery and ennui and desparation of the suburbs. Like it's the MOST AWFUL THING EVER to live inbetween the city and the country. Maybe i'm a weirdo, but I like my life in the suburbs. I like having a yard and an attic and only being five minutes away from several restaraunts and stores. I like the quiet of my neighborhood, and knowing that if my house catches on fire in the middle of the day someone walking their dog or cutting their grass will be there to call the fire department. And that the fire department will know where i'm at since i'm not in the middle of nowhere. Not to hate on the city or the country. I'm sure they have their charms for those who choose to live there. But I chose to live in the suburbs so can we all just accept that and stop looking at us suburbunites like we're empty losers filled with longing and dark secrets already? And honestly, if Frank and April were so damn miserable in the 'burbs why not move back to the city? Jeez.

Of course, even if they had either stayed in the city to start with or moved back or even (spoiler alert) made it to Paris I don't think things would have turned out differently for them.

And that brings me to the second reason I really didn't like this book. There wasn't a remotely likeable charecter in it. (I'm not counting the kids, they were such minor charecters they don't really count.)

Frank and April are crappy people. Their freinds are crappy people. Their real estate agent and her family are crappy people. They are all so empty, but they don't really do anything to fill this emptiness. They don't really talk to their loved ones. They don't listen to them. They don't try to make their lives meaningful where they are now. They just go about their lives waiting and expecting the outside world to fill them up. They're selfish assholes.

Why are they selfish assholes? We don't really know. And that's probablly where the book disappointed me the most. I wanted to know why. Why did Frank and April get married in the first place? Why did they hate each other so much? Did that develop slowly? Was it a sudden thing that happened? What the hell? Can I get some insight into this please?

Maybe i'm missing something here, but I wasn't really impressed. I'll be listing my copy on Paper Back Swap and hoping to get a better book in return. And maybe next time instead of dropping $10 on a book I may not like i'll brave the library.

Have I Mentioned I'm A Consumer Whore Lately?

2009-02-03T12:59:00.003-05:00

I haven't? Well here you go. I totally am. I bought a Snuggie.

Yes I know that the Snuggie is a ripoff of the Slanket. (Who came up with the name Slanket anyway? That sounds like some weird sexual act.)

Anyway I went to Walgreens Sunday night and they had Snuggies for $15. I had decided I wanted one after Christmas when I was trying to read with a blanket over me and found that I couldn't turn the pages of my book without disturbing the delicate way I had the blanket to cover my arms and my feet.

Of course I only needed one Snuggie, not two, and wasn't keen on the 6-8 week shipping time so I decided to wait until it showed up in stores like these things always do.

I will say that the fabric of the Snuggie is cheap. But considering that to make one of better fabric would involve going to the fabric store, picking out fabric, paying more than $15 for it (I would guess this thing uses 4-5 yards of fabric), prewashing, cutting the peices out and sewing them together, i'll just settle for the cheap fabric. Plus I got the book light.

So yes I bought a Snuggie. Last night I was able to cross stitch and stay warm at the same time. And now i'm ready at a moment's notice for some low-rent wizard cosplay.

Invasion of the Mooninites

2009-01-29T09:48:00.005-05:00

Yes, I charted and stitched this myself. I finished it last year, but still haven't framed it. I've thought about selling the pattern on Etsy, but i'm concerned about copyright issues. Of course from what i've seen of cross stitch patterns on Etsy, i'm the only one who is worried about that sort of thing. But whatever happens the Moonitites have landed and made their intentions clear.

And Now For Something Completely Different

2009-01-28T13:25:00.004-05:00

So now that my blood pressure has finally come down from yesterday's post, I can post about something nice. Something that doesn't have anything to do with child rape.

The 2009 Nordic Needle Bookmark Challenge is starting up again. Last year I sent in four bookmarks (pictured) and this year I hope to double that.

Full information is here, about half way down the page. The bookmarks go to the Stitching for Literacy Project.

Bookmarks in any type of needlework are welcome. As the newsletter says last year the techniques varied widely: "The techniques included Cross stitch, Hardanger, embroidery on paper, Blackwork, canvas work, needlepoint, pulled and drawn thread, Bobbin lace, tatting, crochet, knitting, machine embroidery, peyote beading, Bargello, Schwalm, and crewel embroidery. There were bookmarks from at least 29 states and 6 countries. "

I am quite proud that my bookmarks were among the over 450 donated.

Last year I only managed four bookmarks because I started late and decided on using some of the varigated floss that I had never had a chance to use. You see when using varigated floss you have to make each individual cross stitch instead of making a row and then going back over them to cross them so it takes twice as long to stitch an area. I enjoyed using the floss, but the time it took was a little much for me. (This was prior to the sleep disorder diagnosis.)

This year I have a different plan. I spent Inauguration Day out of work because of the snow. As I celebrated Hope and Change and tried not to be blinded by Aretha Franklin's hat (seriously, I think her hat was signaling to the aliens or something) I reorganized my cross stitch supplies. I gathered all the floss from kits I had finished and kept the strands that were mostly or completely intact and tossed the short lengths. I felt like a pack rat keeping the things, but I really didn't want to throw them out. So not knowing what I was going to do with them I put them in zipper bag.

Now my plan is to use very simple patterns and sayings, and rather than use the colors specified, use the left over floss. This way I won't have to pull five different colors of floss for each bookmark and will hopefully make stitching them faster. Faster means I can make more of them.

I'm really excited about this. I get to use up old floss, scraps of fabric and some of the free designs i've found on the internet. And i'm encouraging people to read. This would be win-win if my damn tendonitis wasn't acting up. Of course that gives me an excuse to take drugs that make me feel gooooood. So I guess it's win-win-win!

Ruminations on Life Inside a Cult

2009-01-26T10:59:00.003-05:00

Yes another TV related post. I watch a lot of TV, what, wanna fight about it? (Speaking of TV related posts, i've been meaning to put another one up on my current brain crack The Real Housewives of Orange County, but damn, there is so much flying around the brain on that one.)

Anyway, yesterday I watched Life Inside a Cult on The National Geographic channel (I refuse to call them Nat Geo, same as I refuse to call The History Channel just History.)

The show focused on the Strong City Cult in New Mexico lead by a man calling himself Michael Travesser (His given name is Wayne Bent) who believes that he is God and predicted the end of the world on October 31st 2007. All members of his cult have given up working in the outside world and all their disability and social security checks as well as current and future inheritance goes to him. He also uses his status as leader of the cult to have sex with women in the cult and lay naked with young girls as a religious experience.

I'll give you a moment to let all that sink in and vomit if neccesary. What am I saying? If.

Ok, now that we've all done the technicolor yawn and gotten a Breathsaver...

Of course the world didn't end on Halloween 2007. The camera crew wasn't allowed in the compound at the supposed moment of whatever was supposed to happen (Travesser was very vague about what was supposed to happen that night, only telling the crew that he would receive a new physical form. His lackey Jeff said that world would be judged, but I don't recall that occuring either.) but they were allowed to stand at the gates to the compound as his followers cheered and danced and shouted freedom. What exactly they were freed from wasn't clear. Afterwards no one would say wether or not he did receive a new form, so we can all figure out the answer to that.

Now I could rant all day about this man and his mind control, his theft of his follower's money, and the criminal acts he's committed with minors, but the last time I started in on that sort of thing it took four klonopin and a tranq dart to bring me down.

No, what i've decided to rant about is what has stuck with me even more all that and made me really sad.

In the opening scene two girls, I would say about 14 to 17 years old are walking and talking about how happy they'll be to go to (what I presume, again, this wasn't made very clear) heaven. Because "they weren't meant to live in this world".

Now throwing out the logic of God wouldn't put you weren't supposed to be, I ask, really?

This is so sad to me. Now i'll be glad to get to heaven too. I'll see my family and freinds who have passed on, and all the kittehs i've loved and lost, and of course be in the presence of Jesus, but that doesn't keep me from living my life here on Earth to it's fullest.

Travesser says later in the program that the outside world is empty. I think it's as empty or as full as you want it to be.

Yes, you can go out into the world and smoke rock, have stupid sex with anyone you meet, marry for money instead of love, spend your life in persuit of material things, and die as empty and worthless as a crushed soda bottle.

Or you could visit an art museum and take in the creativity of your fellow humans. You can sit in a park and watch the squirels and birds and be awed at how they always have enough of what they need. You can go to a library and read books that you'll remember your whole life. (Shameless plug here for A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.) You can climb a lighthouse and think about all the lonely hours the keeper spent up there running the light to keep sailors safe. You can marry someone who is your best freind, who you can't wait to see everyday. You can have a kid, plant a garden, build a house, get a dog.

Of course no discussion of this is complete without me bringing needle work into it. What is empty about making a birth sampler for a freind's baby? Making a quilt? Knitting a sweater?

Or what about people working in hospice care? Or training seeing eye dogs? Or volunteering in a soup kitchen? Or teaching people how to read? You really think their lives are empty?

To me the lives of the people in Strong City seemed empty. They didn't work. I'm sure they did work around the compoud, maybe growing food and cleaning up and such. But in their off time they only seemed to sit and listen to Travesser. When they weren't doing that they were talking about him and what he had said. And of course some time was taken up by the girls and their laying naked time.

I know all this is a moot point. I know that if Travesser was to allow his followers outside the compound or even to think that going into the outside world was desirable then his hold over them would loosen. That it is imperative that they see the world as empty or his sweet life of free money and child abuse is over. I know this.

But it just makes me so fucking sad.

I want to shake these kids. (Fuck the adults, they're a lost cause.) I want to buy them nail polish and makeup, Super Soakers and Playstations. I want to give them a Happy Meal and let them watch Spongebob. I want to make them ride bikes, blow bubbles, go to the movies, and listen to the Jonas Brothers until they wake up and realize that life is great outside the compound. That you don't have to live in a trailer in the desert to be fulfilled. That God isn't a creepy old man who wants you get naked with him. That God put them on this Earth for some reason, that they are supposed to be here, and maybe they should try and figure that reason out instead of sitting around hoping for the end of the world.

As for Travesser, he's the type of person who makes me fervently hope that Hell is real. In the meantime his sweet life of domination and sexual assault has come to an end.

In December 2008, Wayne Bent was convicted of one count of criminal sexual contact of a minor and two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. On Dec 30th he was given the maxium sentence for these crimes, 18 years. However, eight of those years were suspended. (I would really like to know why.) He'll have to serve at least 8 1/2 years before being released.

I've always heard that prison is Hell for child abusers. Again I fervently hope this is true. If not that's ok. Hell is Hell. And I hear it's especially bad on false prophets.

Common Sense: "Detoxing" is Crap. Literally.

2009-01-22T11:31:00.003-05:00

Thank you New York Times for publishing an article that says just that.

When I see ads for these detoxing products it drives me crazy. I think of Marge Simpson chiding the three card monty person for preying on the gullible and stupid.

Quick quiz. Have you gone to the bathroom recently? Done #1 or #2? Then you're detoxed.

Remember way back in 10th grade biology when you learned about the excratory system? The kidneys, the liver, the colon? That's your detox right there. God given and perfect. No additional laxatives or diuretics required. (Because you know that's all this stuff is. Laxatives and diuretics.)

Now let's say you haven't been to the bathroom recently. You have problems with that sort of thing. Then you need to be in the care of a doctor. A real, live, went to medical school for like 10 years doctor. A person with MD behind their name. They can figure out why your liver and kidneys are failing. Usually before you die of this sort of thing.

I guess people don't want common sense. They want to believe that what ever is wrong with them can be cured by multiple trips to the bathroom. Well, sorry. Doesn't work that way.

Don't even get me started on those fucking Kinoki foot pads.

Long Weekends are Looooooong.

2009-01-22T10:50:00.003-05:00

Well this one was anyway.

We got snow! SNOW! Beautiful, white, fluffy snow! Like, four inches of it! Enough that classes here were cancelled Tuesday and Wednesday.

So my three day weekend turned into a five day weekend. Oh, it was niiiiiice.

I made a snowman, but he didn't send me any snowman themed furniture. Bastard.

I dyed Josh's hoodie since the black was fading.

I did laundry.

I washed dishes and cleaned up my kitchen.

I moved some things into the attic and others into the laundry room to be closer to the attic. (These things are Christmas decorations that still need to make the big move into the attic for another year.)

I watched the inauguration which is notable because I never watch that sort of thing.

I started work on getting my office into order.

I reorganized my cross stitch things.

I finished a UFO (unfinished object) from two years ago. (A small kit of Eeyore and a butterfly.)

I read The Worst Jobs in History and finished The Ghost Map. I picked back up The Subversive Stitch.

I watched a lot of stuff on my Tifaux and then deleted it which makes me very happy. I love to see my available time increase when I delete something.

Basically a whole lot of nothing. Or rather a whole lot of little things that I never seem to get around to doing. That being said I am glad to be back at work. I get stir crazy at home after a while. But it was very nice to relax when I needed to and not have to worry about when the things that needed to be done were going to get done.

Long weekends are loooooong. They're also very nice.

Topic Snack Mix

2009-01-12T11:03:00.002-05:00

A little of this, a little of that...

Bride Wars. Ugh. You know, many, many women get married and have nice weddings with the poofy dress and the reception hall and all that without going batshit insane. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. Most women don't get engaged and then loose their damn minds. Most are able to plan a lovely wedding with all the trimmings with out turning into a wedding obsessed bitch. And in this specific case (if I understand correctly the premise of the movie is that two weddings are booked on the same day, at the same time at the same location) the problem would come down to who signed a contract and made a deposit first. And I doubt this would happen or not be caught earlier in the process. Whatever. One more peice of Women are Crazy Bitches so Let's Continue Denying them Equal Rights crap from Hollywood. Fuck you.

I Was Bitten. This show should be two shows. The first show should be called Don't Fuck With Snakes or Other Dangerous Creatures Dumbass. The second should be called Holy Crap Talk About Some Bad Luck There. The first show could feature people like the guy who decided to take a poisonous rattle snake home for a pet, or the other guy who did the same thing, only put the rattlesnake into a TRASH BAG and didn't even tie it up so of course the snake got out of the bag and was PISSED! The second show could have the guy who was bitten by a Brown Recluse after picking up a blanket off the floor beside his bed and the guy who was mauled and nearly killed by a bear on a fishing trip. And there was the guy who was surfing and was attacked by a Great White Shark, but he was also on I Survived and it kinda bugs me when people like that double dip with the reality shows. Like this one guy who was on Mystery Diagnosis and on Mystery ER. Pick one. Anyway, i'll watch again and be horrified at the spectacularly bad luck of some and the breathtaking stupidity of others.

Intervention. I love some Intervention. But last week's episode about John the diabetic who didn't manage his condition was a crashing bore. I seriously could not bring myself to care. I even fast forwarded through the intervention itself. I felt for the guy not having any freinds and for his parents worrying about his health, but it wasn't good tv. Give me the people shooting up into their necks and freaks with feeding tubes for 14 years any day. That is compelling. John is boring.

Today on my way to work NPR had a story about the word of the year for 2008. They brought up all the variations on Obama, including Nobama which is already being used for his 2012 re-election campaign. That doesn't exist yet. Because he's not even taken office yet! People, let the man take office before talking shit about him possibly running for re-election four years from now. Really. Jeez.

Anyway, those are my assorted thoughts you are welcome to munch on.

Yes We Can have more Random Acts of Geekiness

2009-01-08T14:07:00.002-05:00

Remember these? Weren't they fun? Well here's one.

Josh and I were watching The Real Housewives of Orange County a week or two ago (Shut up!). It was the episode where Vicki and Tamra et al go to Lake Havasu in Arizona.

Now each time a segment featuring the Lake would come up the intro would point out that it was 120 degrees there.

After a few segments that mostly featured huge amounts of alcohol being consumed I paused the show and said:

"You know, if it's 120 degrees out there they really don't need to be drinking so much. Alcohol dehydrates you and i'd be worried about getting heat stroke."

To which Josh replied:

"You're such a nerd!"

Yeah, I know.

Dear Provigil: Don't Think Twice

2009-01-08T13:22:00.002-05:00

Yes Provigil, this is the end of Us.

I know, this wasn't supposed to happen to you. You're the new hotness for sleep disorders and general wakefullness promotion. You were supposed to sweep me off my feet and make me feel better. Make me feel like doing stuff after I got home from work instead of sleeping. This was supposed to be the start of beautiful freindship that continued on and on until I grew old and you became a generic and I stuck with you for cost reasons. After all, why try a new anti-narcoleptic when you worked fine and were only $10 a month?

But that's not how it's going to be.

I gave you a second chance on the recommendation of my nuerologist. I took you back on the promise that taking 100mg of you twice a day wouldn't give me the headache and that the benefits would outweigh the fact that you interfere with my birth control. What's using a back up method when your sleep disorder is controlled and you can finally function again? Surely that's worth the hassel of hunting down the once again discontinued Today Sponge. Of course it is I told myself.

Of course like so many second chances this one failed.

You failed to provide me with any noticeable improvement with the hypersomnia. I still felt crappy. I still needed to nap on a daily basis. I still dragged myself through the day at work and went home to sleep everyday.

Granted this was when I was only taking the first 100mg dose and not the second. I feared taking that second dose reluctant to put myself in pain. But I decided Monday that a new year meant that I needed to be more compliant and go all in with this second chance. Monday I took my second dose. Tuesday I took both doses. By Tuesday afternoon I had a screaming headache.

You know how when you hit your head on something you have that really intense pain for a split second? That's what my headache felt like. Like I was constantly hitting my head on something.

I took two Imitrex that night and when that didn't get rid of the headache I took an Ambien to try and sleep it off. I still have that headache. It's more manageable, but it's there. I'm hoping it will go away once the higher levels of you are out of my system.

The headache tore it. No more. I will keep taking 100mg of you in the morning to stave off the weird withdrawal sickness I get, but I will never again take a higher dose of you. And as soon as I get a doctor to ok me going off you completely I will.

Don't be too sad though. I'm sure someday you'll find a nice girl with a sleep disorder that you can help. It really is me, not you. I'm one of the few that get terrible headaches from you. So try and buck up. As the song says, don't think twice, it's alright.

I'm getting verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

2009-01-08T12:39:00.004-05:00

This story was on Jezebel today and I had to share it. Nothing like badass bikers rescuing sweet little kittehs to make me tear up.

There are good people in the world. Sometimes those good people look like what we're told are bad people. You just never know.

ETA: Link to the story the NY Times did on these guys.

Not Oscar Bait.

2009-01-06T13:51:00.004-05:00

So I'm starting to doubt that I have a sleep disorder. Basically I don't feel any better on the meds i'm on for the hypersomnia, and they don't seem to be having any effect at all. If anything i've noticed myself getting worse these last few months and certainly these last few weeks.

I'm on a low dose of the Provigil, but I think I should notice it doing something. The Ritalin and the Vyvanse made me jittery, but I wasn't much more awake, alert or energetic on them.

Here lately I've been getting up, taking the Provigil and needing a nap about two hours later. Yesterday I took my morning dose and my afternoon dose then went home and slept two and half hours. Clearly it's not working.

Furthering my doubt along is that I don't always feel sleepy. I want to lay down, I want to close my eyes and I can surely sleep. But I don't always feel sleepy. I often feel worn out, wrung out, generally crappy. Like i'm still getting over a flu. Like I still have Mono (that was ten years ago BTW). Like my blood is made of lead. Something is wrong here and I don't think it's that my brain is confused about whether it's day or night.

Now let me be clear about this: I am not upset with my doctors for possibly diagnosing me with the wrong thing. As far as doctors go I have rolled 20s each time. I think they have put forth a yoeman effort in trying to figure out what the hell is going on here. But fatigue is the king of non specific symptoms and it's baffled and eluded some of the best doctors in the world.

So i'm back on the treadmill of doctors appointments for the time being. At the very least it'll give me something to write about in next year's Christmas letter.

New Year Blahs.

2009-01-06T10:31:00.002-05:00

We lost the Liberty Bowl. Damn. Oh well, we're still Conference USA Champs. Not that that's much to crow about.

It's raining here.

I have no energy to take down the Christmas stuff.

I'm so sick of candy. And I have so much of it left.

Back at work. Nuff said.

House is still a wreck. I should really just learn to accept that.

House still needs repairs.

I never did make that ginger bread house. I guess it will be ok in the package until next year.

My only bright spots right now are the new Intervention on my Tifaux and the new Real Housewives of Orange County airing tonight. And my new ring. Which is still really sweet.

But mostly i'm looking forward to going home and getting back in the bed. Only four hours to go.

The obligatory post that mentions the economy

2009-01-02T21:37:00.002-05:00

So i've been sitting on my ass watching TV non stop for the last few days and I can't go twenty full minutes without seeing a Cash 4 Gold commercial. I even heard a radio ad earlier tonight on my way to Walgreens encouraging me to sell my broken, used and unwanted jewelry for extra money.

Now I know the economy is in the shitter and doesn't seem to be coming out any time soon. But I can't get over how suddenly the answer to every body's money problems is to sell our jewelry like a bunch of crack heads looking for a fix.

I mean really, is this not the lamest get rich quick scheme you've ever heard? And how much broken and unwanted jewelry do people really have? I doubt it's enough to make a serious dent in anyone's credit card debt or make a mortgage payment.

I don't know. It just strikes me funny that all of a sudden I can't turn around without an ad showing up wanting my old jewelry. It's actually pretty annoying. Hopefully this trend will die out soon. After all, it's called a pawn shop. They've been around forever. This isn't really a new idea.

Santa Biggzy was good to me.

2008-12-30T10:16:00.001-05:00

Really, really fucking cool.

2008-12-19T10:14:00.003-05:00

Check this out.

I've always wanted to cross stitch a brain, but could never figure out how to make it really detailed. I guess I should have tried knitting. (First I would have to learn how to knit.)

Kudos! I love to see people bringing the geek to crafts!

(Image from www.iheartguts.com where I will surely be spending some of my Christmas money.)

A whole other reason to call it the Dethcruiser.

2008-12-18T09:30:00.005-05:00

Josh and I are fans of the show Metalocalypse. If you aren't familiar with this offering from Adult Swim it's about the wacky, and often deadly, adventures of the most popular heavy metal band on Earth, Dethklok.

Of course things that surround Dethklok are as Metal as possible. For instance their motorcycle with four side cars (so the whole band can ride along) is called the Murdercycle. You get the idea.

So Josh and I started calling our car, a PT Cruiser, the Dethcruiser. We had even thought about getting some kick ass graphics on the back window that said Dethcruiser. (Only with the little dots over the e like all good metal bands have since they can't use an a.)

But now that isn't funny anymore. The Insurance Institute for Highway Saftey has named the PT Cruiser the most dangerous new small car in America.

Not that I was planning on putting a bun in the oven any time soon, but this was supposed to be our family car. The one to stick the little n00bs in to go see Grandma, to go to the beach, to drive to the Asheboro Zoo. So when I do decide to get good and knocked up not only will we need a bigger house, but we'll also need a different car.

In the meantime this is one more thing to give me panic attacks as we drive all over 2/3s of North Carolina like, next week.

Now to await the reports that American Girl Dolls are made of cyanide and that cross stitching gives you cancer.

MY EYES! OH GOD MY EYES!

2008-12-12T13:08:00.003-05:00

So I was watching the new episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County (Shut up! I know, ok. I know.) last night and I have to ask:

Was it really necessary to show the pasty white flabby ass of George as he got a massage? I mean really people. I nearly lost my dinner. Ugh.

And as Lauri lay face down stretched out getting her massage with her leg hanging out of the sheet, all I could think of was that it looked like she had been murdered. All she needed was some stab wounds.

Is that bad?

It is? Oh well. Don't care. Lauri, we all hate you. We all know you're a gold digger who threw your drug addicted kid under the bus for the latest fat wallet that would agree to marry you. And all that plastic surgery has made you look like a horse after Chernobyl. I'm happy to see you go. Please don't return. You are fucking up my guilty pleasure and giving me nightmares.

Yes that's right. Of all the shows I watch on a regular basis, Most Evil, Deranged, Crime Stories, it's you and your freaky face that haunts my subconscious. Not Richard Ramirez. Not The Vampire of Sacramento. Not Charles Manson. You.

Maybe next week i'll be able to enjoy my brain candy. With you on the show i'm forced to think of your son in jail and how he may not have ended up there if you weren't such a self-centered parent. And your daughter Ashley who can't get a single word of praise or encouragement to pass your deformed silly putty lips. Or you youngest who you say hasn't disapointed you. Yet.

Yes Lauri. Your presence on The Real Housewives of Orange County makes me think too much. And that isn't what this show is about.

TV Breakup: PBS

2008-12-11T11:25:00.003-05:00

Oh PBS. You've burned me too many times.

I've tuned in so many times to watch Nova or Frontline only to be disapointed. I blamed it on the election. PBS has to cover the NC Governor debates, right? Of course they do. I forgave you PBS. Many times.

But last night was the last straw. I was excited! Point of View: Inheritance. The daughter of a Nazi officer at Plaszow meets a woman who lived through the hell of the concentration camp and finds out how evil her dad was. This is like porn to me. First person, living witness, history geek porn. I tuned in at 9:00 ready to get my history on.

Winterfest. You were begging for money PBS. And you know, I've thought about donating to you before. But why donate when I don't even watch? Well heck, i'll start watching PBS. And then heartbreak.

So up yours PBS. I'm going out with your hotter, more reliable brother PBS.org. At least he has a lot of shows I want to see online. He won't let me down like you have.

It's beginning to look a lot like...a bomb hit.

2008-12-11T09:39:00.003-05:00

So let's say that you were to walk into my house right now. The front door and small foyer lead into the living room. Let's go around the living room counter-clockwise. You will see:

Empty curio cabinet in the middle of a reorganization that is on hold surrounded by various cardboard boxes that contain presents that need to be wrapped or very fragile frogs from the curio cabinet that are nestled in packing peanuts. Also three rolls of wrapping paper, some adhesive gift labels and a pop up tape dispenser.

TV and TV stand surrounded by not so fragile frogs from the curio cabinet in addition to all the ususal crap that finds it's way there for some reason.

In the corner, a naked North Carolina Frasier Fir in the stand with the prettier side facing the corner. Yes, we got a tree. No, it has not been decorated.

Fireplace that we don't use because we don't know how to use the gas logs. My silk topiaries look pretty because I put the bows on them last night. Above them is the mantle with the ususal assortment of wedding pictures surrounded by, you guessed it. More frog refugees from the curio cabinet who were originally on the sewing machine that was in the corner until we had to move it to make room for the tree.

Corner. This is where the magic happens. Yes this corner is my lair, nest, foxhole, flying coccoon. It contains my recliner from Goodwill, all the various projects i'm working on, and everything else important. Mail for me, my medicine, my DS, my Wii controller, various catalogs, my Animal Crossing strategy guide, usually some snacks. Everything. It will never be neat and clean. So! Moving on!

The couch. The couch is actually in good shape. There is no crap on it. There is plenty of crap around and in front of it on the coffee table. I don't know what this crap is. I only know that to keep the coffee table clean I would have to move it from the living room to the attic where it will never be used again. And then we would just start putting crap on the floor in front of the couch.

Desk. On the desk is a colony called New Froginton. Living here are the frogs who left the curio cabinet to start a new society of pious frogs who live simply and seek only to glorifiy their amphibious creator and escape the corrupt and sinful reign of King Ribbit. And the laptop. And in the chair is the stack of DVDs that was on the sewing machine before it was moved to make room for the tree. And there's a hole in the bottom of the sea.

Finally we come to the hope chest. This currently houses the two foot tall tree I decorated for my dolls, the presents I've wrapped so far and the various other things that reside there the rest of the year. I don't think a fly could find room to land on it in it's current state.

Oh, and the floor needs to be vacuumed. And in the kitchen we still have the box that the big TV came in. I've been throwing other boxes in it. And the sewing machine and it's chair are in the kitchen along with the ususal mess that's in the kitchen.

So my house is a wreck. More so than ususal. And getting things to where they need to be hinges on several things that don't seem like they're going to happen anytime soon. But that's ok. Because this is why hot chocolate tastes great with some Bailey's in it. To keep people from going mental during the holiday upheaval. Right? Right?

It's beginning to look a lot like...every other day the rest of the year.

2008-12-09T09:14:00.003-05:00

So...this weekend.

Friday I mildly buzzed and watched The Nutcracker. I planned on a productive weekend of Christmas decorating. I was sooooo wrong about that.

Now this is the thing about my sleep disorder. I'm currently on Provigil. It helps a bit. I can get through my day at work without feeling like I need to nap under my desk George Costanza style. I don't feel great. I don't feel like my brain can tell the difference between night and day. But I do feel ok.

EXCEPT if I miss a dose. I have been instructed to not take the Provigil on the weekend. Well it took about three weekends for me to figure out that this isn't going to work. The first day I skip the meds I feel alright. I can tell I didn't take it, but otherwise I feel ok. But the second day without the meds...fuuuuuuuuuck. I feel like aaaaaaaass. Like I have some awful flu combined with a hangover. I want to sleep all day and when i'm awake I don't really want to move.

So why is this important? I forgot to take my meds Friday morning. So Saturday I felt like ass. In addition to this Josh was at the bar with his freinds watching the game all afternoon (Conference USA Champs bitches!) so he wasn't home to help me with the little I felt like doing and I really need him to help getting things out of the attic. When he got home from the bar at five he laid down and slept until about eight. So Saturday was shot.

Sunday I got up and went to Wal-mart, Target, Michaels, The Dollar Store and Walgreens in my usual morning grocery shopping/errand running. When I got home at eleven I needed to rest. (I still have to rest even with the Provigil. I don't sleep, but it helps me recharge.) I got up at 1:30 and ate lunch. We then went to K-mart since they were the only place I hadn't looked for a new wreath yet and I had heard that trees were being sold in the parking lot.

Now K-mart was crazy. The didn't have a wreath I liked. They didn't have the new pillows Josh needed. They did have a blood pressure machine.

At his last doctor's appointment Josh's blood pressure was a little high so they told him to keep a watch on it. So he decided this was the time. And his blood pressure was WAY high. Like both numbers in the three digit range. So I spent the rest of the time trying to convince him that he wasn't going to die RIGHT NOW. There were no trees in the parking lot and Josh was hungry because he didn't eat before we left the house like I suggested. So we called all this off and went home where Josh moped about his blood pressure and then fell asleep until about eight again. So Sunday was a bust.

Now it's Tuesday and the only sign of Christmas at our house is the stack of wrapped gifts on the hope chest because we don't have a tree to put them under.

So i'm not sure what to do. Josh is occupied the rest of this week with exams here at the university and still teaching at the community college since they have classes two weeks longer than the univeristy does.

I think my dolls will be dressed up and put out for Christmas tonight since Abigail's dress is coming in today. (I bought her Addy's Christmas dress. So pretty! It's a Civil War era style, but that's ok. Abigail likes to kick it old school.) But what about the tree? That's what really makes it feel like Christmas. I have three options.

Option 1: Wait until Josh has time to help me get things out of the attic and for us to go buy a tree. Pros: I don't have to do anything on my own that I can't handle and may lead to failure or disaster. We get to do this stuff together which is always fun. The overall awesomeness of a real North Carolina Frasier Fir. The one and only Chirstmas tree in my book. Cons: Time is slipping away and I don't want to put stuff up only to have to take it all down in a really short period of time. The wrestling with a live tree and getting it in a stand. Leaving it while we're gone and hoping it doesn't dry out too bad. Finding a place to buy a tree since the Lions Club isn't out at Wal-mart this year.

Option 2: Buy an artificial tree. Pros: I can put it up myself. It can be prelit so no fussing with lights. Prelit trees are getting more affordable. We'd have a tree ready to go if we're too broke to buy a real tree next year. All the branches are of equal strength so no fussing with heavy ornaments trying to get them on the right branch. No watering the thing. No cleaning up needles. Cons: Just not as pretty as a North Carolina Frasier Fir. Bigger out of pocket cost than a real tree. Josh still has to be there to help me get things out of the attic. We have to store the thing and the attic is getting crowded.

Option 3: Use my three foot high artificial tree. Pros: No watering or cleaning needles. We already have the thing. I can put it up. Cons: Josh will still need to help me get the ornaments from the attic. It's not prelit so i'll have to mess with lights. It will need to sit on a peice of furniture, most likely the sewing machine so the cats will have something to try and jump on the examine the thing. Since it's on the sewing machine there won't be room for many presents adn they'll have to sit on the floor. I'll feel like a cop-out for putting up a lame tree.

Josh is no help in this. He tells me it's all my decision. He does that a lot. It annoys the hell out of me. If he wants a big tree I wish he would just tell me and i'll strike Option 3 off the list and focus on 1 and 2. If he wants a real tree then i'll say ok and prepare to rally for that little outing. I need guidance dammit! It's his Christmas too! Of course him being so passive has it's positive side sometimes. This just isn't one of those times.

Of course this isn't just about the tree and the decorating. It's facing the fact that I have a chronic health problem that is going to make various parts of my life a real pain in the ass and I don't have much recourse. It's trying to be ok with my sleep disorder and meds fucking up my weekend plans and getting in the way of making the most of the time that I do have to do things.

I guess Charlie Brown isn't the only one who can take a wonderful thing like Christmas and turn it into a problem.

I really should relax and not worry about all this, but we'll be out of town of Saturday and for a few days surrounding the actual holiday so I feel like we need to get things done so we can enjoy them for as long as we can while we're here.

So I still don't know what we're going to do. We'll do something. But i'm not sure what. And that is driving me crazy!

Feeling festive? No akshually. But maybe we can fix that.

2008-12-05T20:27:00.003-05:00

So this weekend I declared that we would put up the Christmas tree. Because if not now, when? If we wait until i'm feeling festive enough to initiate it (and I always have to initiate it) then it'll be January before the thing goes up.

I'm not sure why i'm not feeling it right now. I think part of it comes from living in NC where it doesn't get cold until November and rarely if ever snows. Snow would help with my mood. Or maybe not having to worry about all the effort that goes into Christmas. The tree, the moving things, the dragging crap out of the attic. I don't mind the shopping, but I just don't feel well enough to do everything else normally done at Chirstmas. Like baking. I love baking. But the prospect of getting my kitchen dirty and having to clean it makes me want to take a nap.

But I have resolved to try and get in the mood. Things are coming out of the attice tomorrow, i've ordered a Christmas dress for Abigail and i'm looking forward to dressing her and the other girls up. And tonight I decided to open the spumante I bought for Thanksgiving and get loaded and watch The Nutcracker.

Of course on second thought maybe that was a bad idea. When I was watching this the other night it just made me depressed that I never became a ballerina. (For realz. I seriously wanted to be a ballet dancer when I grew up. I didn't grow out of it when I hit puberty.) Oh well, what's more normal at Chirstmas than depression?

I guess the answer to that is dragging a live tree into your house to sit in water, cover with electric lights and surround with flamable things. And fattening food. And watching Russian people skip around in tights. Is that the magic of Christmas i'm starting to feel? Or is the alcohol starting to kick in? Meh. What difference does it make?

This is what happens...

2008-12-04T13:39:00.002-05:00

When I go off on a tangent.

Here is a link to the offending article.

And her name is ALEX KUCZYNSKI. I meant to check over my spelling of her name but I got all posty and forgot.

What did I just say about stepping the fuck off!

2008-12-04T09:25:00.003-05:00

Sigh. Here we muthafucking go again.

Let me bring you up to speed if you don't run in the same online circles as I do.

Alex Kuczynski, a writer and somewhat popular target for online snark, wrote an article about her experience with infertility and her eventual use of a gestational surrogate in last week's New York Times Magazine. And then the shit hit the fan.

Kuczynski has since been criticized by everyone for everything. No, really. She's been taken to task for (of course) being vain enough not to adopt, not accepting her "fate" as a woman who can't have children, being rich, writing a past book on plastic sugery, and allegedly being rude to the woman carrying her child. Of course the thornier issues that surround surrogacy have been brought up, and while these issues are valid and make for interesting discussion, Kuczinsky has been crucified as if she's the only woman ever to take part in such a strange arrangement.

Now i'm not really familiar with Kuczynski and her body of work and the various things she's done to incite this type of ire. I've read about her in passing on Gawker, but that's about it. So I admit that I came to read her article with an open mind about her as a person. I also came to it as someone who has been following a few infertility blogs for the past few years and has nothing but sympathy for the people who deal with this problem and acceptance of however they want to deal with it. So i'm not the best person to read this thing and look for things to criticize.

But should we be looking for things to criticize at all? I don't think so.

Let's start with the most obvious and frequently thrown egg. She should have adopted. There are lots of kids who need homes. How selfish and vain for her to go to such lengths to have a biological child when there are kids out there who need her.

Ok, now I'm all for adoption. If you want to adopt knock yourself out. But there are a lot of complications and moral gray areas that people who push adoption ignore. First of all, adoption is expensive. Granted Kucsinski could afford to adopt the same way she could afford to undergo several IVF cyles and then to compensate a surrogate, however, a lot of people out there find that they have a hard time concieving and once they look into adoption realize that they are financially better off to start on Clomid and see where it takes them.

There is also the matter of being allowed to adopt. Home studies prior to adoption are brutal. They can be just as, if not more, emotionally draining as enduring ART. At least if you're cycling with ART you can keep it to yourself or only share with trusted freinds and family. With a home study you have a stranger going through your life with a fine tooth comb looking for cracks all while you hold your breath and hope they judge you worthy of a child. We've also heard more stories recently about people being denied the chance to adopt for reasons that are out of this world. Things like obesity or past health problems have kept people who really want to give a child a home from doing that. I don't think I could stand it and I don't blame people for feeling the same way and choosing another option.

Another problem with adoption is that so many of the children needing homes are older children or children of a different race or ethnic background of those who are looking to adopt. People who wait years to adopt infants and very young children are often criticized for not adopting an older child. Yes, even when you adopt, you can do it wrong. I understand the concern for the older children who are waiting for homes. It is truley heartbreaking. However an older child presents obstacles that not everyone is ready to deal with. They may have health problems or behavioral issues that need extensive therapy or may never get better. The race and ethnicity issue is puzzling as well. How do you raise a child to know their heritage if you have never experienced it? Do they even need to be raised to know their heritage? That's a loaded question right there. People who pass on the opportunity to adopt an older child are often said to be too self-centered or wanting a perfect baby too much to take on the challenge. Well that's crap. I think it's vital that people know their limits, especially when considering something as monumental as raising a child. I think most people's reluctance to adopt an older child comes from a fear not of failing as parents, but of failing the child who needed them most.

Another question I always ask myself when reading these things is "Why is it up to them to adopt? How many kids have you adopted? Oh, none. Because you could have your own kids. I see. " There is so very much wrong with people telling others what their lot in life is but so often we can't keep ourselves from doing just that. A large part of what bothers me about the hoopla surrounding Kucynski's article is the amount of criticism that is coming from the feminist community when so many of their comments smack of the paternalism they claim to despise and that we all are working hard to overcome.

I also think that it's fucked up to criticize and discount the desire to have a biological child. The urge to spread our genes around has been ingrained in us through millions of years of evolution. We like to think that we've overcome these base desires but really we haven't. It's why the family of an addict enables, why we eat more when more is given to us, why our blood boils when someone threatens our home and why people spend years and thousands of dollars trying to concieve with ART. We are to spread our genes and then protect them to the bitter end.

On a slightly higher mental level I also understand the desire to make a baby with your spouse. Kucynski brings this up in her article. She wants the love between her and her husband to be embodied in a child. I can't blame her for that. I've thought many times about the translucent baby Josh and I will have, maybe with my blue eyes and his naturally curly hair. Or maybe little Evelyn will have my will not hold a curl hair and her dad's brown eyes and big head. I'm still amazed at how much my father in law looks like his mom, and how I sound like my mom on the phone. These are the things baby dreams are made of and I don't think it's fair to rip someone to shreds for holding on to these dreams month after month of negative pregnancy tests, disapointment, sadness, feeling like you're broken, and then through the injections, doctor visits, and failed cycles that come with ART. When the hope of having a baby with mom's nose and his dad's eyes is the only thing that gets someone up in the morning I think the selfish people are the ones who stomp on that dream because they feel uncomfortable with all the medical intervention, the money being spent, the kids in foster care, or the conviction that this person just wasn't meant to have kids.

So adoption isn't the panacea that it's often made out to be. It's not like in old cartoons and movies where you drive to the orphanage one Saturday and come home with a kid. If it were that easy i'm sure more people would adopt, but it's not and I can't sit in judgement of someone for taking a different route that felt right to them.

So now that i've dealt with all THAT...

Another complaint about Kucynski's arrangement and surrogacy in general is the fianacial incentives involved and that women who are surrogates are often in lower income brackets than the people who hire her. (Because there's nothing at all like this going on in adoption. All those kids came from upper middle class people and no one needed to consider their financial situation before making the heart rending choice to give up their child. Nope. Nothing like that going on at all.)

I actually call bullshit on the hang-wringing over the financial situation of Kucynski's surrogate and all the other surrogates out there. The concern is that these women aren't really making an informed and clear headed choice about being a surrogate because the money offered to them is too much to pass up. I'm not so sure about that.

In the case of Kucynski's surrogate she was very open and upfront about how the money from her surrogate pregnancy would help her and her family. As in, she was putting it towards her kid's college funds. So what's the problem? This woman has a home, a stable life, happy kids. I'm not getting that the money offered to her was coercive.

In fact Kucynski states in her article that surrogate agencies make a point of not accepting poor women as surrogates for many reasons, mainly that the money would be coercive to someone in dire straights. (Other reasons were a lack of health insurance and general poor health, and less life stability i.e. job, home, stable relationship.)

Mostly I think that what it comes down to is that surrogates choose to be surrogates. They are compensated for the amazing feat they are doing as they should be, but I don't think that there are many surrogates out there who are carrying another person's child just for the money. In the same way I could never be a stripper because it is just too much outside of my personality and I couldn't handle it no matter how good the money is, I don't think that we have to worry about women being surrogates for the money because if they don't want to do it everything involved will keep them from signing up. Pregnancy is 24/7 for nine whole months. It carries some pretty big health risks and giving birth is a huge ordeal. This isn't like a job where you're exploited for eight hours and then you go home. I have a very hard time believing that someone would sign up for all that pregnancy and birth entail with out being ok with all that and desiring an experience that goes beyond the money they are paid. (Keep in mind i'm only talking about America here. The booming rates of surrogacy in India are a different matter.) Again i'm puzzled by the vitrol spouted by feminist writers on this subject that assume that surrogates are being taken advantage of, a position that ignores the choice they had in the matter.

As for her being rude to the woman who was doing her an enormous service, I didn't see it. Sure some of the things she said in the article come off bad, but after 11 IVF cycles, four miscarriages and now one former stranger carrying a baby made of your egg and your husband's sperm things get complicated. Feelings get complicated. It's not always sunshine and lollipops. Sometimes it's envy, jelousy, anger, failure and loss. I admire Kucynski for writing openly about all those feelings knowing that they wouldn't be looked on kindly.

Finally the photos. Kucynski is pictured on her manicured lawn holding the product of this adventure, her son, with her baby nurse in the back ground. Her surrogate Cathy is pictured very pregnant and barefoot (yes, barefoot) sitting on her porch which needs to be repainted. These photos are anything but subtle. However the ire they stir up should be directed at the photo editior and the photographer who took these pictures and decided that it was a good idea to publish them with the story, not Kucynski who I am certain did not have any say in which photos were used with the story.

In a nutshell I don't hate Alex Kucynski. I don't judge her. I don't think anyone should. It's easy to live in our heads and wonder about the larger implications of ART and surrogates. It's easy to sit at your computer and type mean comments about all the kids in foster care. It's easy to go for the low blow and call someone a rich bitch who wanted the latest accessory, a baby.

What isn't easy is looking into someone's life and trying to understand their pain. It's hard to put yourself in the postion of spending five years trying to get pregnant. It's hard to fathom enduring four miscarriages. It's hard to think about how you would feel seeing another person carrying your baby. But what really seems to be hard, nearly impossible, for us as a society is too look at other people's choices and realize that they don't reflect on us. That how one person finds their way to parenthood is just that. One person and their journey. One family doing what is right for them.

We all need to stop fretting over what choices others make and get on with our own lives.

Julie beat me to posting but her perspective is worth a read as always. She's said what i'm thinking much more succinctly. But I think this post from Slate's XX Factor sums it up nicely: So what?

Have I mentioned we're consumer whores lately?

2008-12-01T14:40:00.002-05:00

I guess in this case Josh is the consumer whore since it's technically his TV, but I went along with it and also saw like five things I wanted at Sears while we were browsing, so yeah, we're consumer whores.

The decision to buy a big ass TV came about because Josh's old TV in his den was losing color constantly and had to be whacked with a broom handle to get the color to come back. That has actually been going on for a while now. But then last week his Dish Network DVR died. This complicated things because:

-We technically own that reciever

-So rather than calling up Dish Network and having them send out a new one, we would have to pay for a new one which is at least a couple hundred dollars

-Which would be silly because we would need a new HD reciever anyway once we got the big TV

-And that would surely happen before the new reciever died

-So we may as well go ahead and get the big TV and go to Dish HD now that the TV and the reciever have croaked at the same time and the reciever is free with the sign up for the HD programming upgrade.

Make sense? Basically Josh got a new TV because his reciever/DVR died, his TV was on life support, I really didn't want to be his Tivo monkey for the forseeable future, and Circuit City gave him 36 months no interest. But he's happy and i'm happy he's happy eventhough I don't get the big TV thing.

I do however get the super cool refrigerator, dishwasher, diamond earring thing...

I told you I was a consumer whore.

A pleasant change from the usual microwaved crap I smell around here.

2008-11-21T10:25:00.002-05:00

Someone has just microwaved something that smells like Fetticutine Alfredo and it smells soooooo good. Now i'm craving it but the soonest I can have it is dinner. And that's if I can convince Josh to go to Basil's tonight. It's going to be a long seven or eight hours.

Bright lights, Bad controller.

2008-11-20T10:08:00.003-05:00

So last night I finally began playing Animal Crossing: City Folk.

The game came in on Sunday but we were out of town so it didn't get picked up until Tuesday. Then I had to wait for Josh to explain the complicated system of switches used to hook up the Wii in the living room and stand around to make sure I didn't some how break the Wii while trying to make my town. (What? I never said I was a video game geek.)

Now I love Animal Crossing. It's my game. I play it the way some people play World of Warcraft. But I didn't really enjoy City Folk right off because of the controller.

I realize i'm risking my Geek License here but I don't care. I don't like the nunchuck controller, I don't think it works well in the situations that come up in Animal Crossing, and i'm honestly kind of pissed at Nintendo for forcing their gimmicky controller on me.

I'm also still a bit pissed at the forced use of the touch screen in Wild World. The fact that the only efficient way to sell multiple items to Nook was by dragging them with the stylus really bugged the shit out of me. And did anyone really use the stylus to make their person walk around town? I couldn't get myself to move without either running or digging in random places. And of course there was the little fiasco of needing a second person in town to get any Spotlight Items but not being told this, and the cock up with the feather rewards for donating to Boondox that is so screwed up i'll never get my feathers and thus never have all the accessories. So Nintendo is a little on the outs with me already for their various gimmicks that don't really add to the game, but the nunchuck really pissed me off.

The nunchuck doesn't do anything that couldn't be done with the control stick and the A button. When you are forced to use the thing it's in the worst possible way. For instance to bring up my "pockets" where all my stuff is I have to move the Wimote so that the little hand is on the screen. Then I have to chose my pockets from the bottom of the screen. The problem is that my pockets are in the far left so it's very easy to move too far take the hand off the screen and the whole damn thing disappears. When i'm selling to Nook rather than use the control stick to move over my items I have to use the Wimote. Again the Wimote moves so erratically that it's a real pain in the ass to select an item. I dread how i'm going to have to fish with this thing.

Other than my burning hot hatred for the controller I was pretty pleased by the game so far. I like the feel of the big town that I didn't get with Wild World. I liked the return of different levels to the town. Shopping at Nook's Cranny gives me a nice sense of nostalgia for when things were simple and when I didn't have to deal with Tommy and Timmy at Nookingtons. I caught a cricket and donated it to the musuem, my first donation in this town. And of course there is a whole new world of terrible puns for me to read over and over again as I catch all the fish and bugs over the next year.

I haven't been into the city yet. Josh forgot to buy the strategy guide with the game so i'm waiting for it to come from Amazon before I venture beyond my town. I'm curious how the city will be. I know that Crazy Redd and Gracie have stores in the city, but i'm not sure how Wendell and Sahara will work. I am excited over this new aspect to the game, but i'm also a little sad that it's not about just living in your small town and making your way there anymore.

That said i'm sure i'll enjoy this game as much as i've enjoyed the last two. That is if the stupid controller doesn't annoy me enough to keep me from playing.

Oh Boy does this deserve a Facepalm...

2008-11-20T10:00:00.006-05:00

Dear Prudence: My Family Thinks That an Exorcism Will Cure my Mental Illness

I would say that monkeys are delivering mail around here...

2008-11-19T12:57:00.002-05:00

...but that would be an insult to some of God's most interesting and intelligent creatures. I'm fairly certain that a monkey could learn which mailbox in the mail room belongs to my department.

As for the people who somehow continue to address my mail to the English department despite the fact that I do not now, nor have I ever worked there, they have to be a special kind of stupid.

So...stupid animal. Hmmm. Sadly I think humans are the best fit here.

There is a flag on the field.

2008-11-19T11:35:00.002-05:00

Insert whistle here. Team Put Up Our Chirstmas Decorations Two Weeks Before Thanksgiving has fouled. False start. You are penalized five yards and must repeat first down.

Everyone needs to step off!

2008-11-17T13:03:00.002-05:00

And I mean that shit!

This Open Salon article about it's anti-feminist that Michelle Obama will "just be a mom" once the move into the White House is made has my blood pressure up.

The writer makes excellent points that I won't repeat here, but what I mostly got out of this article is that everyone needs to Shut The Fuck Up about parenting decisions that don't involve their child.

Sasha and Malia Obama are not your kids. Timmy down the road who is never seen without a Fun Dip is not your kid. You neice Becky who likes to play Xbox is not your kid. The three year old on that leash at Wal-Mart? Yeah, he's not your kid. The infant at the Red Lobster with a bottle? Not. Your. Kid.

Now don't get me wrong. I have some strong opinions about childrearing that i've formed from reading various websites, books, magazines, seeing the behavior of parents and their kids in public, and being the awesome but still flawed result of my own parents.

But you know what? I keep it to myself. I talk about these things with Josh since he'll be dad of any kids we have. I talk about it with my Mom and Dad since they're the most level headed people I know. I turn it all over in my head sometimes, going over the reasoning with myself again and again. But do I bring it up to strangers I encounter? No. Do I go bitching on the internet about how this person is doing it wrong, wrong, wrong? No. Do I even spout it here on my blog, where my pointless thoughts come to die? No, not so far. But that may change.

My point is that unless you have legal custody over a child (i.e. you created them somehow, adopted them or were granted gaurdianship by a court of law) you need to clam up.

And most likely you need to calm down.

Many of these little conniptions revolve around the possible harm that is coming to either the kids or the world at large over the decisions the parents in question have made.

Will feminism survive with Michelle Obama at home? Yeah, sure, why not? She's first lady at least for the next four years. Who knows what will happen in that time and what she may decide to do. But right now she, the woman who carried these two girls and knew them intimately before they were even here in many ways, thinks she needs to focus on her kids and making this HUGE transition easier on them. It makes perfect sense to me. But even if it didn't, it doesn't matter because (say it with me now!) they aren't my kids.

Will Timmy get cavities from his Fun Dip addiction? Maybe. Maybe not. Truth is a slice of bread will give you cavities if you let it sit on your teeth. Step off and trust Timmy's mom to make sure his teeth are brushed and he goes to a dentist. Does Becky play too much Xbox? Maybe. Maybe she gets plenty of exercise at school. You don't know. Her parents do.

Unless the kid is wrestling with the pet tiger, or Mom and Dad are making meth in the rumpus room, or there is some evidence of the kid being in immediate danger, calm down. Step off. Not your kid.

I know that the article is really more about a feminist hand-wringing, but it's just evidence of bigger problem of us making other people's lives all about us. And that problem gets soooooo much bigger when a kid is involved. It's all life and death then even when it's not. From breastfeeding vs. formula to what kids are being fed and what ever would happen if he was allowed to ride a bike down the street without his knee pads people think that it's dire enough to butt in and it's not. If kids were this delicate the human race would have died out by now.

We all need to adopt Not My Kid as a mantra and start trusting the people around us to raise the kids they have well their way.

And we can all stop worrying about feminism and Michelle Obama. She's a great lady, classy and smart. She'll do us feminists proud. And I think she'll do mothers proud too. But the only thing that really matters is that she do her kids proud, and I have no worries about that.

Yea! Wall-E!

2008-11-17T11:25:00.003-05:00

My pre-ordered copy of Wall-E shipped Friday meaning that with my two-day shipping it will be here today. I'm so excited! I can't wait to watch it and see that sweet little guy with his Hello Dolly tape, his pet cockroach and his little whistles and chirps!

I really can't believe how much I loved this movie and this charecter. I swear I think I was captured by Pixar and studied so they would know how to make Wall-E capture my heart and my wallet. It's almost scary how deep my connection is to this charecter. Of course when you look at other people with a deep connection to a fictional charecter mine isn't so bad. I'm not dressing up as Wall-E to go clubbing and getting a job in the waste management industry to be more like him. (Vampire people i'm looking in your direction.)

Anyway, I don't care if Pixar did kidnap me. Fuck it. We only live once and Wall-E makes me happy and teary and want to squeeze something (like my Wall-E plush) so i'll be on the couch tonight watching my movie, crying, laughing, wishing Wall-E was real so he could come live with me and compress my trash and be adorable. (Of course EVE could come along too. She's Wall-E's soulmate. I couldn't separate them. Oh, there I go again tearing up.)

Comedien Ralphie May talks about being 'tard happy. Wall-E makes me 'tard happy.

And with exception of the use of the term "tard" is that so wrong? No. No it isn't. Maybe the world would be a better place if we could all get 'tard happy so easily.

It's the little things...

2008-11-13T14:20:00.002-05:00

So my doctor yesterday (not my regular doctor, but I was there and in a mood to take my pants off so what the hell) didn't notice my somewhat hairy legs or my freshly shaven underarms. He did however complement my exceptionally clean belly button.

Yes, my belly button.

Apparently he has seen patients with a thick wool sweater in there and was moved to complement me on my vacant one.

And this is one of the reasons I could never be a doctor.

I'm a big medical geek. I read the Merck Manual for fun. I watch a lot of Discovery Health. I drove to Charlotte in January to see Body Worlds. I love to read about odd diseases and deformities. You think I would be perfect to be a doctor.

No. First, I hate needles. I don't think I could ever draw blood from someone. Besides that, do you know how doctors learn to draw blood? They practice on each other. No thanks. You don't get near my veins without being a phlebotomist with ten years experience and a Flintstones Chewable Valium for me. So no way in Hell would I be a blood letting dummy.

Second, I'm too emotional. I couldn't tell someone they were dying or had lost a pregnancy or was paralyzed. I cried through half of Wall-E. There are movies I haven't seen and don't intend to ever see because they're too sad. The bad part of medicine would break me.

Even if I did move past these little road blocks to become an actual doctor I couldn't deal with the nasty people I would end up seeing. The fact that it is not a common practice to wiggle a soapy finger around in your belly button every night is scary to me. I couldn't deal with doing a pap on a woman who hasn't changed her underwear in days, or examining the scalp of someone who doesn't wash their hair more often than once a month, or looking at an ingrown toenail of someone who doesn't wear socks. I know humans are gross, but that's why we have soap and water. I know that Americans are considered nuerotic by the rest of the world because we bathe everyday but i'm ok with that.

I just don't see why people with running water and a dollar in their pocket can't get clean. If you're homeless, I get it. Otherwise, come on. Soap is cheap. Water is less cheap, but take a bird bath. Wash your hair everyother day. There is no excuse.

And that is what I would end up telling the dirty people I would see as a doctor. And they would get all offended and I would end up paying off my medical school loans by working in a Jiffy Lube.

So anyway, body hair isn't an issue for my doctor. Belly button lint is.

Another interesting thing he told me is that when diabetics loose circulation in their feet the first thing they loose is their toe hair. (He told me this after noticing the few hairs on my toe I didn't even think about shaving, but ususally do.) So toe hair is good.

As a final note i'll warn you not to do a Google Image Search for belly button. You will find many, many pictures of people who have had tattoos done on their stomach with the belly button to be various bodily openings. It's gross. A bit clever I admit. I never would have thought of that, but maybe that's a good thing. But yeah, gross.

It's about love.

2008-11-13T13:15:00.005-05:00

As a happily married Christian I implore you to read the text or watch the video of Keith Olberman's Final Thought on the passing of Prop 8, which bans gay marriage in California.

He echos my thoughts on the matter, that more love in the world is a good thing and that gay marriage doesn't detract from the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. He brings up the marriages that do, those that are gone into foolishly, without love, without trust, with one or both people involved knowing it's a sham.

He mentions the collateral damage of these marriages, damage that could have been avoided if only we allowed people to live their honestly and marry those they really care about.

So check it out. And think if you weren't allowed to marry the person you loved.

It begins...A new project. And other projects.

2008-11-13T10:00:00.005-05:00

Look upon Scarlet Wizard. My next major project. The things I do for Josh. But he has been told that if we ever split it comes with me.

Now I know what you are thinking. "Surely a Blue Ribbon Cross Stitcher like yourself can handle this. It'll be done in no time."

But this is the thing. Scarlet Wizard here is stitched on 18 count black aida. That means that there are 18 little squares per inch. So the holes between the squares are very tiny and since the fabric is black it's hard to tell where the holes actually are.

To aid my poor eyes I have a clip on light and pulled out my 1.25 magnifying glasses. I was sure these had saved my life until last night when they gave me an eye strain headache like you wouldn't believe. I had to put the thing away and work on some needlepoint to give my eyes a break.

I'm also keeping track of the time I spend on this project. At the end I plan to calculate what the cost would be if someone had paid me to stitch this. I garuntee only the ten richest kings of persia will be able to afford it.

Along those lines of thinking I told josh last night that once I was done I would deserve a nice piece of jewelry. He agreed. Excellent...

I do wish that I could work longer on this piece. I'm really enjoying it so far. The colors are great and much of the detail is half-cross stitch so it's going quickly right now. Oh well, it will be done soon enough. And i'll be able to work on other projects without guilt. I really need to pick it up on the needlepoint. Hell, i'm not even half done with Josh's needlepoint stocking and mine is still in the package. Of course I told him that it could take a few years for me to get it done.

On that front I finished Butterflies in Blue on Sunday and last night I started Butterfly Drama which features a Monarch. (You have to say it like The Monarch! on Venture Brothers.) These are going into the kitchen which has a bit of a butterfly theme. I've had them forever and just finished Butterfly Surprise last December. You can see how quickly I get distracted/little free time I have/really prefer cross stitch/just plain forget about things, take your pick. I do have two frames coming from Ebay so that will motivate me to finish up the third butterfly for the kitchen.

On that note, I finally found some fabric I think i'm going to try and make a valance out of for the Kitchen. It's the same fabric as Abigail's bedding that I bought on Ebay. The fabric was from Wal-mart on only $2.88 a yard. I think i'll also get some to make a purse from a pattern included with a dress pattern. And i've found a free pattern online for a wrap skirt for an American Girl doll. Maybe i'll learn to sew yet.

But anyway, that's the craft update I suppose. As always I have big plans. We'll see what happens with them.

What does this say about me?

2008-11-12T13:07:00.002-05:00

Today I have my yearly tune up. Now for those of you not familiar with what this entails for a woman, i'll basically be propped open and swabbed.

Considering that the doctor has their head right close to your legs during this task most women won't go to this particular appointment without shaving their legs.

Not me. Not only will shaving mess up my waxing, but I really didn't feel like it last night.

But you know what I did shave?

My underarms.

This appointment also includes a feeling of the boobs and I would be mortified if my pits were hairy. And as a doctor I would probably be grossed out by armpit hair on a patient. So I shaved that. But not my legs.

I rationalize this by saying that my leg hair is very light and fine, and it is. But what does it say about me that leg hair gets a pass but underarm hair doesn't? Maybe it just means I should never go to France.

So about that election.

2008-11-11T12:52:00.003-05:00

I went to vote on election day because I was too lazy to do it early. It worked out in my favor though, I had no line at the church where I vote. I tripped on the stairs going up into the fellowship hall, but the election volunteers were talking to each other and didn't notice. Once you've spent your formative years getting teased, picked on and having food thrown at you the expectation of that behavior doesn't leave you. It was only after I righted myself and went inside to get my ballot from the very nice ladies inside that I realized that had they seen me fall, they would have asked if I was ok, helped me up and probably complained about that first step needing some yellow paint.

I marked my ballot, made my oval for Obama extra dark, fed it into the ballot eating moe-sheen and went home for a nap.

I expected nothing that night. The last two elections i've voted in have gone on into the wee hours of the morning so I resolved that this was like an early Chirstmas. I would wake up in the morning and get a brand new president or the same old crap from the last eight years. I guess McCain would have been like getting socks and underwear and Obama was like a shiny new wagon or American Girl doll.

I honestly thought that Obama would win. On our way home from our anniversary dinner Josh and I had a discussion about our surprise at McCain being picked for the Republican nominee. I mean really. Really? This is your best choice? The guy plenty of Republicans don't really like and only became an official Republican a few years ago to add President to his list of accomplishments? (But I can't really complain too much. Fuckabee might have run and he might have won and my uterus would no longer be my own.) But although I was pretty sure of Obama's victory I was scared to say it out loud. As much as I value science and proof in all things I also believe in things beyond our knowledge and really didn't want to jinx the outcome. (Yes I know this makes no sense. I'm a human. Humans are complicated. Deal.)

ANYWAY...

Eleven o'clock rolled around and went in the back to kiss Josh goodnight. He looked at me and said "It's over."

"What's over?"

"The election. Obama won. It's mathmatically impossible for McCain to win at this point."

"Oh. Awesome. Good night."

Again, I had basically counted on Obama winning so it wasn't much of a surprise for me. I put in my earplugs and went to bed.

Now this is where things get weird.

Around two o'clock I woke up to Josh in the bedroom asking me if I had heard anything. Well now. I was asleep with ear plugs. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Josh came in again and told me that he was chalking it up to the cats knocking something over.

Dude, don't care. Sleeping.

Then Josh went to go smoke.

He came back in the bedroom and asked if there were any real pumpkins outside.

Uh, no. If I had a real pumpkin it would have been carved in front of Josh as we watched various Halloween specials. But Josh somehow didn't remember that and was confused by the sudden appearance of pumpkins and just had to ask.

At this point I just took my ear plugs out, and put some clothes on. After all Josh was wide awake so why should I be asleep?

Turns out the noise was the glass in our screen door falling out of the actual door frame. What could cause this to happen? Try a pumpkin. A pumpkin that was, I can only guess, thrown at our door, knocking the glass out, then busted against the edge of our porch below the kitchen window. There was a second pumpkin in my flower bed/weed garden that had not been busted up for some reason. Laziness? Fear of being found out? Being really, really stoned? Who knows.

Now if this had been Halloween night I would have shaken my fist at the young whippersnappers that did this and gone back to bed. But it wasn't. And just to be safe we called the sheriff's department.

A very nice deputy came out and took a report. He checked the back yard and made sure our tires hadn't been slashed. He seemed as confused as we were. I mean, it's not like you have to go far in this town to find someone with an Obama sticker on their car, if that was their motivation. I was the only one left with Halloween decorations up, but why would they complain about that by making my place look more Halloweenish with pumpkins?

I just don't know. We've not had any other problems and I still feel quite safe. The biggest complaint was not having the glass in the door so we went in and out of the empty frame for a few days. That was a pain in the ass.

But I know when I get to heaven my fist question to the Lord will be "What was up with the pumpkins that night in 2008?"

And they Lord will reply "They were stoned teenagers."

Excellent. Awesome. Very Good Indeed.

2008-11-05T09:38:00.002-05:00

The Wizard's Quilt

2008-11-04T12:57:00.009-05:00

I finally finished The Wizard's Quilt, the companion peice to Dragon's Quilt, both designs by Dragon Dreams. Once I frame them the Dragons will be over my night stand and the Wizard will be over Josh's. Just in case our bedroom wasn't geeky enough with the stacks of Adult Swim DVDs on the tv, the Wall-E comforter on the bed and the DS Lites on each night stand.

And you wait and you wait and you wait and you wait.....

2008-11-04T12:53:00.001-05:00

A few things that were scaring me this Halloween weekend

2008-11-03T10:33:00.002-05:00

How awesome all my dolls looked dressed up for trick or treat! Abigail's mermaid costume was $26 very well spent. She could have been going as a clothed Venus di Milo.

The fact that McCain may still win this election. Shudder.

The number of children who stuck their hands into my candy bowl and tried to get more candy AFTER I had already given them their allotment! Greedy little bastards.

The fact that I woke up Sunday morning, went to Wal-mart and found a large Christmas tree up at the entrance and "Angels we have heard on high" already playing.

The fact that my immediate reaction to this celebration of the birth of my Lord and Savior was "Oh jeez, not already."

The fact that I then purchased a pair of Christmas earrings, a small star to go on my doll's tree and spend a good amount of time perusing the outdoor decorations wondering what I could add to the display this year to zazz it up. You know, since it was already out and all.

The fact that 5% of voters in NC were undecided as late as yesterday. Make up your damn minds people!

Most scary of all though was the amount of money I mailed off Friday to pay bills. It was so much i'm surprised that I didn't wake up Saturday to the sound of my own screams. Of course it could have been scarier. I could have had no money to pay bills at all.

So, about that tire...

2008-10-30T10:50:00.002-04:00

I left work last week with my nearly flat tire, drove very carefully to the car place down the road from our house and pulled in. I explained my problem and the nice man looked over my tire as I backed up slowly and declared that it didn't have a nail or other object in it so all he could do was put air in it. Fine. After getting some FREE air I went home and took a nap.

A few days later (Sunday to be exact) I noticed the tire was low again. I planned to leave work Monday and go to the place that Only Does Tires (and rims, and inspections and oil changes, but they have Tire in their name, so that's like their specialty) and have them look at it. Josh's theory of tire leakage was that the stem needed replacing and that is where the leak was coming from.

I tried on Monday to get to the Only Does Tires place and failed due to a terrible traffice jam that frustrated me so bad that I gave up and returned to my office to wait for Josh. (Our work schedules are weird. Three days a week he's here but works later than me, the other two days he's at the community college and also works later than me, but is home for a short period during the day. He also teaches two night classes. So yeah. Effed up schedules.)

Tuesday I tried again taking a different route to avoid any traffic and actually made it to the tire place. I dropped off my keys and sat down in the waiting area with the only decent magazine in the place, a Time from mid-September. And as lame as this was I was just happy that the waiting room TV wasn't tuned in to Fox News. (Really, what is up with that? I can't go in a waiting room these days without a fucking TV blaring and it's always, always set to Fox News. How about something neutral like Animal Planet, or The Weather Channel? I know i'm in NC but fuck, we aren't all right wing maniacs. And some people are annoyed and depressed by the news and don't appreciate having to hear/watch it while waiting to find out the results of your colonoscopy. Or here's an idea, how about no TV in the waiting room? How about we all just look through old magazines or read the book we brought or play Tetris like we all used to do before someone decided to start sticking flat screens every damn where! Jeez! Can I please wait to see a doctor/dentist/vet/mechanic/or shop at Wal-Mart without some flickering box hanging around? )

ANYWAY...

The TV in the waiting area was small and was running a looping DVD about car maintenace so it was easily ignored and kinda quaint and charming given the other waiting rooms i've been in recently (see above rant). So I settled in to read about the financial crisis and the election as it was a month ago.

And then this college girl came in. And of course she was on her cell phone.

Now I like my cell phone. It's convient and the long distance is cheap as hell. But I also like not being an asshole. So as a general rule I don't have conversations on my phone in public. And conversations I do have in public I keep short, quiet and discreet. I don't answer my phone when i'm with someone else unless it's probably an emergency and then I excuse myself first. I basically try not to act like a boar. Or like the girl who joined me in the waiting area of the tire place on Tuesday.

First of all she called everyone she knew and told them about how she failed her inspection at Jiffy Lube then had to come here to get stuff fixed that Jiffy Lube couldn't fix and planned to go back to Jiffy Lube to have them re-inspect her car. She also asked everyone she talked to about their plans for Halloween and if they wanted to tailgate with them on Saturday. (Two constants in a college town: tailgating and a big Halloween celebration.)

Now this was annoying enough, but then she called someone else and after the Jiffy Lube Inspection Drama Story and the Halloween/Tailgating plan making she apprently learned that the person she was talking to had a convesation with Mary mother of Jesus because the rest of the conversation went like this:

"What did she say?

"Tell me!"

"Tell me!"

"Come on, tell me!"

"Tell me!"

"Tell me!"

And it went on like that! Over and over she begged this person to share the secret of the fucking universe with her. At least it had better have been the secret of the universe as annoying as she was about hearing it.

Just as I was about to snap and stuff her head first into the soda machine I saw a man come back in with my keys.

I jumped up and half-ran to the counter anxious to get the fuck away from this idiot and her cell phone.

As I was paying the man I asked what was wrong with my tire. (Remember the tire? The whole thing that started this?)

"It had a nail in it."

And that's when my brain turned to toothpaste and leaked out of my ears.

The end.

Victory is Mine!

2008-10-24T11:15:00.002-04:00

I win! I win! I win!

I don't loose, I win!

First place at the fair!

Victory screach!

WHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mini Manners 101: Can you say Thank you? Apparently not!

2008-10-23T10:29:00.003-04:00

Ok people. This is first grade stuff. I don't know how your Mama raised you, but MY Mom raised me to say Thank You!

Let me back up.

I work in a renovated building on campus. I don't know what this building was like before the renovation, but I know that now it's a labrynith of halls, elevators that only go to two out of three floors and no helpful sinage AT ALL. Seriously. We have signs for what offices are down what hall, but no idea what department or organization those offices belong to.

So at least once a day someone stops by my office and asks how to get to so and so's office, the financial aid office, the advising center, etc. I tell them how to get where they're going and I resist the urge to charge a dollar for my services. (If I did this I would be well on my way to paying off a credit card right now.) And often the lost person will say thank you. Even if they aren't quite sure about my directions they say thanks.

But not the girl who came by today. She was lost, and I told her how to get where she was going. She seemed confused. I repeated my directions in my happy cheerful helpful secretary voice which I always use with strangers I encounter at work. She continued to look confused and just walked off.

Uh, you're welcome?

Now i'm not trying to be an asshole. But i'm not paid to give directions. It's something I do because i'm nice enough to help out if asked or if I see someone wandering around looking lost. I don't like reciting my How To Get To Financial Aid speech five times a day. Especially when I have to do it because the dumb fucks who renovated this place stopped caring when it came time to order signs. But I still do it. I do my best, and to my knowledge the people I direct get where they're going so is a Thanks too much to ask before you walk off? After all, you did interupt my work day, and sometimes i've been interupted while doing actual work, but with a smile I still told you how to find your advisor's office so squeak out a Thanks you miserable clod!

Thanks. Thank you. Not hard. Not hard at all people.

I won't even start on the topic of thank you notes. I will say that I went to two weddings last fall and over a year later have not seen a note from either couple and this makes me kinda pissed. Especially since one of those gifts was one that was hand made by me. But i'll stop.

So keep in mind as you go through life that you are owed very little. And when someone does do you a favor, no matter how small, you owe them a thanks. And if you skip this little courtesy then I hope that someday you end up in a glorified cube with a person talking to themselves on one side, a person using their speaker phone on the other and a rude git in your doorway wanting to know how to get somewhere just as you were about to leave for that off site three martini lunch you need really, really badly.

Not that i'm holding a grudge or anything.

Population Tire

2008-10-22T12:48:00.001-04:00

The tire was checked out and didn't have a nail in it (this time). So the nice man filled it up with air and sent me on my way. So problem solved I guess. Unless it deflates again.

Two years

2008-10-22T11:03:00.002-04:00

Josh and I celebrated our second anniversary the same way we celebrate most things. With dinner, drinks, gifts and then TV.

We exchanged gifts once Josh got home. His was still in the Amazon box, mine still in the padded Nature's Jewelry envelope. He liked his books and graphic novels. I liked my earrings, but was disapointed that my bracelet was backordered.

We went to Outback and had some mixed drinks, a fried onion and steak. My steak was square. I don't know why, but it was a square sirloin. It was also rarer than I would have liked, but not bad.

We went to Walgreens so Josh could buy me a card. (A repeat from last year when we did the same thing after leaving Red Lobster.)

We exchaged cards then spent the rest of the night watching Married With Children repeats he had recorded from TBS.

All in all a nice anniversary.

Oh yeah, BTW

2008-10-21T10:51:00.003-04:00

Today is my second wedding anniversary. So let's try and get lovey dovey up in here.

One of Those Days Already

2008-10-21T09:34:00.003-04:00

It began by Josh leaving this morning and not turning on the heat like I asked him too. And then I slept through my alarm and ended up getting up late, eating late and leaving late. Then as I sat at the light half way to work the guy in the truck next to me caught my eye. He was telling me that my back right tire was just about flat.

Fuck.

So I pulled into the gas station across the intersection. Air was $0.75 quaters only. (Remember when air was free? Or like a single quater? And remember the cents symbol? I miss that thing. It's easier than typing the dollar sign, zero, period then the amount of cents.) I had about $0.45 in nickles and dimes. So I went into the store to buy the Pepsi I was planning on buying at work anyway, getting cash back from the debit card, a dollar of that in quaters to feed the air moe sheen. But unlike every single debit card accepting establishment on Earth I could not get cash back at this gas station with the purchase of my Pepsi.

Fuck.

So I went back out to the car and weighed my options. Option One: Continue on to work and use the six hours there to come up with a plan. Option Two: Make three quaters somehow appear out of thin air, use the air moe sheen, proceed to work. I was stuck with Option One.

So I went on my merry way to work. Late, driving extra careful because of the near flat, and pretty annoyed at this turn of events. I'm also still coughing like a MoFo despite having finished my medicine and this coughing is being aggravated by the random junk that has accumulated on our heat pump's heating elements over the summer. So I can be cold and not cough as much, or I can be warm and cough my ass off.

And I just realized that since I was in a gas station and not on campus I could have purchased my preferred Coke instead of a Pepsi, but my brain was too scattered to realize this and now I have a too sweet for me without ice Pepsi to drink instead of a not so sweet on it's own Coke.

And it's only 10 am.

Fuuuuuuck.

I rly are sick.

2008-10-14T10:37:00.002-04:00

You know how on just about every TV show and movie ever made that involves a woman in labor she looks to the man who knocked her up and screams "You did this to me!"? Yeah, I did that this morning. Only instead of screaming I sort of croaked it out through the swollen, mucus covered thing that was once my throat.

Yes, one bad thing about being married (or to be fair, cohabitating) is that you pass germs around like a fat joint. Or a jug of wine. Whichever. It seems that having a sick person breathe on you for eight hours as you share the same bed isn't the best way to prevent getting their cold.

So here I am sick and going to get sicker as Josh gets better. It never fails that once he starts to improve I start to come down with what he had.

My most fervent hope now is that this will give me some immunity or resistance to the various viruses that will be floating around campus for the next four or five months. No wait. My most fervent hope is that this will give Josh immunity or resistance to the viruses that his students will be carrying around for the next four or five months. Why? Because Josh is possibly the most annoying person on earth when he's sick. As much as I love him, when he gets the sniffles he acts like he's being disemboweled and I have a very short fuse for that sort of thing. So for his safety and my sanity I really hope this is the only illness that visits us this Fall/Winter.

On the up side of things, my very large American Girl order placed during the Samantha Panic of '08 is due to be delivered today. I should be excited, but mostly i'm still pretty pissed about the whole "archiving" thing. I still intend to post a rant about it, but i'm trying to come up with something that doesn't involve 90% swearing, threats of violence or references to flaming bags of dog poo.

Onward, Upward and Always Twirling, Twirling, Twirling Towards Freedom!

2008-10-10T12:50:00.003-04:00

Well, I finally did it. I stumped Dr. Studwell. I broke his brain.

Wednesday I went in for my follow up to see how the Vyvanse was working. The answer is not very well. I've had some improvement in my wakefullness at work, but not enough to justify how high my heart rate was.

So to see if any thing was interfering with the meds blood was drawn and checked for thyroid problems, kidney and liver function, a complete blood count and glucose level.

Normal. All of it normal.

So from here he's sending me to a nuerologist. I see them on Wednesday. I'm a little concerned that i'm effed up enough to need a nuerologist, but i'm also hopeful that he will finally be able to help me.

So onward, upward, past the next star and straight on til morning.

Product Slut: Prada for Women

2008-10-09T12:03:00.004-04:00

I first got wind of Prada for Women from my Vogue magazine. Literally. I could smell the insert wafting from the pages. And I loved it.

I still love this perfume. It's my fancy perfume that I wear for special occasions or when I need a little boost to get through the work day. I still have the box. I don't know why, but the cloth Prada label on the box is very cool to me. This is the only perfume I keep in my drawer so it will last longer (light makes the oils break down and can change the fragrance) eventhough I have other perfumes that I like on my dresser. This one is special. Mostly because it's pretty damn expensive. But it's very worth it.

I'm not a perfumer so the scent is hard to describe in a way that would make sense to people familiar with perfume. I call it sophisticated and exotic. The high notes (what you smell right after you put it on) are citrusy and floral. The middle notes (what you smell wafting up from your boobs at work) are deeper. The Amazon description includes scents like bergamont, patchouli, sandalwood and musk. I think that's what the middle notes are. They aren't over powering and are really warm. The low notes (what you smell as you take your shirt off to get in your PJs) are mostly vanilla and little of the musk. It's a great scent all day long.

Of course this is just me and my opinion. You may hate this stuff. So try it out before you buy. Perfume reacts differently with each person and their body chemistry and you may hate what it smells like on you. Before adding this to my Amazon wish list I bought a very small trial bottle. Like microscopic. The thing is an inch long and didn't even have an atomizer. I had to dab it on with my finger like in olden times. But I loved the scent and I still have that tiny bottle. I use it as my travel bottle.

So I heart this perfume.

There is one more thing about this perfume I have to share.

I put this on my Amazon wish list a few years ago and hinted strongly to Josh that a gift of perfume would be nice from him. I actually didn't hint. I told him that his parents were always the ones to buy me girly gifts and he should buy me something girly like jewelry or perfume and that I had added these things to my wish list for him to choose from.

So we opened our Christmas gifts and the perfume was not among it. Darn.

Then we spent Christmas night with Josh's parents and opened gifts from them. And sure enough his Mom and Dad had bought the perfume for me. And that was ok because Josh's Mom was really, really sick with Pancreatic Cancer and that was her last Christmas. She had told me the year before that she enjoyed buying girly gifts for me because Josh was an only child and her mom and the rest of the extended family were practical people so she never got a chance to buy girly gifts until I came along. So her last Christmas she was able to buy me something girly and fun like she couldn't do for the rest of the family. So that's another reason my bottle of Prada is special.

So if you like exotic, sophisticated, warm fragrances or if I tugged on your heart strings just enough there, try Prada for Women. It's a perfume I really enjoy wearing. (And Josh likes it too.)

Even my Stamps are Geeky

2008-10-09T11:49:00.002-04:00

Bearded clams

2008-10-07T13:16:00.003-04:00

No, this isn't about what you think it's about. It's about how you NEED to watch MTV's True Life: I live off The Grid.

Now I thought this episode would be about the survivalist weirdos that scare the crap out of me because they spawned Timothy McVeigh and Ted Kyc...The Unabomber. But no. This episode follows two young people who go to live for 11 months in the woods as part of the Teaching Drum outdoors school. (Or something. I do know it was Teaching Drum. Google it if you're interested.)

So the two people are Derrik and Ginny. Derrik is a self righteous prick who hates himself for living in our society for so long. He explains this as he drives his SUV and smokes a cigarette and drinks a soda. No, really. Derrik is the kind of person that gives tree hugging hippies a bad name. He's soooo much better than you because he doesn't want to drive that SUV or live in a house or do any of those conventional things even though he does do them. But he doesn't want this sham of a life! So the only way to make peace with himself is to go to this outdoor school and learn to be the mountain man he is on the inside.

Ginny is much more tolerable. She actually seems sort of nice. She just graduated from the Art Institute of Chicago and wants to go to woods because she's also a hippie who doesn't like the artificial things of the modern world. She is much more genuine than Derrik, if a little naive about things like chemicals in toothpaste. (Chemicals are bad! Uh, no. Every physical thing on this earth is made up of chemicals. Even the weird organic toothpowder you're using.)

Now I know what you're thinking. Why would I want to waste an hour of my life exposing myself to more people who are generally insufferable?

Because of the clams. The CLAMS!

You'll have to watch to know what i'm talking about (or find it on YouTube or MTV.com) but it is so worth it.

What else is worth it? Checking in with Derrik after he pusses out and leaves Teaching Drum. More comedy gold right there.

So if you have an hour and True Life: I live off The Grid is on watch it. You will not be sorry. You will want to make hot sweaty love to your house, your toilet, your water heater, your refrigerator, and any other stapels of modern life you are partial too. And you will know the secret of the clams.

The CLAMS!

Oh my freaking goodness!

2008-10-07T10:23:00.002-04:00

American Girl is "archiving" Samantha!

Samantha! The one I wanted most of all as a kid! The one who got me into this crazy doll frenzy! The one with the prettiest clothes and accessories! I cannot fucking believe this!

More later, but fuck! FUCK!

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

More bad news for Manda...

2008-10-07T10:04:00.001-04:00

Please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers. It's some fucked up shit right there.

Almost a Goth Kid

2008-10-06T14:42:00.004-04:00

Anyone who knows me (and since only my mom and sister read this thing, they are among them) or those who noticed the post on my skull earrings, knows I have a dark side. A weird side that is interested in so unconventional, dark, morbid, freaky things. I like to say I was almost a goth kid. Almost.

I suppose that's why I love this time of year so much. The changing of summer to fall evokes a certain creepy feeling in me. Like the suddenly cool nights are now suitable for spirits to come out and play. The last few months have just been too hot for them.

I guess this comes from the associations we make with fall and winter. The cold is something that keeps most plants from growing. After the harvest and once the trees loose their leaves the world looks barren and dead. In the past people would gather together to keep warm and the increasing darkness outside seemed more sinister than before.

Strange how we hold onto these ideas century to century and spanning almost every human society. Of course that's what Carl Jung was talking about in his theories on the collective unconscious so if these ideas interest you look into that.

What interests me are things most people are freaked out by. Death in general is a facinating topic to me. I love to read about rituals and superstitions surrounding death and mourning in different cultures. I like to look at Momento Mories and anatomical specimens. The Mutter Museum is in my top five of places I must visit, the sooner the better. In January Josh and I traveled to Charlotte to see Bodyworlds, an exhibit that you couldn't pay some people to go into. I love to vist and photograph historic cemetaries. I even considered having a few pictures taken of me in my wedding gown in the small cemetary of the church we got married in. I still wish I had. My pictures folder on my computer is full of awesome artwork of the Grim Reaper. I have an Autopsy Room sign on my office door at home that I bought at Wal-Mart last Halloween. It stays up all year. I would love to drive a hearse.

I love to read about and see pictures of strange and rare diseases. Epidemics fascinate me. So do poisonous plants. Lots of people like to read about serial killers and i'm no exception. That's actually one of my more mainstream interests. I wouldn't mind seeing an autopsy. I dream of going to Paris to visit the Catacombs. (And the Louvre. Let's be fair.)

Ghosts, spirits and hauntings are so interesting to me that I would love to stay in a haunted hotel or go on a ghost walk. (I've had the opportunity with the latter, but Josh wouldn't go along.) I have many books on ghosts of North Carolina and look for more whenever we visit a new place. Salem is another strange destination that i'm chomping at the bit to visit. So is the Winchester Mansion. If someone were to look at my bookshelf and nothing else in my house they might be a little concerned.

Of course i'm not a Goth kid and never was. I'm a generally happy person. My skull and crossbones earrings sit on my dresser next to my froggy charm bracelet. My books on death, disease and murder are right below my collection of American Girl books and above my books on counted cross stitch. The Autopsy Room is full of American Girl dolls, Simpsons collectables and an Animal Crossing Wild World stand up display.

I suppose this is part of me longing for the past. A time when things were unexplained and life had more mystery to it. When Halloween was when we considered the thin line between life and death and saw that line blurred with each kid dressed as a ghost or the Grim Reaper. When we did consider how easy it is to fall off this mortal coil and treasured our time more because of it. Now Halloween is just an excuse to dress slutty. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.)

Or maybe i'm just different and embrace this dark side of myself in a way others don't. I see it as what makes me the nifty person I am. So many other people either supress it or take it to the extreme. Who else cross stitches kitty Christmas ornaments while watching Secrets of the Mutter Museum for the tenth time on tifaux? Or wears black nail polish on their toes and glittery pink on their fingers? I can't be the only one.

So if you occasionally run across something here that freaks you out or makes you wonder if my blog has been taken over by a 14 year old who's heard too many My Chemical Romance songs don't worry. It's me. I've just mosied over to The Dark Side for a bit.

Product, er, TV Slut: The Venture Brothers

2008-10-06T11:39:00.004-04:00

If you don't watch The Venture Brothers then I have nothing to say to you.

Ok, I will say that you are missing out on some of the finest TV out there. For realz. This show is the best. The animation is amazing, the mixture of fantasy and real life situations is perfect, there are more nuggets of geekdom than you can count with the pop culture references, and damn is it smart.

The third season just wrapped up but Adult Swim has an episode up on their video page most of the time that you can watch for free. The first two seasons are on DVD if you have money to spend (it'll be good for the economy!) or a Netflix subscription.

I don't take my TV lightly. It's one of my geek credentials. I don't do movies, I do TV. Trust me when I tell you this show is worth your time and attention.

Dear Mama...

2008-10-06T11:17:00.003-04:00

One of the few rap songs I like. Makes me sorta misty. sniff...

Funny story, a few months ago I used the money in the mailbox line on Josh and he was shocked that I was quoting Tupac. I love that I can still blow his mind.

The picture says it all.

2008-10-06T10:23:00.003-04:00

This weekend I got to shop for the first time in months. Really shop. For things I like and want and don't just need.

I bought:

The Wall-E comforter i've wanted for months.

A talking Homer Simpson Bosses Day card instead of a more generic one.

A pretty card for my parent's anniversary instead of the cheap ones that aren't as nice.

Those Light potato chips made with Olestra that are more expensive than the ones made with fat that your body absorbs.

A smoke alarm for our bedroom.

A new purse from Nine West (bought at Ross so it was only $24.)

A Nine West tote bag also from Ross that I intend on using when I return to school (also only $24 instead of the MSRP $130).

That Neutrogena Wave thing to exfoliate my chin.

A 20 oz Pepsi at the Wal-Mart checkout for a whopping $1.40.

A ghost cake pan for my yearly Halloween cake.

Finally some socks that have packs in them that you microwave since my toes turn to ice once in awhile and regular socks don't help.

Of course most of this was from Wal-mart and Ross and Ebay so it wasn't too expensive, but it sure felt nice to be able to look all around Wal-mart instead of having to leave before I spent too much money. It was nice not to have to debate how thirsty I was and if I could wait to get home and have a drink rather than buying that overpriced soda. I hadn't been to Ross in months because I knew I would be tempted to spend money we didn't have on deeply discounted Nine West pocketbooks and it was again nice to go and look around and leave with something new. And since deciding that returning to school would be a good idea i've been dying to go and find a stylish new bookbag with a pocket for a laptop but i've stopped myself because we've been so broke.

I can see how money is the root of all evil. It inspires misdeeds throughout all levels of society. Street crime generally goes down when the economy is good. I've seen countless American Justice episodes where murder was committed by your average middle class joe for an insurance policy or because one couldn't fathom losing half of everything in a divorce. And of course the words Enron, WorldCom and Tyco speak for themselves.

So I don't love money. But I do like it. I like having it. I like spending it. I like giving it away. I like paying bills with it. As Tupac once rapped "Even though you sell rocks, it feels good puttin' money in the mailbox". Amen to that.

So i'm a consumer whore. And how.

Dark Shadows

2008-10-04T17:43:00.003-04:00

Sigh.

So I found this awesome blog called The BeautyBrains that discusses various cosmetic products from a scientific standpoint. That's good.

I spent an hour reading all the comments about the Kinoki Foot Pads from people who are too stupid to live and think they actually work. Blood pressure went up and i'm pretty sure I did some permanent damage to my eyes from rolling them so much. That's bad.

Then I realize that maybe they can help me figure out why every single lip balm i've ever used has made my lips feel puckery shortly afterward instead of feeling moisturized so I send them question asking them why this may be happening. That's good.

Then I think, even better, maybe they can tell me if that Hylexin stuff for dark circles under your eyes actually works! Because it probaly doesn't but my eye circles are the bane of my existance and have been for years and i'm willing to try anything plausible to get them to go away. Stupid thin skin under my eyes. So I search for Hylexin. And, no. No it does not. Not for my kind of dark circles anyway. It's more for dark circles that are caused by pigmentation probems, not thin skin that shows the blood vessels under the eye. That's bad.

Damn. Well, at least i'm smart enough to know that Kinoki Foot Pads are a crock. That has to be worth something, right? Right?

Hilarious!

2008-10-03T10:08:00.001-04:00

Hello. I've waited here for you...

2008-10-03T09:42:00.003-04:00

Everlong.

Seven years ago today Josh asked me to be his girlfreind. Then he asked if he could kiss me. The rest is history.

New! Improved! Asking for money!

2008-10-02T14:53:00.002-04:00

No, not for me silly! For the fine organizations linked to on the left. I defy you to not give to St. Judes. Come on! Little kids with cancer! CANCER! And they turn no child away because of inability to pay.

The American Cancer Society needs help finding tests, treatments and cures for cancers like Pancreatic Cancer that killed my mother in law. Cancers that they don't find until it's stage four and game over.

If cancer isn't your thing then try lupus. Josh has lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune disorder where your body attacks it's soft tissues. Tissues like your joints, kidneys, skin, eyes, and brain. It can make a 16 year old walk with a cane. (*cough*Josh*cough*)

Defenders of Wildlife is a great organization and I and my mother both give to them. The ASPCA is also well known and does much good for animals.

Planned parenthood is another great organization and one that does need a lot of help. I am passionate about access to birth control for everyone and non-biased sexual education and Planned Parenthood does both of those things. They have taken a big hit in funding in the last eight years so show them some love.

Finally, if you're a big dorky history geek like me, historic preservation is close to your heart. Of course we can't fix old buildings with wishes and faerie dust so any amount you can share will help the places where history was made stand into the future.

And if you don't like any of these fine, be that way! No really, help your charity of choice. There is a lot of need out there but together we can make things better.

One of my favorite quotes is from Franklin D. Roosevelt:

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.