Monday, September 25, 2006

The rules of engagement

A few things i'd like to remind everyone of:

1. DO NOT write a person in on your response card. If you cannot be away from this person for an evening at least call the person issuing the invitation and ASK if they may be able to squeeze them in. And be prepared for a no.

2. The person who stuffed those 100 envelopes took the time and money to stamp your response card. Send it in. Through the mail. Don't bring it by the house. We can't steam off the stamps with the space age adhesive the postal service uses these days, so just give us the satisfaction of seeing them canceled.

3. If you loose the response card draw a line down a 4x6 index card put a postcard stamp on it and mail it in. If that is just too hard, call and let them know. Don't wait until they are calling you the day before the headcount deadline to say you are/are not coming.

4. Send in the card even if "they know we're coming". Yes, but that's how we figure out how many people we need food for.

Anyone see a theme in these gripes?

And finally,

5. Please refrain from talking about a recently deceased person at a bridal shower. Especially if the Bride to Be was sobbing the loudest at the funeral. Don't say things like "You remind me so much of Judy" or "Judy took her dying better than anyone" or "She had such a peace about it" or "Well we know that cancer doesn't look at your age". These things will make her cry. Hard. And when her fiance finds out it will infuriate him. Then next thing you know you are in your front yard at midnight with a shoe up your ass wondering what you did to piss off this guy who bears a striking resemblence to Weird Al back when he had the beard and glasses. If you are desperate to talk about something ask her about the details of the wedding. And if you can't do that SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!!!

People these things are common sense and common decency. I shouldn't have to implore you to do these things via a blog that's only read by my mom and my sister, because come on.

(At left, even Grover is embarassed for you! I love you Grover!)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Don't make me cut you.

I'll cut ya. I'll cut you up so bad you won't believe how bad I cut you up!

As you can probably tell, i'm a little furious. Why? Someome wrote in a guest on their response card.

Yes, it is a big deal. It is a big fucking deal.

People of earth, this is not some pay for your own plate get together at Applebees. This is a very expensive and painstakingly planned event. You CAN NOT go inviting people yourself. Did I write their name on the envelope? Then they aren't invited. And if you can't be away from them for one evening, you need therapy.

Hopefully this will be taken care of tomorrow and without bloodshed. Because i'm not budging on this ever. And I will not dig deeper for someone I don't know from Adam and reinforce their rudeness. I have too much of my mother in me to lay down and take some rude ass mother fucking bullshit like this.