Bearded clams

No, this isn't about what you think it's about. It's about how you NEED to watch MTV's True Life: I live off The Grid.

Now I thought this episode would be about the survivalist weirdos that scare the crap out of me because they spawned Timothy McVeigh and Ted Kyc...The Unabomber. But no. This episode follows two young people who go to live for 11 months in the woods as part of the Teaching Drum outdoors school. (Or something. I do know it was Teaching Drum. Google it if you're interested.)

So the two people are Derrik and Ginny. Derrik is a self righteous prick who hates himself for living in our society for so long. He explains this as he drives his SUV and smokes a cigarette and drinks a soda. No, really. Derrik is the kind of person that gives tree hugging hippies a bad name. He's soooo much better than you because he doesn't want to drive that SUV or live in a house or do any of those conventional things even though he does do them. But he doesn't want this sham of a life! So the only way to make peace with himself is to go to this outdoor school and learn to be the mountain man he is on the inside.

Ginny is much more tolerable. She actually seems sort of nice. She just graduated from the Art Institute of Chicago and wants to go to woods because she's also a hippie who doesn't like the artificial things of the modern world. She is much more genuine than Derrik, if a little naive about things like chemicals in toothpaste. (Chemicals are bad! Uh, no. Every physical thing on this earth is made up of chemicals. Even the weird organic toothpowder you're using.)

Now I know what you're thinking. Why would I want to waste an hour of my life exposing myself to more people who are generally insufferable?

Because of the clams. The CLAMS!

You'll have to watch to know what i'm talking about (or find it on YouTube or MTV.com) but it is so worth it.

What else is worth it? Checking in with Derrik after he pusses out and leaves Teaching Drum. More comedy gold right there.

So if you have an hour and True Life: I live off The Grid is on watch it. You will not be sorry. You will want to make hot sweaty love to your house, your toilet, your water heater, your refrigerator, and any other stapels of modern life you are partial too. And you will know the secret of the clams.

The CLAMS!