It's been a loooooooooong ass time...

Since I last posted. Sorry about that. What happened? Well...

It's a weird story. Basically, my father in law (henceforth FIL for those not familiar with the internet shorthand) got remarried. Except he did it in the most ass way possible.

I knew he had been on some dates. But he didn't every really talk about them. If Josh called and he wasn't home, when the call was returned, he said he was hanging out at his friend's house. With no reason to think he was hiding anything I believed him.

Then, last June he called and told Josh he had a girlfriend and had had a girlfriend for about six months. Ok. That was a revalation that was going to take some time to process. So the processing began and the emotions started churning and as anyone who has ever lost a parent or parent in law knows, it's effing hard when the remaining parent moves into the dating stage.

So the processing was going along ok until he called a week, maybe two weeks, later and dropped the bombshell that they were getting married.

Yeah.

So suffice it to say that really, really fucked me up emotionally. I want to be clear here, I had no reservations about his choice of person, I know my FIL is a sensible person and he's not going to marry a jerk or a gold digger or anything like that. I also knew that he would remarry at some point and that is ok. But well, when you hide your dating, then hide your girlfriend then decide to marry her before either of us have ever laid eyes on her, that's fucked up. Really, really fucked up.

We met her shortly thereafter and yes, she was perfectly nice, and yes I do like her quite a bit, but it's taken about a year to stop feeling like he punched me in the gut, kicked Josh in balls, ran over my cats with a steam roller and set fire to my house. I know he didn't mean to hurt me this bad, but well, he did and that takes a while to recover from.

So that really effed me up in the head. I went six months and didn't do a lick of cross stitch. 'Nuff said.

Anyway, i'm back now, and thought I would start up the ol' blog again. There have been other developments, but i'll fill you in on those later. (Spolier alert: NO I am NOT pregnant!)

So I Bought This Skirt...

And i'm not sure how I feel about it.

I got it from Sierra Trading Post so it was cheap. That's good.
I washed it the first time and part of the hem has come undone. That's bad.

It's a polyester/linen blend so I can machine wash it. That's good.
It's more linen than poly so it wrinkles like a mofo. That's bad.

It's a really pretty light yellow. That's good.
It's practically see through so I had to buy a half slip to wear with it. That's bad.

I got my choice of toppings. That's good.
The toppings contain potassium benzoate. That's bad.

Yes, you can go now.

I Know You're Dying to Know...

What I will be watching this summer now that Bridezillas and I are done for real. Now that i've packed up it's things and left them on the porch for them to pick up while i'm at work. Now that i've unfreinded them on Facebook. Now that i've not answered their calls enough for them to stop calling completely. It's time to move on and what's summer without TV? So in no particular order...

Expedition Africa

This isn't my usual TV fare, but I caught part of the first episode and I was hooked. I would like a little more information, like why these particular experts were chosen for this show and why they're trying to recreate Stanley's expedition, and why they're trying to do it in 30 days when it took him nine months, but whatever. Plus you have to love in the opening when an anonymous hand takes a magnifying glass and swirls it over a drawing of Stanley. It's so fast I missed it the first few episodes but I caught it yesterday and rewound to see it again and again. So corny! It cracked my ass up! And the dangers are my kind of dangers, bug bites, parasites, malaria, all things I have a morbid fascination with. So this has taken the place of Bridezillas in my Sunday night 10 pm slot.

16 and Pregnant

I can sum this one up in one word: schadenfreude. I know it's not nice, but well, I feel better knowing that i'm not 16 and pregnant and I don't have a pregnant 16 year old to deal with. Plus, you have to admit there isn't much in life that provides more drama than a teenage pregnancy. Two episodes in I feel a lot of admiration for the first girl profiled, Maci, and a lot of stabbiness for her baby daddy Ryan, and a mix of the two for the second girl Farrah. I'm hooked.

Obsessed

No surprises here right? This is Intervention for Psych majors. And in my case former Psych majors. I love that they are profiling people with different types of OCD, not just people who are washing their hands 50 times a day, I love that the process is explained to the audience, I love the therapists, and I really feel for all the people who are getting help. Well, except for the guy who worked out 10 times a day. He was annoying and didn't really seem to want help. But otherwise I dare you to watch this show and not think "That poor person. Thank goodness they're getting help."

Intervention

Again, no surprises here. I've been watching Intervention for the past year or so and I really do enjoy the show. The past season I think it's gone down hill a little bit. The people profiled have gotten a little less sympathetic, and in this second half of the season the only subjects I found really compelling were the anorexic twins. But whatever, I still love Candy Finnegan, Ken is growing on me and last night was the triumphant return of the incomperable Jeff Van Vonderan. I'll keep watching. I love this show like crazy!

Kendra

File this one under B for Brain Candy. I didn't watch The Girls Next Door regularly, but if there was nothing else on (and there wasn't one rainy night in an Asheboro hotel room) I would watch it. And really, I did enjoy it. Hell, it was the rare reality show that didn't involve people screaming and fighting with each other. They actually got along and seemed to like each other. So now Kendra has found love with a football player and must make a life outside the Playboy Mansion and of course hilarity will ensue. If you want a half hour vaction for your brain watch Kendra. It won't disappoint.

Flipping Out

This show isn't back yet, but it will be and I will watch it. Why? Mostly because i'm not sure about Jeff Lewis and i'm hoping this season will give me enough information to decide if he really is OCD in his personality or if he's just an asshole. Last season I waffled between the two and finally had to throw up my hands and say I Just Don't Know. I guess i'm also somewhat interested in how Jeff's business is doing with the financial crisis, and how Jenny is now that her marriage is over, but mostly I just want another crack at figuring Jeff out. And I want to see Zoila. I love Zoila! Go Zoila! Go Zoila!

The Golden Girls

Yes The Golden Girls. This is a great show! I've probably seen every episode 10 times, but they're still as funny and touching as they were when I watched them as a kid. I actually started watching them again by accident. I was looking for something to watch in the evening instead of Gordon Ramsey's F Word, which I couldn't get into, and Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, which I love, but have seen every episode 50 times. I found The Golden Girls on WE and now i'm hooked all over again.

So there you go. Even though i've moved on from Bridezillas I still have a rich TV gumbo to sup on this summer. Because summer is about being inside, cut off from the world, and not really discovering any thing new.

TV Break Up: Bridezillas

I just can't do it y'all. I can't watch this season of Bridezillas. I watched last season out of desperation and stuck with it until the end but that was it. Last season when the preview would run at the end of the episode I kept hoping that the next week would be the end. I watched about six episodes that I had hoped would be the season finale.

I didn't decide then not to watch this season, but I was pretty annoyed by the show and glad it was over. What bothered me last season more than anything was the overwhelming fakeness of it all. There were just too many people on the show who were obviously acting and acting badly at that. I'm not stupid, I know most "reality" TV is scripted to a certain extent and that producers and editors play with footage to make a compelling story, but this was just sad.

Even sadder was that the commercials for the current season were enough to turn me off this time. The woman throwing flowers and dramatically smashing a cake was so fake I was out right then. I deleted my timer for Bridezillas and have not looked back.

I know it seems silly, but it does make me sad. The first season of Bridezillas was so very good. But after that it became a typical reality show that should have been titled Low Class Bitches and the Pathetic Men Who Marry Them.

So goodbye Bridezillas. And good riddance.

I'm Going to Go Out on a Limb Here and Call it a Comeback.

So a while back I posted rather crypticly about my new meds for my sleep disorder. Well now i'm saying it loud and proud, i've been on Xyrem.



Xyrem is a pretty controversial drug. It's basically GHB. Yes, the date rape drug. I've been taking roofies now for four months. And I feel awesome.



I don't feel awesome on the drug itself. I've been drunk twice in my life and i've never even smoked weed, so not feeling in control of my body is really strange and sort of unpleasant. But the Xyrem puts me into the deep, restful sleep I wasn't getting before and I feel so. Much. Better.



I wake up at a reasonable time in the morning now. I get through my day at work without feeling like i'm in a sleep deprivation experiment going on hour 30. I feel sleepy when I get home from work, and sometimes I lay down to rest, but i'm no longer sleeping 3-4 hours every afternoon. Most of the time I lay down for half an hour or so and get back up since I don't go to sleep and actually feel restless laying in bed. My biggest problem has been figuring out what to do with the afternoons I used to spend asleep.



A few weeks ago I spent my Saturday afternoon in the back yard with my bypass loppers and bow saw and trimmed trees that were long neglected. The Crepe Myrtles and Red Tips look like they grow in a yard of an occupied house now, instead of one that's abandoned. I've ripped down Ivy that was trying to take over a wall of my house. I've transplanted the Hostas that the previous owners foolishly planted in the sun to the shade. The only thing stopping me now is lack of money and the 90 degree heat and opressive humidity that is already here in NC.



The inside of the house is getting better too. I cleaned out my dresser and have actually been folding and putting my clothes away once they're washed. I have five bags of old things to go to Goodwill. I still have a lot to do, but now i'm actually getting some things done instead of letting it sit. Again money seems to be the one thing holding me back on most jobs.

But i'm feeling like myself again. Not like the wrung out rag that has been just getting by for the last couple of years. I'm back. And it feels really, really good.

Le Sigh...But it Leads Me to a Good Point

So last night i'm at a cook out. A cook out where the hot dogs were not coming off the grill as fast as I had hoped. So I was in the kitchen filling up on Scoops and salsa and talking to a couple of people about my Hypersomnia. One person joined us about half way in where I was describing my overwhelming need to sleep. And she goes "Isn't that depression?"

Ok, so aside from the obvious annoyance because no, I saw my psychiatrist the whole time I was on the search for a diagnosis and he re-evaluated me and found my depression to be the same and a real live doctor told me the results of the sleep study that confirmed I have a sleep disorder, this bugged me for another reason.

I've read that Narcolepsy is as common as Parkinson's Disease but that it is terribly underdiagnosed. I can believe that. When I first mentioned Narcolepsy to my primary care doctor as a reason I was so damn sleepy all the time she told me that if I was Narcoleptic I would be nodding off while talking to her. Well, maybe, and maybe not. There isn't a lot of understanding about Hypersomnia and Narcolepsy in the general public and doesn't seem to be much in the general medical community. I was lucky to have a primary care doctor who thought a sleep study was a good idea. But what if I had chalked my sleepiness and lack of interest in things (because I was tired) up to depression? Would a psychiatrist think to consider a sleep disorder if a patient wasn't responding to treatment? I would hope so, but it seems really easy to look at a patient with depression who is sleeping a lot and think that the anti-depressants might me making them more sleepy or not helping and changing the meds ten times until someone gives up or just deals the best they can with the situation.

So what i'm getting at here is if you stumble on this post and you've been seeing a psychiatrist for a while and your depression isn't any better consider that you may have a sleep disorder. You might be surprised at what you find out.

Another Post for Twitter, Which I am Not On.

I'm watching The Abyss. Why the fuck am I watching this movie?!?!?! It is exactly the kind of movie I HATE because i'm a pussy who can't stand suspense! I'm a nervous wreck over here! That's why i'm on the computer. I normally stitch while watching tv but I can't concentrate enough to stitch while watching this! And you know what else, the black lady in this movie. I know i've seen her somewhere before but I can't place it. Oh wait, I have access to IMDB now. Hang on while I look her up.

Ok, she is Kimberly Scott and I remember her from the days a few years ago when I would watch 7th Heaven so I could eviscerate it on the Television Without Pity boards. She was Greta, the sassy social worker. And now I only have 30 minutes left and I can finally say I watched this darn movie. I saw the beginning years ago on tv, but the whole crane crashing and being trrapped under water thing freaked me the fuck out. I'm clausterphobic in situations like that. I can deal with cramped quaters as long as I know I can get out. Otherwise forget about it. In fact to get through the beginning this time I had to keep looking out the window to impress upon myself that I was not in that horrible place.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and mention that i'm torturing myself. You know, for shits and giggles.