Thursday, October 30, 2008

So, about that tire...

I left work last week with my nearly flat tire, drove very carefully to the car place down the road from our house and pulled in. I explained my problem and the nice man looked over my tire as I backed up slowly and declared that it didn't have a nail or other object in it so all he could do was put air in it. Fine. After getting some FREE air I went home and took a nap.

A few days later (Sunday to be exact) I noticed the tire was low again. I planned to leave work Monday and go to the place that Only Does Tires (and rims, and inspections and oil changes, but they have Tire in their name, so that's like their specialty) and have them look at it. Josh's theory of tire leakage was that the stem needed replacing and that is where the leak was coming from.

I tried on Monday to get to the Only Does Tires place and failed due to a terrible traffice jam that frustrated me so bad that I gave up and returned to my office to wait for Josh. (Our work schedules are weird. Three days a week he's here but works later than me, the other two days he's at the community college and also works later than me, but is home for a short period during the day. He also teaches two night classes. So yeah. Effed up schedules.)

Tuesday I tried again taking a different route to avoid any traffic and actually made it to the tire place. I dropped off my keys and sat down in the waiting area with the only decent magazine in the place, a Time from mid-September. And as lame as this was I was just happy that the waiting room TV wasn't tuned in to Fox News. (Really, what is up with that? I can't go in a waiting room these days without a fucking TV blaring and it's always, always set to Fox News. How about something neutral like Animal Planet, or The Weather Channel? I know i'm in NC but fuck, we aren't all right wing maniacs. And some people are annoyed and depressed by the news and don't appreciate having to hear/watch it while waiting to find out the results of your colonoscopy. Or here's an idea, how about no TV in the waiting room? How about we all just look through old magazines or read the book we brought or play Tetris like we all used to do before someone decided to start sticking flat screens every damn where! Jeez! Can I please wait to see a doctor/dentist/vet/mechanic/or shop at Wal-Mart without some flickering box hanging around? )


The TV in the waiting area was small and was running a looping DVD about car maintenace so it was easily ignored and kinda quaint and charming given the other waiting rooms i've been in recently (see above rant). So I settled in to read about the financial crisis and the election as it was a month ago.

And then this college girl came in. And of course she was on her cell phone.

Now I like my cell phone. It's convient and the long distance is cheap as hell. But I also like not being an asshole. So as a general rule I don't have conversations on my phone in public. And conversations I do have in public I keep short, quiet and discreet. I don't answer my phone when i'm with someone else unless it's probably an emergency and then I excuse myself first. I basically try not to act like a boar. Or like the girl who joined me in the waiting area of the tire place on Tuesday.

First of all she called everyone she knew and told them about how she failed her inspection at Jiffy Lube then had to come here to get stuff fixed that Jiffy Lube couldn't fix and planned to go back to Jiffy Lube to have them re-inspect her car. She also asked everyone she talked to about their plans for Halloween and if they wanted to tailgate with them on Saturday. (Two constants in a college town: tailgating and a big Halloween celebration.)

Now this was annoying enough, but then she called someone else and after the Jiffy Lube Inspection Drama Story and the Halloween/Tailgating plan making she apprently learned that the person she was talking to had a convesation with Mary mother of Jesus because the rest of the conversation went like this:

"What did she say?

"Tell me!"

"Tell me!"

"Come on, tell me!"

"Tell me!"

"Tell me!"

And it went on like that! Over and over she begged this person to share the secret of the fucking universe with her. At least it had better have been the secret of the universe as annoying as she was about hearing it.

Just as I was about to snap and stuff her head first into the soda machine I saw a man come back in with my keys.

I jumped up and half-ran to the counter anxious to get the fuck away from this idiot and her cell phone.

As I was paying the man I asked what was wrong with my tire. (Remember the tire? The whole thing that started this?)

"It had a nail in it."

And that's when my brain turned to toothpaste and leaked out of my ears.

The end.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Victory is Mine!

I win! I win! I win!

I don't loose, I win!

First place at the fair!

Victory screach!


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Mini Manners 101: Can you say Thank you? Apparently not!

Ok people. This is first grade stuff. I don't know how your Mama raised you, but MY Mom raised me to say Thank You!

Let me back up.

I work in a renovated building on campus. I don't know what this building was like before the renovation, but I know that now it's a labrynith of halls, elevators that only go to two out of three floors and no helpful sinage AT ALL. Seriously. We have signs for what offices are down what hall, but no idea what department or organization those offices belong to.

So at least once a day someone stops by my office and asks how to get to so and so's office, the financial aid office, the advising center, etc. I tell them how to get where they're going and I resist the urge to charge a dollar for my services. (If I did this I would be well on my way to paying off a credit card right now.) And often the lost person will say thank you. Even if they aren't quite sure about my directions they say thanks.

But not the girl who came by today. She was lost, and I told her how to get where she was going. She seemed confused. I repeated my directions in my happy cheerful helpful secretary voice which I always use with strangers I encounter at work. She continued to look confused and just walked off.

Uh, you're welcome?

Now i'm not trying to be an asshole. But i'm not paid to give directions. It's something I do because i'm nice enough to help out if asked or if I see someone wandering around looking lost. I don't like reciting my How To Get To Financial Aid speech five times a day. Especially when I have to do it because the dumb fucks who renovated this place stopped caring when it came time to order signs. But I still do it. I do my best, and to my knowledge the people I direct get where they're going so is a Thanks too much to ask before you walk off? After all, you did interupt my work day, and sometimes i've been interupted while doing actual work, but with a smile I still told you how to find your advisor's office so squeak out a Thanks you miserable clod!

Thanks. Thank you. Not hard. Not hard at all people.

I won't even start on the topic of thank you notes. I will say that I went to two weddings last fall and over a year later have not seen a note from either couple and this makes me kinda pissed. Especially since one of those gifts was one that was hand made by me. But i'll stop.

So keep in mind as you go through life that you are owed very little. And when someone does do you a favor, no matter how small, you owe them a thanks. And if you skip this little courtesy then I hope that someday you end up in a glorified cube with a person talking to themselves on one side, a person using their speaker phone on the other and a rude git in your doorway wanting to know how to get somewhere just as you were about to leave for that off site three martini lunch you need really, really badly.

Not that i'm holding a grudge or anything.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Population Tire

The tire was checked out and didn't have a nail in it (this time). So the nice man filled it up with air and sent me on my way. So problem solved I guess. Unless it deflates again.

Two years

Josh and I celebrated our second anniversary the same way we celebrate most things. With dinner, drinks, gifts and then TV.

We exchanged gifts once Josh got home. His was still in the Amazon box, mine still in the padded Nature's Jewelry envelope. He liked his books and graphic novels. I liked my earrings, but was disapointed that my bracelet was backordered.

We went to Outback and had some mixed drinks, a fried onion and steak. My steak was square. I don't know why, but it was a square sirloin. It was also rarer than I would have liked, but not bad.

We went to Walgreens so Josh could buy me a card. (A repeat from last year when we did the same thing after leaving Red Lobster.)

We exchaged cards then spent the rest of the night watching Married With Children repeats he had recorded from TBS.

All in all a nice anniversary.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Oh yeah, BTW

Today is my second wedding anniversary. So let's try and get lovey dovey up in here.

One of Those Days Already

It began by Josh leaving this morning and not turning on the heat like I asked him too. And then I slept through my alarm and ended up getting up late, eating late and leaving late. Then as I sat at the light half way to work the guy in the truck next to me caught my eye. He was telling me that my back right tire was just about flat.


So I pulled into the gas station across the intersection. Air was $0.75 quaters only. (Remember when air was free? Or like a single quater? And remember the cents symbol? I miss that thing. It's easier than typing the dollar sign, zero, period then the amount of cents.) I had about $0.45 in nickles and dimes. So I went into the store to buy the Pepsi I was planning on buying at work anyway, getting cash back from the debit card, a dollar of that in quaters to feed the air moe sheen. But unlike every single debit card accepting establishment on Earth I could not get cash back at this gas station with the purchase of my Pepsi.


So I went back out to the car and weighed my options. Option One: Continue on to work and use the six hours there to come up with a plan. Option Two: Make three quaters somehow appear out of thin air, use the air moe sheen, proceed to work. I was stuck with Option One.

So I went on my merry way to work. Late, driving extra careful because of the near flat, and pretty annoyed at this turn of events. I'm also still coughing like a MoFo despite having finished my medicine and this coughing is being aggravated by the random junk that has accumulated on our heat pump's heating elements over the summer. So I can be cold and not cough as much, or I can be warm and cough my ass off.

And I just realized that since I was in a gas station and not on campus I could have purchased my preferred Coke instead of a Pepsi, but my brain was too scattered to realize this and now I have a too sweet for me without ice Pepsi to drink instead of a not so sweet on it's own Coke.

And it's only 10 am.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I rly are sick.

You know how on just about every TV show and movie ever made that involves a woman in labor she looks to the man who knocked her up and screams "You did this to me!"? Yeah, I did that this morning. Only instead of screaming I sort of croaked it out through the swollen, mucus covered thing that was once my throat.

Yes, one bad thing about being married (or to be fair, cohabitating) is that you pass germs around like a fat joint. Or a jug of wine. Whichever. It seems that having a sick person breathe on you for eight hours as you share the same bed isn't the best way to prevent getting their cold.

So here I am sick and going to get sicker as Josh gets better. It never fails that once he starts to improve I start to come down with what he had.

My most fervent hope now is that this will give me some immunity or resistance to the various viruses that will be floating around campus for the next four or five months. No wait. My most fervent hope is that this will give Josh immunity or resistance to the viruses that his students will be carrying around for the next four or five months. Why? Because Josh is possibly the most annoying person on earth when he's sick. As much as I love him, when he gets the sniffles he acts like he's being disemboweled and I have a very short fuse for that sort of thing. So for his safety and my sanity I really hope this is the only illness that visits us this Fall/Winter.

On the up side of things, my very large American Girl order placed during the Samantha Panic of '08 is due to be delivered today. I should be excited, but mostly i'm still pretty pissed about the whole "archiving" thing. I still intend to post a rant about it, but i'm trying to come up with something that doesn't involve 90% swearing, threats of violence or references to flaming bags of dog poo.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Onward, Upward and Always Twirling, Twirling, Twirling Towards Freedom!

Well, I finally did it. I stumped Dr. Studwell. I broke his brain.

Wednesday I went in for my follow up to see how the Vyvanse was working. The answer is not very well. I've had some improvement in my wakefullness at work, but not enough to justify how high my heart rate was.

So to see if any thing was interfering with the meds blood was drawn and checked for thyroid problems, kidney and liver function, a complete blood count and glucose level.

Normal. All of it normal.

So from here he's sending me to a nuerologist. I see them on Wednesday. I'm a little concerned that i'm effed up enough to need a nuerologist, but i'm also hopeful that he will finally be able to help me.

So onward, upward, past the next star and straight on til morning.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Product Slut: Prada for Women

I first got wind of Prada for Women from my Vogue magazine. Literally. I could smell the insert wafting from the pages. And I loved it.

I still love this perfume. It's my fancy perfume that I wear for special occasions or when I need a little boost to get through the work day. I still have the box. I don't know why, but the cloth Prada label on the box is very cool to me. This is the only perfume I keep in my drawer so it will last longer (light makes the oils break down and can change the fragrance) eventhough I have other perfumes that I like on my dresser. This one is special. Mostly because it's pretty damn expensive. But it's very worth it.

I'm not a perfumer so the scent is hard to describe in a way that would make sense to people familiar with perfume. I call it sophisticated and exotic. The high notes (what you smell right after you put it on) are citrusy and floral. The middle notes (what you smell wafting up from your boobs at work) are deeper. The Amazon description includes scents like bergamont, patchouli, sandalwood and musk. I think that's what the middle notes are. They aren't over powering and are really warm. The low notes (what you smell as you take your shirt off to get in your PJs) are mostly vanilla and little of the musk. It's a great scent all day long.

Of course this is just me and my opinion. You may hate this stuff. So try it out before you buy. Perfume reacts differently with each person and their body chemistry and you may hate what it smells like on you. Before adding this to my Amazon wish list I bought a very small trial bottle. Like microscopic. The thing is an inch long and didn't even have an atomizer. I had to dab it on with my finger like in olden times. But I loved the scent and I still have that tiny bottle. I use it as my travel bottle.

So I heart this perfume.

There is one more thing about this perfume I have to share.

I put this on my Amazon wish list a few years ago and hinted strongly to Josh that a gift of perfume would be nice from him. I actually didn't hint. I told him that his parents were always the ones to buy me girly gifts and he should buy me something girly like jewelry or perfume and that I had added these things to my wish list for him to choose from.

So we opened our Christmas gifts and the perfume was not among it. Darn.

Then we spent Christmas night with Josh's parents and opened gifts from them. And sure enough his Mom and Dad had bought the perfume for me. And that was ok because Josh's Mom was really, really sick with Pancreatic Cancer and that was her last Christmas. She had told me the year before that she enjoyed buying girly gifts for me because Josh was an only child and her mom and the rest of the extended family were practical people so she never got a chance to buy girly gifts until I came along. So her last Christmas she was able to buy me something girly and fun like she couldn't do for the rest of the family. So that's another reason my bottle of Prada is special.

So if you like exotic, sophisticated, warm fragrances or if I tugged on your heart strings just enough there, try Prada for Women. It's a perfume I really enjoy wearing. (And Josh likes it too.)

Even my Stamps are Geeky

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Bearded clams

No, this isn't about what you think it's about. It's about how you NEED to watch MTV's True Life: I live off The Grid.

Now I thought this episode would be about the survivalist weirdos that scare the crap out of me because they spawned Timothy McVeigh and Ted Kyc...The Unabomber. But no. This episode follows two young people who go to live for 11 months in the woods as part of the Teaching Drum outdoors school. (Or something. I do know it was Teaching Drum. Google it if you're interested.)

So the two people are Derrik and Ginny. Derrik is a self righteous prick who hates himself for living in our society for so long. He explains this as he drives his SUV and smokes a cigarette and drinks a soda. No, really. Derrik is the kind of person that gives tree hugging hippies a bad name. He's soooo much better than you because he doesn't want to drive that SUV or live in a house or do any of those conventional things even though he does do them. But he doesn't want this sham of a life! So the only way to make peace with himself is to go to this outdoor school and learn to be the mountain man he is on the inside.

Ginny is much more tolerable. She actually seems sort of nice. She just graduated from the Art Institute of Chicago and wants to go to woods because she's also a hippie who doesn't like the artificial things of the modern world. She is much more genuine than Derrik, if a little naive about things like chemicals in toothpaste. (Chemicals are bad! Uh, no. Every physical thing on this earth is made up of chemicals. Even the weird organic toothpowder you're using.)

Now I know what you're thinking. Why would I want to waste an hour of my life exposing myself to more people who are generally insufferable?

Because of the clams. The CLAMS!

You'll have to watch to know what i'm talking about (or find it on YouTube or but it is so worth it.

What else is worth it? Checking in with Derrik after he pusses out and leaves Teaching Drum. More comedy gold right there.

So if you have an hour and True Life: I live off The Grid is on watch it. You will not be sorry. You will want to make hot sweaty love to your house, your toilet, your water heater, your refrigerator, and any other stapels of modern life you are partial too. And you will know the secret of the clams.


Oh my freaking goodness!

American Girl is "archiving" Samantha!

Samantha! The one I wanted most of all as a kid! The one who got me into this crazy doll frenzy! The one with the prettiest clothes and accessories! I cannot fucking believe this!

More later, but fuck! FUCK!


More bad news for Manda...

Please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers. It's some fucked up shit right there.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Almost a Goth Kid

Anyone who knows me (and since only my mom and sister read this thing, they are among them) or those who noticed the post on my skull earrings, knows I have a dark side. A weird side that is interested in so unconventional, dark, morbid, freaky things. I like to say I was almost a goth kid. Almost.

I suppose that's why I love this time of year so much. The changing of summer to fall evokes a certain creepy feeling in me. Like the suddenly cool nights are now suitable for spirits to come out and play. The last few months have just been too hot for them.

I guess this comes from the associations we make with fall and winter. The cold is something that keeps most plants from growing. After the harvest and once the trees loose their leaves the world looks barren and dead. In the past people would gather together to keep warm and the increasing darkness outside seemed more sinister than before.

Strange how we hold onto these ideas century to century and spanning almost every human society. Of course that's what Carl Jung was talking about in his theories on the collective unconscious so if these ideas interest you look into that.

What interests me are things most people are freaked out by. Death in general is a facinating topic to me. I love to read about rituals and superstitions surrounding death and mourning in different cultures. I like to look at Momento Mories and anatomical specimens. The Mutter Museum is in my top five of places I must visit, the sooner the better. In January Josh and I traveled to Charlotte to see Bodyworlds, an exhibit that you couldn't pay some people to go into. I love to vist and photograph historic cemetaries. I even considered having a few pictures taken of me in my wedding gown in the small cemetary of the church we got married in. I still wish I had. My pictures folder on my computer is full of awesome artwork of the Grim Reaper. I have an Autopsy Room sign on my office door at home that I bought at Wal-Mart last Halloween. It stays up all year. I would love to drive a hearse.

I love to read about and see pictures of strange and rare diseases. Epidemics fascinate me. So do poisonous plants. Lots of people like to read about serial killers and i'm no exception. That's actually one of my more mainstream interests. I wouldn't mind seeing an autopsy. I dream of going to Paris to visit the Catacombs. (And the Louvre. Let's be fair.)

Ghosts, spirits and hauntings are so interesting to me that I would love to stay in a haunted hotel or go on a ghost walk. (I've had the opportunity with the latter, but Josh wouldn't go along.) I have many books on ghosts of North Carolina and look for more whenever we visit a new place. Salem is another strange destination that i'm chomping at the bit to visit. So is the Winchester Mansion. If someone were to look at my bookshelf and nothing else in my house they might be a little concerned.

Of course i'm not a Goth kid and never was. I'm a generally happy person. My skull and crossbones earrings sit on my dresser next to my froggy charm bracelet. My books on death, disease and murder are right below my collection of American Girl books and above my books on counted cross stitch. The Autopsy Room is full of American Girl dolls, Simpsons collectables and an Animal Crossing Wild World stand up display.

I suppose this is part of me longing for the past. A time when things were unexplained and life had more mystery to it. When Halloween was when we considered the thin line between life and death and saw that line blurred with each kid dressed as a ghost or the Grim Reaper. When we did consider how easy it is to fall off this mortal coil and treasured our time more because of it. Now Halloween is just an excuse to dress slutty. (Not that there is anything wrong with that.)

Or maybe i'm just different and embrace this dark side of myself in a way others don't. I see it as what makes me the nifty person I am. So many other people either supress it or take it to the extreme. Who else cross stitches kitty Christmas ornaments while watching Secrets of the Mutter Museum for the tenth time on tifaux? Or wears black nail polish on their toes and glittery pink on their fingers? I can't be the only one.

So if you occasionally run across something here that freaks you out or makes you wonder if my blog has been taken over by a 14 year old who's heard too many My Chemical Romance songs don't worry. It's me. I've just mosied over to The Dark Side for a bit.

Product, er, TV Slut: The Venture Brothers

If you don't watch The Venture Brothers then I have nothing to say to you.

Ok, I will say that you are missing out on some of the finest TV out there. For realz. This show is the best. The animation is amazing, the mixture of fantasy and real life situations is perfect, there are more nuggets of geekdom than you can count with the pop culture references, and damn is it smart.

The third season just wrapped up but Adult Swim has an episode up on their video page most of the time that you can watch for free. The first two seasons are on DVD if you have money to spend (it'll be good for the economy!) or a Netflix subscription.

I don't take my TV lightly. It's one of my geek credentials. I don't do movies, I do TV. Trust me when I tell you this show is worth your time and attention.

Dear Mama...

One of the few rap songs I like. Makes me sorta misty. sniff...

Funny story, a few months ago I used the money in the mailbox line on Josh and he was shocked that I was quoting Tupac. I love that I can still blow his mind.

The picture says it all.

This weekend I got to shop for the first time in months. Really shop. For things I like and want and don't just need.

I bought:

The Wall-E comforter i've wanted for months.

A talking Homer Simpson Bosses Day card instead of a more generic one.

A pretty card for my parent's anniversary instead of the cheap ones that aren't as nice.

Those Light potato chips made with Olestra that are more expensive than the ones made with fat that your body absorbs.

A smoke alarm for our bedroom.

A new purse from Nine West (bought at Ross so it was only $24.)

A Nine West tote bag also from Ross that I intend on using when I return to school (also only $24 instead of the MSRP $130).

That Neutrogena Wave thing to exfoliate my chin.

A 20 oz Pepsi at the Wal-Mart checkout for a whopping $1.40.

A ghost cake pan for my yearly Halloween cake.

Finally some socks that have packs in them that you microwave since my toes turn to ice once in awhile and regular socks don't help.

Of course most of this was from Wal-mart and Ross and Ebay so it wasn't too expensive, but it sure felt nice to be able to look all around Wal-mart instead of having to leave before I spent too much money. It was nice not to have to debate how thirsty I was and if I could wait to get home and have a drink rather than buying that overpriced soda. I hadn't been to Ross in months because I knew I would be tempted to spend money we didn't have on deeply discounted Nine West pocketbooks and it was again nice to go and look around and leave with something new. And since deciding that returning to school would be a good idea i've been dying to go and find a stylish new bookbag with a pocket for a laptop but i've stopped myself because we've been so broke.

I can see how money is the root of all evil. It inspires misdeeds throughout all levels of society. Street crime generally goes down when the economy is good. I've seen countless American Justice episodes where murder was committed by your average middle class joe for an insurance policy or because one couldn't fathom losing half of everything in a divorce. And of course the words Enron, WorldCom and Tyco speak for themselves.

So I don't love money. But I do like it. I like having it. I like spending it. I like giving it away. I like paying bills with it. As Tupac once rapped "Even though you sell rocks, it feels good puttin' money in the mailbox". Amen to that.

So i'm a consumer whore. And how.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Dark Shadows


So I found this awesome blog called The BeautyBrains that discusses various cosmetic products from a scientific standpoint. That's good.

I spent an hour reading all the comments about the Kinoki Foot Pads from people who are too stupid to live and think they actually work. Blood pressure went up and i'm pretty sure I did some permanent damage to my eyes from rolling them so much. That's bad.

Then I realize that maybe they can help me figure out why every single lip balm i've ever used has made my lips feel puckery shortly afterward instead of feeling moisturized so I send them question asking them why this may be happening. That's good.

Then I think, even better, maybe they can tell me if that Hylexin stuff for dark circles under your eyes actually works! Because it probaly doesn't but my eye circles are the bane of my existance and have been for years and i'm willing to try anything plausible to get them to go away. Stupid thin skin under my eyes. So I search for Hylexin. And, no. No it does not. Not for my kind of dark circles anyway. It's more for dark circles that are caused by pigmentation probems, not thin skin that shows the blood vessels under the eye. That's bad.

Damn. Well, at least i'm smart enough to know that Kinoki Foot Pads are a crock. That has to be worth something, right? Right?

Friday, October 03, 2008


Hello. I've waited here for you...


Seven years ago today Josh asked me to be his girlfreind. Then he asked if he could kiss me. The rest is history.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

New! Improved! Asking for money!

No, not for me silly! For the fine organizations linked to on the left. I defy you to not give to St. Judes. Come on! Little kids with cancer! CANCER! And they turn no child away because of inability to pay.

The American Cancer Society needs help finding tests, treatments and cures for cancers like Pancreatic Cancer that killed my mother in law. Cancers that they don't find until it's stage four and game over.

If cancer isn't your thing then try lupus. Josh has lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune disorder where your body attacks it's soft tissues. Tissues like your joints, kidneys, skin, eyes, and brain. It can make a 16 year old walk with a cane. (*cough*Josh*cough*)

Defenders of Wildlife is a great organization and I and my mother both give to them. The ASPCA is also well known and does much good for animals.

Planned parenthood is another great organization and one that does need a lot of help. I am passionate about access to birth control for everyone and non-biased sexual education and Planned Parenthood does both of those things. They have taken a big hit in funding in the last eight years so show them some love.

Finally, if you're a big dorky history geek like me, historic preservation is close to your heart. Of course we can't fix old buildings with wishes and faerie dust so any amount you can share will help the places where history was made stand into the future.

And if you don't like any of these fine, be that way! No really, help your charity of choice. There is a lot of need out there but together we can make things better.

One of my favorite quotes is from Franklin D. Roosevelt:

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

I must have him!

But then I couldn't eat him! He's too cute! Damn you Swiss Colony! Why do you torture me with your adorable confections?!

I'd have to eat him like Homer eating Pinchy.

Cry, sob "Oh Pinchy!" Cry, eat forkful of tail meat. "It's so tender!" Cry, sob...

Why I love Josh. Part One in a series.

Let me begin this post by saying that I love nature. I also respect nature. I want nature to be preserved since it's the only one we have.

I also love bears and cougars. They are beautiful, majestic animals. I feel sad when I hear of one that has been killed. I feel very sad when I think of how their habitat is being torn down to build more subdivisions and shopping malls. When I hear of someone who has been attacked by one of these animals I feel bad for both of them because that person has a long road to recovery and the animal is likely to be hunted down and killed for doing what God programmed him to do which is hunt for food. Seeing these creatures on TV, in photographs and at the Asheboro Zoo is awesome. As in fills me with awe at the mere fact of them. Yea for bears! Yea for cougars!

Now, with that being said, I also have absolutely no desire to ever encounter one these creatures outside of a zoo setting. Watching Grizzly Man gave me the creeps during certain scenes where I felt way too close to the bears. The thought of a cougar lurking outside my house freaks me the fuck out. I do not belong anywhere near these animals in their natural habitat.

So that brings me to why I love Josh Part One.

The man has absolutely no desire to go camping.

None. Praise Jesus, no desire to go into the woods, into the bear and cougar's living room, sleep on the ground, pee in the woods, cook over a fire, none of that.

Now, i'm not a priss whose idea of camping is a hotel with no pool. I could go camping in a camper or RV that is parked in an area for those type of vehicles close to the woods. I mean a real camper or RV, not one of those where the beds fold out of the sides and you're covered by bug net. The bears can get you through that. And I have to be near other people who can hear me scream and come help if a bear decideds to try and get into the camper. I'm also not parking in the middle of no where because that's when the serial killers come and kill you and no one finds you for months or years.

So I would camp under certain conditions, but that is unlikely to ever happen. Because Josh, my love, my sweetie, my sweet potato pie, has no desire to camp.

Now why is this such a big deal? I've noticed in my 28 years that people who do camp are pretty strident about it. Because if you don't camp you're weak and shallow and all that crap. Because it's not ok to have different ideas of fun. Because you can't commune with nature at the beach apparently. Or by visiting a national park. No, only by sleeping there and peeing in the woods can you truely be one with nature and if you disagree then you just aren't right for each other. Just look at Nick and Jessica.

(Side rant: Jessica Simpson was raked over the coals for carrying her purse camping. Well fuck you. My purse has my wallet, my pocket knife, my cell phone, all my important things with me in one place. I would carry my purse camping. If I went on a hike I would transfer my important things to my back pack, but would I leave my purse at home? No! I need what's in there. So bite me purse haters!)

Anyway, Josh doesn't want to camp or climb mountains, or go hunting or do any of that manly roughing it nature crap. He's perfectly happy visiting historical landmarks and museums with me on vacation. I'm a girly girl, he's kind of a girly man, we both fear bears and cougars, and that is why I love him.

This I like.

A while back I wrote about how your wedding will never be unique, that all you can hope for is to make it nice and something that you like and your guests enjoy.

Well here is an example of personalizing your wedding. (I hate that phrase by the way. It's the two of you at the altar, how much more personal can it be. I just can't think of a better way to say it.)

These are so cute. And not cute in a cutesy sort of way, like those Precious Moments figures. Those creep me out on wedding things. They're kids! They're too young to get married! What is this, the FLDS? (Ugh. Don't get me started on them.)

Other cutsey things I don't like to see on wedding cakes or invites: Teddy Bears, Mickey and Minnie. Bleh.

But these faeries are very cute, not tacky and a great way for a couple who is a little different to top off their cake. Or decorate the guest book table. Or whatever. Really cool. I wouldn't mind having a pair myself just as a knick knack.

If you want a pair for yourself they are available at The Pyramid Collection .


My Monday-Friday Vyvanse experience:

Sometime between 7:45 and 8:00: Drag self out of bed. Pee. Put on bathrobe. Rub cats as you stumble to the kitchen. Make breakfast (usualy cereal).

8:00: Eat breakfast while watching Spongebob. Take drugs.

8:01-11:00: Feel nothing. (Note: This time block includes dressing for work, leaving for work and getting to work at 9:00.)

11:01: Vyvanse kicks in enough to make you jittery and give you tachycardia. Still feel very tired.

11:01-3:00: Feel crappy from Vyvanse side effects for remainder of day.

3:01: Leave work.

3:15: Arrive home and begin nap.

6:00: Wake from nap. Any and all Vyvanse effects are gone so you're too tired to cook dinner. Convince husband to go get fast food that is slowly killing you and making you fat and broke in the meantime.

7:00: Begin evening activites. Watch Tifuaxed programs, play Animal Crossing, Cross Stitch, etc.

10:00: Shower. Quick shower. Use regular soap because you're too tired to lather up a poof with fun girly shower gel.

10:20: Return to evening activities clean.

11:00: The best part of the day. Bedtime.

Mmmmmm. Hugh Laurie.

No content here. Just sexy, sexy Hugh Laurie.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008


So last Friday I joined (Shut up, no, I don't know what I was thinking. I hated high school and with the exception of like five people I have no desire to see any of them again. At least until our reunion where I can laugh at them for becoming the fat, bald losers I always knew they would be.)


While filling in my information I got all squishy because I could fill out my married name and check the Mrs. box. I'm a goon, I know, but I don't care. I'm glad to be squishy as we approach our second anniversary and the official end to our newlywed period.

And in case you forgot the quote that goes along with the picture:

"Now remember. We're newlyweds on our way to Earth Capital."