I Know You're Dying to Know...

What I will be watching this summer now that Bridezillas and I are done for real. Now that i've packed up it's things and left them on the porch for them to pick up while i'm at work. Now that i've unfreinded them on Facebook. Now that i've not answered their calls enough for them to stop calling completely. It's time to move on and what's summer without TV? So in no particular order...

Expedition Africa

This isn't my usual TV fare, but I caught part of the first episode and I was hooked. I would like a little more information, like why these particular experts were chosen for this show and why they're trying to recreate Stanley's expedition, and why they're trying to do it in 30 days when it took him nine months, but whatever. Plus you have to love in the opening when an anonymous hand takes a magnifying glass and swirls it over a drawing of Stanley. It's so fast I missed it the first few episodes but I caught it yesterday and rewound to see it again and again. So corny! It cracked my ass up! And the dangers are my kind of dangers, bug bites, parasites, malaria, all things I have a morbid fascination with. So this has taken the place of Bridezillas in my Sunday night 10 pm slot.

16 and Pregnant

I can sum this one up in one word: schadenfreude. I know it's not nice, but well, I feel better knowing that i'm not 16 and pregnant and I don't have a pregnant 16 year old to deal with. Plus, you have to admit there isn't much in life that provides more drama than a teenage pregnancy. Two episodes in I feel a lot of admiration for the first girl profiled, Maci, and a lot of stabbiness for her baby daddy Ryan, and a mix of the two for the second girl Farrah. I'm hooked.

Obsessed

No surprises here right? This is Intervention for Psych majors. And in my case former Psych majors. I love that they are profiling people with different types of OCD, not just people who are washing their hands 50 times a day, I love that the process is explained to the audience, I love the therapists, and I really feel for all the people who are getting help. Well, except for the guy who worked out 10 times a day. He was annoying and didn't really seem to want help. But otherwise I dare you to watch this show and not think "That poor person. Thank goodness they're getting help."

Intervention

Again, no surprises here. I've been watching Intervention for the past year or so and I really do enjoy the show. The past season I think it's gone down hill a little bit. The people profiled have gotten a little less sympathetic, and in this second half of the season the only subjects I found really compelling were the anorexic twins. But whatever, I still love Candy Finnegan, Ken is growing on me and last night was the triumphant return of the incomperable Jeff Van Vonderan. I'll keep watching. I love this show like crazy!

Kendra

File this one under B for Brain Candy. I didn't watch The Girls Next Door regularly, but if there was nothing else on (and there wasn't one rainy night in an Asheboro hotel room) I would watch it. And really, I did enjoy it. Hell, it was the rare reality show that didn't involve people screaming and fighting with each other. They actually got along and seemed to like each other. So now Kendra has found love with a football player and must make a life outside the Playboy Mansion and of course hilarity will ensue. If you want a half hour vaction for your brain watch Kendra. It won't disappoint.

Flipping Out

This show isn't back yet, but it will be and I will watch it. Why? Mostly because i'm not sure about Jeff Lewis and i'm hoping this season will give me enough information to decide if he really is OCD in his personality or if he's just an asshole. Last season I waffled between the two and finally had to throw up my hands and say I Just Don't Know. I guess i'm also somewhat interested in how Jeff's business is doing with the financial crisis, and how Jenny is now that her marriage is over, but mostly I just want another crack at figuring Jeff out. And I want to see Zoila. I love Zoila! Go Zoila! Go Zoila!

The Golden Girls

Yes The Golden Girls. This is a great show! I've probably seen every episode 10 times, but they're still as funny and touching as they were when I watched them as a kid. I actually started watching them again by accident. I was looking for something to watch in the evening instead of Gordon Ramsey's F Word, which I couldn't get into, and Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, which I love, but have seen every episode 50 times. I found The Golden Girls on WE and now i'm hooked all over again.

So there you go. Even though i've moved on from Bridezillas I still have a rich TV gumbo to sup on this summer. Because summer is about being inside, cut off from the world, and not really discovering any thing new.

TV Break Up: Bridezillas

I just can't do it y'all. I can't watch this season of Bridezillas. I watched last season out of desperation and stuck with it until the end but that was it. Last season when the preview would run at the end of the episode I kept hoping that the next week would be the end. I watched about six episodes that I had hoped would be the season finale.

I didn't decide then not to watch this season, but I was pretty annoyed by the show and glad it was over. What bothered me last season more than anything was the overwhelming fakeness of it all. There were just too many people on the show who were obviously acting and acting badly at that. I'm not stupid, I know most "reality" TV is scripted to a certain extent and that producers and editors play with footage to make a compelling story, but this was just sad.

Even sadder was that the commercials for the current season were enough to turn me off this time. The woman throwing flowers and dramatically smashing a cake was so fake I was out right then. I deleted my timer for Bridezillas and have not looked back.

I know it seems silly, but it does make me sad. The first season of Bridezillas was so very good. But after that it became a typical reality show that should have been titled Low Class Bitches and the Pathetic Men Who Marry Them.

So goodbye Bridezillas. And good riddance.

Another Post for Twitter, Which I am Not On.

I'm watching The Abyss. Why the fuck am I watching this movie?!?!?! It is exactly the kind of movie I HATE because i'm a pussy who can't stand suspense! I'm a nervous wreck over here! That's why i'm on the computer. I normally stitch while watching tv but I can't concentrate enough to stitch while watching this! And you know what else, the black lady in this movie. I know i've seen her somewhere before but I can't place it. Oh wait, I have access to IMDB now. Hang on while I look her up.

Ok, she is Kimberly Scott and I remember her from the days a few years ago when I would watch 7th Heaven so I could eviscerate it on the Television Without Pity boards. She was Greta, the sassy social worker. And now I only have 30 minutes left and I can finally say I watched this darn movie. I saw the beginning years ago on tv, but the whole crane crashing and being trrapped under water thing freaked me the fuck out. I'm clausterphobic in situations like that. I can deal with cramped quaters as long as I know I can get out. Otherwise forget about it. In fact to get through the beginning this time I had to keep looking out the window to impress upon myself that I was not in that horrible place.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and mention that i'm torturing myself. You know, for shits and giggles.

Blogger Dropped Me. They Said Posts Like "Uh Oh! Polio!" Don't Connect With Today's Youth.

And that's because thankfully polio today is a footnote of history here in the US.

Monday night I met up with an old freind, PBS for a few drinks, some catching up and American Experience: The Polio Crusade. (What? No it isn't cheating! Look, PBS.org is still my main squeeze. But I can have freinds, right? And it was just drinks. Nothing serious. Besides, I hang out with other educational channels all the time and PBS.org is totally cool with that.)

I considered just calling this post Uh oh! Polio! But as funny as it is when it's on an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode, it just isn't after watching this program.

People, I didn't stitch during this. Just think about that. Turn it over in your head. How riveting this must have been to warrant my complete attention at a time when i'm working hard to finish a UFO.

I knew a few things about Polio and the efforts to create a vaccine for it, but I did learn a lot from this program. For one thing I didn't know that The March of Dimes was started for the purpose of treating and preventing Polio. I didn't know that the iron lung was a permanent home for only some victims of the disease. I didn't know that many people spent months or years in one until they could relearn to breathe using their neck muscles. I also didn't know that some people were able to regain the use of their paralyzed limbs. Sometimes, not always.

I was of course gobsmacked by the irony that Sabin was fucking convinced that Salk's dead virus vaccine would kill people when his own live virus vaccine would of course end up with a higher chance of someone actually getting the disease. And I was confused why this simple concept was lost on a brilliant scientist such as himself.

But what sticks with me most are the images. The images man. It's been said many times that one reason parents today are so easily freaked out by minor concerns about reactions to vaccines, and to the completely untrue, disproven, paranoid, autism not-a-link-at-all-you-dumb fucks is because they've never seen a kid suffer with these easily preventable diseases and I think there really is something to that. After seeing all these videos of pitiful children in leg braces and iron lungs, disabled for life at such a young age, I wanted to get the cats vaccinated! You know, just in case.

I think if people today really knew how bad Mumps could be, that Whooping Cough can take months to fully recover from, had seen Timmy across the street in leg braces or an iron lung, or even seen a child buried from an easily preventable disease they would appreciate the modern wonder of vaccines and thank God that we have them. They would be pushing their kids to the front of the line for the shots just like they were when the Polio vaccine was finally available. I certainly was that night and I don't even have children.

So in summation: Polio is bad. This episode of American Experience is good. It's playing on my totally wonderful educational boyfreind PBS.org now and is well worth the hour of your time. Even if you have to tell a little white lie to your educational boyfriend about where you were and with who for that period of time. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Right? RIGHT?

Invasion of the Mooninites

Yes, I charted and stitched this myself. I finished it last year, but still haven't framed it. I've thought about selling the pattern on Etsy, but i'm concerned about copyright issues. Of course from what i've seen of cross stitch patterns on Etsy, i'm the only one who is worried about that sort of thing. But whatever happens the Moonitites have landed and made their intentions clear.

Ruminations on Life Inside a Cult

Yes another TV related post. I watch a lot of TV, what, wanna fight about it? (Speaking of TV related posts, i've been meaning to put another one up on my current brain crack The Real Housewives of Orange County, but damn, there is so much flying around the brain on that one.)



Anyway, yesterday I watched Life Inside a Cult on The National Geographic channel (I refuse to call them Nat Geo, same as I refuse to call The History Channel just History.)



The show focused on the Strong City Cult in New Mexico lead by a man calling himself Michael Travesser (His given name is Wayne Bent) who believes that he is God and predicted the end of the world on October 31st 2007. All members of his cult have given up working in the outside world and all their disability and social security checks as well as current and future inheritance goes to him. He also uses his status as leader of the cult to have sex with women in the cult and lay naked with young girls as a religious experience.



I'll give you a moment to let all that sink in and vomit if neccesary. What am I saying? If.



Ok, now that we've all done the technicolor yawn and gotten a Breathsaver...



Of course the world didn't end on Halloween 2007. The camera crew wasn't allowed in the compound at the supposed moment of whatever was supposed to happen (Travesser was very vague about what was supposed to happen that night, only telling the crew that he would receive a new physical form. His lackey Jeff said that world would be judged, but I don't recall that occuring either.) but they were allowed to stand at the gates to the compound as his followers cheered and danced and shouted freedom. What exactly they were freed from wasn't clear. Afterwards no one would say wether or not he did receive a new form, so we can all figure out the answer to that.

Now I could rant all day about this man and his mind control, his theft of his follower's money, and the criminal acts he's committed with minors, but the last time I started in on that sort of thing it took four klonopin and a tranq dart to bring me down.

No, what i've decided to rant about is what has stuck with me even more all that and made me really sad.

In the opening scene two girls, I would say about 14 to 17 years old are walking and talking about how happy they'll be to go to (what I presume, again, this wasn't made very clear) heaven. Because "they weren't meant to live in this world".

Now throwing out the logic of God wouldn't put you weren't supposed to be, I ask, really?

This is so sad to me. Now i'll be glad to get to heaven too. I'll see my family and freinds who have passed on, and all the kittehs i've loved and lost, and of course be in the presence of Jesus, but that doesn't keep me from living my life here on Earth to it's fullest.

Travesser says later in the program that the outside world is empty. I think it's as empty or as full as you want it to be.

Yes, you can go out into the world and smoke rock, have stupid sex with anyone you meet, marry for money instead of love, spend your life in persuit of material things, and die as empty and worthless as a crushed soda bottle.

Or you could visit an art museum and take in the creativity of your fellow humans. You can sit in a park and watch the squirels and birds and be awed at how they always have enough of what they need. You can go to a library and read books that you'll remember your whole life. (Shameless plug here for A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.) You can climb a lighthouse and think about all the lonely hours the keeper spent up there running the light to keep sailors safe. You can marry someone who is your best freind, who you can't wait to see everyday. You can have a kid, plant a garden, build a house, get a dog.

Of course no discussion of this is complete without me bringing needle work into it. What is empty about making a birth sampler for a freind's baby? Making a quilt? Knitting a sweater?

Or what about people working in hospice care? Or training seeing eye dogs? Or volunteering in a soup kitchen? Or teaching people how to read? You really think their lives are empty?

To me the lives of the people in Strong City seemed empty. They didn't work. I'm sure they did work around the compoud, maybe growing food and cleaning up and such. But in their off time they only seemed to sit and listen to Travesser. When they weren't doing that they were talking about him and what he had said. And of course some time was taken up by the girls and their laying naked time.

I know all this is a moot point. I know that if Travesser was to allow his followers outside the compound or even to think that going into the outside world was desirable then his hold over them would loosen. That it is imperative that they see the world as empty or his sweet life of free money and child abuse is over. I know this.

But it just makes me so fucking sad.

I want to shake these kids. (Fuck the adults, they're a lost cause.) I want to buy them nail polish and makeup, Super Soakers and Playstations. I want to give them a Happy Meal and let them watch Spongebob. I want to make them ride bikes, blow bubbles, go to the movies, and listen to the Jonas Brothers until they wake up and realize that life is great outside the compound. That you don't have to live in a trailer in the desert to be fulfilled. That God isn't a creepy old man who wants you get naked with him. That God put them on this Earth for some reason, that they are supposed to be here, and maybe they should try and figure that reason out instead of sitting around hoping for the end of the world.

As for Travesser, he's the type of person who makes me fervently hope that Hell is real. In the meantime his sweet life of domination and sexual assault has come to an end.

In December 2008, Wayne Bent was convicted of one count of criminal sexual contact of a minor and two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. On Dec 30th he was given the maxium sentence for these crimes, 18 years. However, eight of those years were suspended. (I would really like to know why.) He'll have to serve at least 8 1/2 years before being released.

I've always heard that prison is Hell for child abusers. Again I fervently hope this is true. If not that's ok. Hell is Hell. And I hear it's especially bad on false prophets.

MY EYES! OH GOD MY EYES!

So I was watching the new episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County (Shut up! I know, ok. I know.) last night and I have to ask:

Was it really necessary to show the pasty white flabby ass of George as he got a massage? I mean really people. I nearly lost my dinner. Ugh.

And as Lauri lay face down stretched out getting her massage with her leg hanging out of the sheet, all I could think of was that it looked like she had been murdered. All she needed was some stab wounds.

Is that bad?

It is? Oh well. Don't care. Lauri, we all hate you. We all know you're a gold digger who threw your drug addicted kid under the bus for the latest fat wallet that would agree to marry you. And all that plastic surgery has made you look like a horse after Chernobyl. I'm happy to see you go. Please don't return. You are fucking up my guilty pleasure and giving me nightmares.

Yes that's right. Of all the shows I watch on a regular basis, Most Evil, Deranged, Crime Stories, it's you and your freaky face that haunts my subconscious. Not Richard Ramirez. Not The Vampire of Sacramento. Not Charles Manson. You.

Maybe next week i'll be able to enjoy my brain candy. With you on the show i'm forced to think of your son in jail and how he may not have ended up there if you weren't such a self-centered parent. And your daughter Ashley who can't get a single word of praise or encouragement to pass your deformed silly putty lips. Or you youngest who you say hasn't disapointed you. Yet.

Yes Lauri. Your presence on The Real Housewives of Orange County makes me think too much. And that isn't what this show is about.

TV Breakup: PBS

Oh PBS. You've burned me too many times.

I've tuned in so many times to watch Nova or Frontline only to be disapointed. I blamed it on the election. PBS has to cover the NC Governor debates, right? Of course they do. I forgave you PBS. Many times.

But last night was the last straw. I was excited! Point of View: Inheritance. The daughter of a Nazi officer at Plaszow meets a woman who lived through the hell of the concentration camp and finds out how evil her dad was. This is like porn to me. First person, living witness, history geek porn. I tuned in at 9:00 ready to get my history on.

Winterfest. You were begging for money PBS. And you know, I've thought about donating to you before. But why donate when I don't even watch? Well heck, i'll start watching PBS. And then heartbreak.

So up yours PBS. I'm going out with your hotter, more reliable brother PBS.org. At least he has a lot of shows I want to see online. He won't let me down like you have.

Bearded clams

No, this isn't about what you think it's about. It's about how you NEED to watch MTV's True Life: I live off The Grid.

Now I thought this episode would be about the survivalist weirdos that scare the crap out of me because they spawned Timothy McVeigh and Ted Kyc...The Unabomber. But no. This episode follows two young people who go to live for 11 months in the woods as part of the Teaching Drum outdoors school. (Or something. I do know it was Teaching Drum. Google it if you're interested.)

So the two people are Derrik and Ginny. Derrik is a self righteous prick who hates himself for living in our society for so long. He explains this as he drives his SUV and smokes a cigarette and drinks a soda. No, really. Derrik is the kind of person that gives tree hugging hippies a bad name. He's soooo much better than you because he doesn't want to drive that SUV or live in a house or do any of those conventional things even though he does do them. But he doesn't want this sham of a life! So the only way to make peace with himself is to go to this outdoor school and learn to be the mountain man he is on the inside.

Ginny is much more tolerable. She actually seems sort of nice. She just graduated from the Art Institute of Chicago and wants to go to woods because she's also a hippie who doesn't like the artificial things of the modern world. She is much more genuine than Derrik, if a little naive about things like chemicals in toothpaste. (Chemicals are bad! Uh, no. Every physical thing on this earth is made up of chemicals. Even the weird organic toothpowder you're using.)

Now I know what you're thinking. Why would I want to waste an hour of my life exposing myself to more people who are generally insufferable?

Because of the clams. The CLAMS!

You'll have to watch to know what i'm talking about (or find it on YouTube or MTV.com) but it is so worth it.

What else is worth it? Checking in with Derrik after he pusses out and leaves Teaching Drum. More comedy gold right there.

So if you have an hour and True Life: I live off The Grid is on watch it. You will not be sorry. You will want to make hot sweaty love to your house, your toilet, your water heater, your refrigerator, and any other stapels of modern life you are partial too. And you will know the secret of the clams.

The CLAMS!

Product, er, TV Slut: The Venture Brothers

If you don't watch The Venture Brothers then I have nothing to say to you.

Ok, I will say that you are missing out on some of the finest TV out there. For realz. This show is the best. The animation is amazing, the mixture of fantasy and real life situations is perfect, there are more nuggets of geekdom than you can count with the pop culture references, and damn is it smart.

The third season just wrapped up but Adult Swim has an episode up on their video page most of the time that you can watch for free. The first two seasons are on DVD if you have money to spend (it'll be good for the economy!) or a Netflix subscription.

I don't take my TV lightly. It's one of my geek credentials. I don't do movies, I do TV. Trust me when I tell you this show is worth your time and attention.

Why? Why do I keep watching Monsterquest? WHY?

Oh Monsterquest. You suck so bad. Why do I still record and watch you?

Monsterquest started out promising. I didn't think it should be on the history channel, but neither did Ax Men so what could I do.

I enjoyed the first few episodes, even when they sorta got lame faster than I expected. I mean, Bigfoot, Swamp Ape, Grassman, these are all Bigfoot, ok? If it's ape/man like it's Bigfoot, Sasquatch, etc. Same thing. But for Wednesday night TV it's not bad.

Then the second season took a turn for the lame. Mega Hog? Giant Rats? Some mysterious beast killing things in NC that couldn't possibly be a cougar despite the cougar like way of killing prey and the camera phone photo of a cougar like creature? Because cougars can't pass the cougar forcefield that keeps them where you can expect to find them and out of where you won't expect to find them. Because of the cougar forcefield. Cougar. (And let's not forget the idiots digging up their dogs bones like they could tell someone anything about what killed it.)

And Ghosts? Ghosts aren't mosters. Poltergeists i'll call monsters, but that's a stretch and they weren't even looking for those types of ghosts. Just your average cold feeling, spots on a photo, eerie light on a video tape ghost. Lame.

Then we came to what I thought was the bottom of the barrel. Vampires. Vam. Pires.

Vampires are not monsters. Nor do they exist. The people who call themselves Vampires are regular people who drink blood and somehow "feed" on other's "energy". They aren't really Vampires. Vampires are made up and are not mosters that need to be quested for. Really. If you want to find a vampire go find some goth kids at your local high school or college and if there isn't one there i'm sure they know someone who claims to be a vampire and would love to talk to you about it. No questing required.

Secondly, the history of the Vampire has been covered before in much better shows on the history of the Vampire and people who call themselves Vampires have been covered pretty extensivley on about ten episodes of WE' s Secret Lives of Women.

So I thought that Vampires would be where Monsterquest and I would break up. But I forgot to delete the timer and I wound up recording China's Wildman (hint: Bigfoot.) and Giant Bears.

Giant bears is where I part company with Monsterquest. You guys are dumb and are looking for anything to make a show out of.

The thesis behind this episode was that bears may be evolving and loosing their fear of humans and getting larger and maybe this prehistoric bear is still around. Why? Why do they think this? Becuase people are seeing bears more and some people have shot some bears that are bigger than usual.

Now lets look at this rationaly.

First, the idea that a prehistoric bear could have survived and is now running amok is ludicrous. This is the same theory that's presented for Nessie and to me it makes more sense that a sea lizard could hide in deep water and reproduce and remain hidden for all this time than it does a bear, that is visible and hunted for various reasons and basicly is just too out there to hide.

Second, the fact that some hunters have killed bears that are much larger than average meaning that monster bears have to be out there is crap. My Grandfather's sister was seven feet tall. (No she did not have acromegaly or some other pituitary disease, she was just tall.) Now a seven foot tall woman (without a medical condition) is pretty unusual, but it doesn't mean that she's a whole new species of Amazons that are taking over Durham. It means that in the vast spectrum of human traits she hit the height lottery. Same with these bears. They happen to be larger for what ever reason. Look at my cats. Mary Jane and Stinky are four pounds each. Wally and Jules are 14 and 15 pounds respectively. Zeke is six or seven pounds and thus average. So do I have a new breed of monster housecat on my hands? Monsterquest would probably think so.

Third, the show completely glossed over the encroachment issue. They asked is this encroachment? Or is this a new breed of bear? Well, considering that humans are tearing down animal's habitats and builidng neighborhoods in them more and more this sounds like a textbook case of encroachment. People see bears more near their houses. Bears associate humans with food. Bears loose fright of humans. Duh.

But what really pissed me off with it's outright stupidity was that they kept showing footage and talking to people who had seen bears near their house 45 minutes from Manhattan. As if Manhattan and it's urban glow would scare away any wild animal in a 200 mile radius. But they didn't say mile. Because miles matter. Say this is about 50 miles from Manhattan near a wooded area. Well you're going to see bears. You know why? Because if you drive 45 minutes from any city you'll end up in Bum Fuck Egypt. I live in one of the largest cities in NC and this summer when Josh and I took off for the Outer Banks about 45 minutes out of town we wound up in Bum Fuck. Go 45 minutes out of Charlotte? Bum Fuck. 45 out of Raleigh? Bum Fuck. This holds true all over. Just because you live within an hour drive of a city doesn't mean the bears can't get you.

Further more the bears shown near these areas were black bears. We have them here in NC and I have a healthy fear of them. However, Black Bears generally don't bother people. They are shy and if you make some loud noise they'll run. So seeing a Black Bear in your neighborhood is unnerving, but not a crisis. You've moved into their territory so now deal. Lock up your garbage, bring your dogs in at night, supervise your kids, have the number for animal control ready and be alert if you have to go in the woods. Basicaly, you deal. You deal like every other human who's had to share space with animals since the begining of time.

So this episode was just too stupid and too hard on the bears. The bears are the victims here. We're the ones who move into their territory and then bitch when they get in our trash and then panic like a bunch of wusses when one lumbers through the back yard.

So it's over Monsterquest. You're on hiatus until next summer anyway. Maybe by then you'll have something interesting to talk about, but until then, leave me alone. Don't call, don't email me, take your stuff. This would be a good time to get together with everyone who's ever been on the show and camp out in the northwest and really make a go at finding Bigfoot. Follow your dream. This is how the whole thing started anyway.

And maybe when I run into you in a while you'll have some convincing evidence of an acutal monster. Or at least a bump. The growling eye is so over.

Empty promises.

I promise there is a Bridezillas post coming. There has to be to justify the hours I have wasted watching these crazy ass bitches freak out about their weddings. And the IQ points lost in the process.

As an aside, has this season seemed long to you? I was expecting Carlos and his wife to be the season finale, but damn, it just keeps going.

Dear Shear Genius Writers: Are you HIGH?

It's ok, you can tell me. I'm cool. Hell, i'm so cool i'm watching your crappy summer time reality show and actually caring about it! So you need to come clean now, because I think this week's episode was equal to finding a pipe and some rock in your pants while doing the laundry.

Last week I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I thought, hey, they're experimenting a little, testing boundaries, drinking schnaaps in their freind's basement. Like all kids do. And I always said I wouldn't be one of those viewers who hovers and obsesses. After all you see what that got me with Gilmore Girls. So I watched as you wrote up a crazy color challenge that was pretty lame and then as you had everyone embark on the fool's errand of "updating" the hair styles from Charlie's Angels. That was just dumb. You can't update iconic styles like that. Not so much because they are iconic, but more because they are 100% 70s and 70s things updated just look really, really dumb. I know you've been lead astray by all these fashion magazines the last few years telling you that tie-dye is back and peasant shirts are the rage, but they're wrong. They aren't. And you can't update Charlie's Angels. And using Charlie's Angels since Jaclynn Smith is the host of the show is lazy. Come up with another 70's TV show to attempt a hair update on if you must. But again, I let it slide.

But this week. Well this week was just too bad for me to overlook. What the hell were you thinking with that stupid Food Instead of Styling Products challenge? Were you trying to be "green"? Well you blew that out of the water quick! Did you stop to think how much water and regular non-green shampoo it's going to take these people to get that crap out of their hair? Of course not! And did you think that by connecting the "green" styles to some futuristic, crazy shit that maybe you were painting a bad picture of people who DO want green products? No! And I know some of those items are good for hair. We've all heard about people using mayonaise or avacados to moisturize their hair, but some of that shit was fucked up! Squid? Anchovies? Corn syrup? Caramel? If your intention was to create styles that made the models smell like a sandwich and attract horse flies mission accomplished!

And after those horrendous "styles" you bring out dogs and their owners for some Make them Look Alike crap! And rather than focusing on the humans, who the contestants are trained to work with, you have them give both the owner and the dog a cut and style. It was honestly the dumbest challenge i've seen yet.

And I hope this is as low as it goes. I can't take much more stupidity. I stumbled on this show at the beach when there was nothing on and I didn't have my DVR or DVDs to watch. Keep this up and i'll not watch next season on purpose.

So for next week I hope you put the pipe down and wrote some challenges that focus on HAIR! If not, then I may have to turn you over to the Intervention writers and they'll send you off to rehab faster than you can say Kim Vo!

Wall-E - I can has love?

Wall-E is in fact the sweetest movie i've ever seen. This animated robot showed more personality than 98% of people i've met in real life, and better acting than 99% of actors that are popular now. I cried through out the whole movie because I was so touched at Wall-E's longing for a connection, for another like himself, for someone to hold hands with.

I guess I just empathized with Wall-E. Before Josh I had my life. I had school, work, my kitty Grizzabella. But like Wall-E I wanted something more. Someone to hold hands with. Of course I did find that, but that longing feeling is hard to forget.

So go see Wall-E. It's a wonderful, wonderful movie. But if you've ever been lonely, or sad, or felt like something was missing, get extra napkins with your popcorn. You will need them.

One where I do all the work for you. You're welcome.

Ok, do you all remember the Sealab 2021 epsiode where Marco returns and kills Sharko and at the end he and Debbie sing?

Well considering that the only person who reads my blog is my Mom, I know that the answer is no.

Anyway, the song at the end of the episode has been stuck in my head and I had to read the Sealab forum at TWoP to figure out the song since it's in Portuguese. And I found it.

It's called Aquos de Marco or The Waters of March and is a famous Bossa Nova piece and was voted to be the best Brazilian song ever.

So here's the clip from Sealab, here's the Wikipedia page on the song, and here's the lyrics in both Portuguese and English.

This has been your Music Appreciation lesson for today. Quiz on Friday. And I triple dog dare you to not be singing this song for the rest of the day. (As best you can considering you probably don't speak Portuguese.)

Get out of my head!

This weekend Josh and I went to see Batman: The Dark Knight. If you haven't heard of it, it's a great movie. See if it's playing near you and try and catch it. Anyway, prior to the movie was a trailer for the movie of the Watchmen which featured the Smashing Pumpkins song "The Beginning is the End is the Beginning" which was also on the Batman Forever soundtrack.

Anyway, Josh was always a big SP fan but this was one song he had never ripped from the album, so he promptly bought it from iTunes and has been listening to it non stop for the last two days, and since he has some killer speakers in his den, I've also been listening to it non stop for the last two days. It's a good song, and like the faster but similar song "The End is the Beginning is the End" which was also on the Batman Forever soundtrack.

So here. Share in my, not pain really, but it does get tiring with the same song stuck in your head. And here's the other song too.

As an aside, I am completely intrigued by the Watchmen trailer. Looks good. I like a nice, dark ass story. I was soooo close to being a goth kid it's scary.

Girl Crush: Dana Sculley/Gillian Anderson

Oh, Scully, you are so awesome.

Rebecca Traister has a great article up today about the complete and total awesomeness of Agent Dana Sculley.

Allow me to geek out a bit here.

I still love The X-files. I still think Mulder is so fucking hot he's runner up only to Johnny Depp. I refuse to watch any episode with Agent Doggett. I get pissed when people call Dana "Miss" Sculley. That's either Agent or Doctor to you jerkass!

But most of all I love Sculley and Gillian Anderson.

Agent Sculley is the definition of awesome. She is what girls need to be seeing on TV these days. She was fucking brilliant, funny, hardworking, not a slut, and she wouldn't hesitate to pull her gun on your ass. And with all that she had her soft side that she wasn't ashamed of. Sculley was so real.

Gillian Anderson is still tied with Tori Amos as The Most Beautiful Woman Around. She's not Hollywood hot and that makes her even more special. She hasn't done a lot of stupid paycheck pictures, she hasn't flashed her vag everywhere, she doesn't give stupid interveiws. She's lived her life out of the spotlight and stayed sane because of it. I would love to have coffee with her sometime.

Rock on Gillian. And rock on Sculley. I know you will. Either in real life or on my DVDs, rock on. We need you now more than ever.