Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Tuxes, tails and brain eating snails.

Josh's tux appointment is today at 3:00. I'm not really looking forward to this. First of all, I really, really need a nap. Secondly, the people in the store were not quite as nice to me when I called to make an appointment at the people at David's were with me. Despite that i'm sure it will all go fine. We, well I, know what we want for the wedding. Classic black tux, no tails, single breasted with three buttons. Vest rather than cummerbund and a bow tie. Josh has asked me to come along since to him I just slipped into Charlie Brown's teacher mode. Also he gets a free tux rental since I bought my gown at David's, and I may need to be there to get that.

What i'm really dreading is leaving the tux shop and heading down to Fantastic Sam's to get my haircut. I've been putting this off for a while, but with our engagement portrait next week I just can't delay any longer. I'm a wash and wear girl so anything more tedious than brushing my hair is a pain in the ass for me. But I know it's for the best so i'm going to just fucking suck it up and do it today. And then take a nap on the couch when I get home.

And as a little aside, happy Administrative Professionals Day to all you Administrative Professionals, Office Managers, Office Assistants, Regular Assistants and Secretaries out there. We are the Mom's Freindly Robot Oil that keeps the robot of business going in this country. So if your boss or co workers don't do anything special for you today treat yourself to a Krispy Kreme and a Starbucks. Or some ColdStone. Or a smooth refreshing martini. Or a nap under your desk Costanza syle. You deserve it. And tomorrow get revenge on them by "misplacing" their stuff. Just remember to blame the guy who doesn't speak english. Oh Tibor. How many times have you saved my ass...

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Well, desserts aren't always right...

We just returned from eating at our favorite Chinese restaraunt. It reminded me that I forgot to post something strange.

We ate there a few days after getting engaged. Most of dinner I spent admiring my new ring sparkling in the low light. The rest of the time I was fretting over giving up control of the cake. I seriously thought about how I could pull it off. Then the waitress brought us our check and two fortune cookies.

I opened mine up expecting the ususal lame saying instead of an actual fortune. It said:

"A beautiful cake awaits you."

I started laughing my ass off. I handed it to Josh who gave me a look like the sky itself had opened up and this piece of paper had floated down.

I still have the fortune which will be put either in a memory box or a scrapbook. But whenever we go back I always look in their coat room at the boxes of fourtune cookies and wonder if there's a box marked "Bake it yourself" next to one that says "Stick with your wife".

Friday, April 21, 2006

I still have some issues with your Random Acts of Geekiness.

Time: 2:00 am.
Location: Master bedroom.
Cats: kicked out.
TV: tuned to the replay of Adult Swim.
Humans: Snuggled down into bed.
Activity: Pillow talk.

We join the converstion in progress:

Brandi: Given my family history i'm way more worried about heart disease than cancer. It's the number one killer of women in this country.

Josh: Wow. Our kids are screwed.

B: Everyone's kids are screwed. Pull any random person out of line at Food Lion and ask them. They have all sorts of fucked up diseases in their family.

J: That's true. I think we'll cure cancer at some point.

B: I don't think we'll cure it per say, but I think that we'll be able to vaccinate against it.

J: But how do you vaccinate against something that may already be in our genetic code, but may or may not be activated by enviroment?

B: I don't mean a vaccine like that. I mean a vaccine that will make our bodies recognize abnormally dividing cells and destroy them, rather than letting them grow unfettered.

J: See I think nano-bots will do that in the future.

B: I don't know. I think nano-bots will be clearing out arteries, putting in stints, taking bioposy samples, stuff like that. I don't think they'll ever get down to the cellular level size wise. I just don't see how we could build something that small and include the intelligence to know cancer from healthy cells.

J: They've done some cool stuff.

B: Where are the studies? Why haven't I heard about it?

J: I don't know man, i've heard about this stuff.

B: Well, next time show me. I'm curious. But I still don't think that nano-bots will be blasting away cancer.

J: Not in our lifetime. But our kids will see that.

B: Ok, fine. If we look down from Heaven one day and see nano-bots I owe you a Coke. Or Pepsi, i'm sure there's an exclusive contract or something in the works.

J: I'd rather have a Pepsi. Well, I can drink either.

B: I prefer Coke. It's not as cloyingly sweet...

Link! No, not the kid from Zelda.

Here are a few links I find quite enjoyable.

A Little Pregnant is an awesome blog taking you through one woman's experience with infertility. It's funny and avoids a lot of the Angel Baby crap you usually encounter with this type of topic. Read the archives. It's worth it.

Veiled Conceit. New York Times Wedding Announcements + Snark = Need I say more?

Homestar Runner. Flash animation. Goofy charecters. Old video game references. They have it all.

Go Fug Yourself. These people hate Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton as much as I do. I didn't think that was possible.

Outpost Nine: I am a Japanese School Teacher. Ever wonder what it would be like to teach middle schoolers in Japan? Well, scratch your head no longer.

Finally, Television Without Pity. If you are a TV geek like myself this site is like coming home to freshly baked cookies and cold milk. And then adding some Kahluha to that milk, because, well, why the hell not?

Oh, you were expecting lots of wedding sites. Hmmm. I have a post about that coming. Until then check these out and be happy that I have not become the wedding.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I still know about your Random Acts of Geekiness.

Before I begin this post I would like to state that I have nothing but the utmost respect for law enforcement officers of all kinds. I appreciate the sacrafices they make to keep us safe and pray for their safety in the line of duty.

That being said.

Like any good geeks Josh and I have quite a few inside jokes, allusions and ongoing gags with each other. One of these is that when we see a police car with the siren on, we joke that the hot light must be on at Krispy Kreme. (If you are an unfortunate soul who doesn't live near a Krispy Kreme, the hot light is a neon light they turn on when you can get your Orignal Glazed doughnuts hot and fresh. This is when they are at their best. Warm little melt-in-your-mouth innertubes of love. Mmmmmm...doughnuts...)

Anyway. I couldn't sleep last night, so I woke up dead tired. I knew what I needed. A sugar and caffeine infusion. So on my way to work I pulled into the Krispy Kreme with my big refillable coffee mug. I looked up and the hot light was on. Just as my mouth began to water, I noticed that one car in front of me was a police cruiser.

What did I do? Well I pulled out my cell phone and called Josh. He was asleep since he had the day off today. But I woke him up to share that I had seen a police car at Krispy Kreme with the hot light on. We got a good laugh. Nothing like inside jokes to keep the bond strong.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I don't believe in Peter Pan, Frankenstein or Superman.

I also don't beleive in bridezillas.

Shocking I know. There was even a TV show called bridezillas. If it's on TV then it must be true. Right?

No. Most of those women were not bridezillas. A few of them were uptight bitches, but mostly they were just dropping a shit load of money for a wedding and wanted the shit right. I can relate. I think it was definately skewed toward making them seem worse than they were. And I think it's pretty fucked up for WE, Women's Entertainment for goodness sakes, to consistantly portray women in such a shitty light. But that's another post for another time. And most likely another blog. Anyway...

A bridezilla is a woman who goes nuts and becomes bitchy, pushy, mean, controlling and unpleaseable while planning her wedding. We all know one, or know someone that does. So how can they not exist? The key is in while planning her wedding. Therein lies my thesis.

I think that if you act this way while planning your wedding then you act this way while ordering a combo at Wendy's. And guess what: It's unacceptable either time. I call bullshit on every excuse given for this behavior.

"I'm just demanding." Sorry. Demanding is rude. You can politely and professionally explain exactly what you want and do not want with out demanding anything.

"I'm a perfectionist." Meet my good friend Paxil. Nothing on this earth is perfect. Nothing. Not even your flawless, colorless diamond. At the very least it's overpriced, and it's also probablly small. Your cake, flowers, gown, hair, day will not be perfect. Accept it or get therapy.

"I'm a control freak." See above. Unless you can do everything from baking your cake, to engraving your invitations, to making your gown, and being everywhere at once on your wedding day, you will have to trust others. And no, calling and checking on something 20 times will not up the chances of it being right. Meet my other good friend, Klonopin.

"I'm paying good money for this." You and everyone else. I'm paying $500 for my flowers. If the other bride he's doing that day is paying $200 does that make me more important? No. Does it give me the right to be more pushy or rude to my florist? No. It means I have chosen more expensive flowers. The end.

"I won't be walked all over." Neither will I. I will carefully read my contracts before signing them and ask questions. I will keep organized records. I will firmly but professionally call attention to things that are wrong. We'll talk about it like adults and reach a decision or compromise. Because that's what grown-ups do.

"It's wrong!" Can you do anything about it now? If yes, see above. If no, I believe you've met Klonopin. Seriously. Is your cake dusted with D-Con instead of pink rose petals? No? The petals are light purple instead of pink? Well, set up the guillotine! Seriously. As long as the mistakes aren't going to make you or your guests sick or in danger, deal. Now, that's not to say that you can't discuss this with your vendor Monday morning, or at an appropriate time and place that day, but pitching a fit 15 minutes before you walk down the aisle is all sorts of wrong. Put it out of your head long enough to marry your fiance. Remember him? Remember the big religious, legal, and social ceremony you are about to take part in? The whole point of this day? Concentrate on that for half an hour. Then determine what if anything can be done. If nothing, well, hit the bar and have a good time.

"I just want it right." Me too. It's a lot of work and a lot of money. There are a lot of people who will witness the fruits of your labor. But you can make sure it's right without being rude. And it can be wrong without having a stroke.

Bridezillas are a figment of our imagination. We give this behavior a name so we don't have to call it by it's other uglier names. Rudeness, selfishness, rigidity, plain old bitchiness. We don't want to say these things to our freinds, our family members or even our fiances. But what we forget is that they were like this before the wedding, and they're going to be like this after the wedding, so maybe we need to seize the day and bitchslap them back into reality. Not just for the vendors who were unfortunate enough to land their business, but for all of us. All of their friends, realtives, co-workers, neighbors, and yes, even us other brides.

Because of them when someone notices a ring on your finger or answers a phone call about a wedding the defenses go up. And sometimes there is no getting those defenses down. They are waiting for you to throw your Martha Stewart Weddings on the table and begin sobbing. That's no way to do business.

As the great Tori Amos once sang "I believe in peace. I believe in peace, bitch." I do believe in peace. I don't believe in bridezillas. Unfortunately I am forced to believe in rude, pushy, mean, inflexible people who happen to be brides and are giving the rest of us a bad name.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


Well the florist called today. His estimate is ready. I'm honestly a little afraid. The cost of photography nearly made me plotz, and I know that flowers are always pricey. I'm heading over there tomorrow to go over it with him. If it's not too much then I'll go with this guy. I like him.

I've begun shopping around for my bridesmaids gifts. I want to get them something cool. Right now i'm leaning toward a bunch of little neat things and one sorta big thing. I'm steering clear of the monogrammed pocket mirror, strand of pearls thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not going to work for all my girls and I don't want this gift to wind up in a drawer.

I think I may have finally chosen an invitation. It's a little fancy, but not over the top or tacky. I want to order those soon so I can have plenty of time to address them. And i'm not sure how long it will take to have them printed up.

I bought a guest book. I had seen a few that I liked in the catalogs and on the internets, but most of them were way tacky with ribbons and silk flowers and crap on them. Even the simple ones were still about $30 or more. And they all held something like 800 signatures. 800! Josh and I are scraping the obligation barrel to use all of our 100 Save the Dates. I found a small (6x6) journal in the $1 bin at Michael's with a purple hydrangea on it. Poof. Our guest book. It's going to be used for one day and then put in a box for the next 20 years. A dollar will do me.

Speaking of the guest book, there's the guest pen. All the cheap options are tacky. I guess I could just put out a Dr. Grip and call it a day, but that doesn't feel right. I really like the ones i've seen that have a metal base that can be engraved. My logic on this is that once the wedding is over I can have the pen on my desk here or at work or by the phone, you know, keep using it. It probably would be on my desk here at home. I think that would be cool. And worth the $30 if I could refill it.

I would also like to have a memory box for some things. My plan for this is to take three round baskets with lids, paint them white glue them together and decorate them to look like a cake. I know some would find this tacky, but i'm a cake person so I would love it.

I found some of our decorations on sale. Michael's had silk flower chains for $5 instead of the usual $10. I bought four white and green hydrangea chains to wrap around the stair rails at the front of the church. I would also like to use some purple ones, but they didn't have those. I want to check New River Pottery, but they are all the way out near Lowes and I just don't have the energy most days.

I guess that's all for now. I need to go to bed, but I haven't even played Animal Crossing today. I would probably do better to spend what little energy I have left neatening up my office so the cats don't destroy anything important. We'll see how that goes...

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Random Acts of Geekiness Part Two: Electric Boogaloo

I'm not sure if i've mentioned it before, but Josh is currently working at the game store. In this position he gets access to some cool shit. Swag they are throwing out, pre-ordering things as soon as they get a SKU, rare things that have been traded in, and pre-owned movies that we either can't afford or don't want to pay $20 for. (Hello Grizzlyman. Awesome flick, but Best Buy wants $22 for the DVD. Yikes! If only he could have found The Notebook before I went and paid $15 for it.) Anyway, the job has it's little perks.

Saturday they were cleaning out the back in preparation for the District Manager's visit in the next week or so. There Josh found one of the coolest things he's ever given me. Up there with the Pink Kitchenaid, the pink SP from Japan, and of course, my fabulous engagement ring.

The Mr. Sparkle t-shirt.

I kept meaning to buy this thing but I never got around to it. Alas dear Mr. Sparkle vanished from the store and seemed never to return. And now he shows up one Saturday afternoon in my size, and on clearance for $1.99. I nearly plotzed when he showed it to me.

I'm wearing it now and it is awesome. Good ole fishbulb. I can't wait until next Friday. Then I get to wear him to work!

Friday, April 14, 2006

Cake Wars: A New Hope

Ah, the cake.

I took a lot of pleasure in checking that off on my Wedding Workbook I tore out of my Martha Stewart Weddings.

I was toying around with the idea of doing my own cake. Wilton makes a cake stand that I have seen used with some very nice cakes that doesn't require dowels or pillars. But then I still have to bake and ice the thing and transport and set it up. Don't need the stress. Even Josh was talking me out of it. So I decided to sub it out.

I never made it to the cake tasting at the woman's house. The first day I was to go I feel asleep and missed the appointment. Then when I rescheduled she had to re-reschedule because she forgot that she was taking her grandchild to have pictures made. So Wednesday the following week it was.

Then the next Monday (before that Wednesday) we went to a place here in Greenville. I had checked out the website before and wasn't nuts about some of the work. But this person was the only baker on my vendor list that had a professional kitchen. That goes a long way with me. So we went to our tasting. She gave us a big hunk of warm yellow cake, dollops of buttercream, whipped and cream cheese icings, and samples of her most popular fillings: bavarian cream, rasberry, lemon, chocolate, and caramel. It was soooooo fucking good. Better than I could have dreamed. She showed us some more recent pictures and I was impressed. The work was better, very good in fact. The clincher was that she offered a 10% discount if we paid in full that day. Josh pulled out the credit card and we were on our way. One big thing taken care of.

However, I forgot to call and cancel my tasting with the other person. So Wednesday I set out. She gave me what I thought were very simple directions. Get on 264 alternate, look for Ballard's Crossroads Grill, turn right look for sign. I followed 264 alternate all the way out to the hospital. I turned around and followed it back. Of course this was the day I had left my cell phone at home. I was hot, I had a headache and was now fighting 4:30 traffic. "Fuck it" I said and went home. I am reminded of one of the great lines in Pulp Fiction "Move outta the sticks fellas." She hasn't called and I haven't called her. This was way to fucked up to be anything but trouble. If I call I have to reschedule or tell her I already have a cake, and I just don't feel like it.

So now our only drawback is that i'm craving cake from our cake person! I keep thinking about it, warm, covered in buttercream, filled with cream cheese frosting. Mmmmmm.....

Well, my birthday is coming up in July....

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Since you're trying to make a getaway in park i'm going to assume that you don't have your chauffer's license.

See. Another Simpson's quote.

Now that we have both a ceremony and reception site I now have new issues to ponder. Did I say ponder? I meant obsess. Sorry.

The most pressing issue right now is transportation and dressing areas. The church is right down the road from our house so I could follow tradition and dress here with my mom and my girls. But I have four cats. One is obsessively on the hunt for affection and toes, the two girls are surly and growl at everything, and the fourth, my little jellybean Wally, inherited his mommy's anxiety problem and runs under the bed at the sound of footsteps on the porch. So i'm thinking that these cats and formalwear would not be a good combination. In addition to that, if I was seriously going to have several family members milling about for the day I would go into hostess mode. Hostess mode means cleaning frantically the night before, constant sensory alertness for fresh litter box deposits, freshening drinks, etc. Talk about needing a Klonopin.

That leaves us with a hotel room for the night. Awesome. Let the maid deal with my mess. A room would be more spacious anyway. Our house is nice, but it's not huge. It's also covered in cat hair. I already have some on my dress. So a hotel it most likely is. That's fine. Hotels are fun. But how to get to the church and reception?

Josh and the guys can easily drive themselves. I on the other hand learned the hardway that it is very difficult to drive, nay fit, into a regular car in a poofy dress. (I drove myself to my senior prom. It was the only drawback to going stag.) So I need a big car and someone to schlep my ass 20 minutes down the road. Then we can drive ourselves to the reception site and the hotel.

Obvious solution: Rent a limo.

Not so obvious problem: I hate limos.

Seriously. Not my style. Not Josh's style. Limo's are on the list of things banned from the wedding, right between the Electric Slide and tulle.

So I start calling around looking for a classic car. I called one person who only has a Rolls Royce. That's cool. What's not cool? The $125 per hour rate. So I call another company. They have a 1963 Plymouth. (I think. He called me back while I was loading the dishwasher so I didn't bother with details.) Total for his services for the day? About $900. I nearly plotzed.

You see, they want to be hired from the time they pick you up to the time they drop you off at the hotel. In our case that is about 5 hours of nothing while we are at the ceremony and doing pictures, and at the reception. And I know these people are making their living this way, but Norman-Tap-Dancing-Schwartkopf!

No i've decided no way. I may call a few other people and see if they will allow me to book them from picking me up to dropping us off at the reception, and then for an hour to take us to the hotel. They probably won't, but as my mother always said, it doesn't hurt to ask. It also doesn't hurt to have a Plan B.

Plan B is for us to call Enterprise and rent a bad ass Lincoln Towncar, get the extra insurance in case the groomsmen fuck it up bad, and drive ourselves. I guess I would have to have the car to take me and my big honking dress, but my mom has driven big cars before so I think i'm good there.

This is part of the planning that drives me to scratch. The tiny little details that can make everyone late and screw us up and piss us off. The devil is truely in the details. But it will work itself out. Hopefully there will be enough people around to point out any holes in my plans and make sure they are taken care of. If not, it could be worse. Homer could be driving us and wanting to do the 2000 year old man bit.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Seeing how this goes.

Ok. Here are church pictures. They are mostly self explanatory. If this post looks crunked in the end, I apologize.

Oh you'll see a picture of the church someday. But I specialize in the blog posts where you get jerked around.

Now let us all pause and remember what an awesome episode "Lisa's Wedding" was. (Season 6, Episode 19) I always told Josh that his elaborate proposal plan would fail and plan B would be a cow with a Marry Me sign on it. I still look at the cats and say "Here Esquilax". After particularly nasty work I ask Josh to be a dear and draw a bath. And who could forget the terror of The Happy Squirrel.

Ah. I think i'll go home and watch The Simpsons.

I'm going to try and put up pictures of the church again today. There may be no text, but I will do my best to get them up. Unless i'm deeply entranced in season six. That was a great season.

We both love the Rolling Stones, not for their music, but for their tireless efforts to preserve historic buildings.

Wow. I need a counter on here for Simpsons references.

It's late and i'm tired, but not quite ready for bed. Which sucks, because normally I like to be lulled to sleep by Adult Swim. That ususally works out well, unless I wake up during some weird-ass, scary anime program. I know, I know. They are going to revoke my geek's license for not being into anime. Thankfully I have reached a pretty bad ass life on Animal Crossing and can quote The Simpsons with enough proficiency to keep the Metal Ones for coming for me just yet.

Anyway, what I hopped on here to do was to post a few pictures of our church. The ones inside may not be the best, my flash wasn't working, but they are pretty good.

I'm thrilled about this place. I can't imagine us getting married anywhere else. So support your local historic society. They aren't all a bunch of kooks. Many of them are very nice people who have a real love for history and a passion for preserving the past. And that's way cooler than another shopping center, or subdivision. At least you can get married in a historic building.

But this stupid thing doesn't want to co-operate. So i'll try again tomorrow. I'm tired enough now to go to bed, and since it's anime time now i'll be doing it to a Family Guy DVD.

Just remember. If the building inspector comes by, this isn't a blog, it's a window box.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Told 'ya.

As you have certainly surmised from our most recent entry, Josh and I are shacking up. If you can call 2 years into a 30 year mortgage shacking up.

When we first moved in together it was mainly for financial reasons. The person who had introduced us, my roommate, had shown herself to be the Hydra that she is and moved out to her own place after two months leaving me financially screwed. We're talking couldn't afford Wal-mart lightbulbs screwed. We were spending alternate weeks at each other's places anyway so we decided that it was silly to keep paying rent on two places.

But even in the cold hard light of facts, that two could live cheaper than one, Josh and I were very much in love with each other at that point, and I had a good feeling that we would get married some day. So after a mere six months we merged. Then after a year and half, when our apartment complex went from college-student-inhabited-rundown to just plain ghetto, we took the dive from Apartment Depot to Home Depot.

Through it all we have put each other first and relied on our love to get us through. That was what inspired lone wolf Josh to sacrafice his bachelor pad after a mere year of living on his own. That is what made me repeat ad nauseum "If you don't want to sell your stock to make the down payment don't. It's your decision and I don't want you to regret it."

Where am I going with all this? There are a lot of people who point to statistics to show that living together doesn't work. I've always been more irritated by these "facts" than scared by them. But today's Wayne and Tamara dealt with a young woman who was scared by these numbers. I like their response. I like Wayne and Tamara. They have a way of cutting through the bullshit. Which is what I think these numbers are. It makes me sad to think that these oft quoted studies may scare someone away from what I maintain is a much greater learning experience than dating ever could be.

Recently we were visiting Josh's dad who has been recently widowed after nearly 30 years of marriage. (This visit was prior to our engagement.) We were discussing our tight financial situation, how Josh hates his current job, how i'm without health insurance. I, the eternal optimist, depression and anxiety not withstanding, reassured Josh that it would all work out, that we would take care of each other and our families would help if we needed it. His dad then said what I think sums up our relationship: "You two are going to be fine, because you are working as a team, for the good of the other."

That's why living together has worked for us. And with that mindset it can work for others. So stick that in your conservative numbers pipe and smoke it!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sawdust and Planks...

I have a small confession to make. As I posted my anger about the uppity, rude, fucktard minister the other night, I was hot on the trail of a possible ceremony site. I didn't want to mention anything because if you haven't already noticed, I am pretty superstitious. I don't carry a rabbit's foot or anything, but I don't like to tempt fate. And I was afraid that by mentioning this place we would be tempting fate.

But I feel more comfortable now. Wednesday I was driving home from work and passed by a church on the corner that I pass everyday. It's sorta small, white, two front doors, no steeple with a very old cemetary. I have always loved this church. I had never noticed a congregration there. The sign out front said it was owned and maintained by the Pitt County Historic Society.

"I wonder if we could get married there?" I thought. Hmm. I got home and decided to postpone my lunch of Ramen noodles for a few minutes.

Finding no listing in the phone book for the Historic Society, I called the Planning and Urban Development Department which was in charge of the department of Historic Preservation. A vary nice lady there gave me the number of the Humber House which houses the historic society for Eastern North Carolina. A very nice gentleman there gave me the number of two people he worked with frequently regarding documents. I called the first person on the list. She knew exactly who I needed to speak with. She gave me his number. The church was availible on the 21st and he was availible the next day to meet me to show me around. Awesome.

We met the next day. When I walked in the building the first thing I noticed was the smell. The smell of old books and rich wood. I love that smell. Sort of like a library. I wanted to breathe it in, like I could absorb it's history through my lungs.

The building was a bit small, but it can hold the number of guests we are expecting. The pews are the original plank pews from the first building in 1759. The current building has been there since 1893. The floors are wood, the altar is a simple platform a few inches off the ground. The walls are tongue in groove painted white. The light fixtures are a few ceiling fans. At the front of the room in front of the altar is the original cast iron fireplace. The windows are simple pane windows covered by blinds. We can open or raise them as we see fit. The pews can be slid to one side to create one ailse for me and my dad.

It is a simple country church. It's peaceful. There is nothing to distract one from the ceremony taking place. There is no organ or piano, but there is a place for my CD player to play our music. It's a place where you can really feel close to God. It's perfect for a couple of history geeks like Josh and I. Now that i've seen it I can't imagine getting married anywhere else.

Tomorrow I will write a check and send it in with a signed contract. And I will check another thing off my list. One fewer thing to worry about. And I was worried. I did not want to get married at our reception site. And Greenville is sorely lacking in any alternative wedding venues. There are not many museums, no gardens, and no where on the ECU campus to wed. I was sorta freaking out.

But the Lord was looking out for us. Funny how one day a light went off in my head to remind me of this place I pass every day. And it all fell into place so easily. And for once i'm not worried about or questioning my decision. Awesome.

As for the other preacher who was so rude and judgey, well, my mother summed it up in her comments on that post:

Can you say "fucktard?" There, I knew you could.I swear, I'm so sick of
stupid people. They're everywhere! Don't let this man get to you, sweetie. It'll
all work out. Shame on him anyway! Who is he to judge?He should read Matthew 7:3
NIV"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no
attention to the plank in your own eye?"

Word! She also wants to call him and tell him what a fucktard he is. Sounds like a plan to me!

Ahhhh...Feels like my own computer....

That's right folks. My own computer complete with acess to the intertron. For the most part this blog has been done on my off time at work and at Josh's computer. But with the recent demise of Josh's podcast the spare computer goes to me. Hoo-ray! I did have to buy a new monitor though. My desk is a drafting table left over from my former life as an interior design student and would not hold the wieght of a regular monitor. So a 17" LCD it is. (In case you're interested Newegg has mad deals on these things.) So check back tomorrow when I will post again about recent developments, maybe with pictures! Oh, who am I kidding. Of course there will be pictures!

Friday, April 07, 2006

I'm ever so pissed!

I know you are shocked, SHOCKED, to see me posting at this late hour, but once again I can't sleep. So since Josh's computer is on i'm hoping to blog myself to sleep.

So what's pissing me off now? Glad you asked.

I have been a Christian almost all of my life. Seriously, i've been down with Jesus since I was like four. At that time my family attended church. We stopped going after the pastor got all up in my mom's grill about how she needed to be there more often and basically tried to tell her how to live her life. My mom doesn't do that shit. So we left that church, but continued to live our lives with God as a big part of them. We were raised to pray, to trust the Lord to care for us and see us through hard times, and revere his infinate power.

When I got into high school my mom and sister began going to church with my aunt and after a while my dad and I went too. We went to this church for about three or four years. I went to college, but when I was home for weekends I went to church with my family. Then our pastor, Delores, was transferred to another church. Before she left I went home one weekend and was offically sprinkled into the Methodist church.

The following week we met our new pastor. First impression: didn't like him. He wasn't warm and freindly like Delores was. She nearly glowed with the Holy Spirit. This guy, just, didn't. He seemed like he had become a pastor the same way one becomes a tile salesman or a guy in accounting. Like it was a job, not a calling. Not the best way to connect to a congregation. We tried to give him a chance, but I couldn't warm up to him.

Then my mom asked him about becoming a pastor. My mom has a very deep connection to God. She would make an excellent pastor. He told her she was too old to go to divinity school and couldn't afford it if she wasn't.

The fact that this man is still walking around shows that I haven't run into him since. They no longer attend that church, although I think that they are still official members. I know I still am.

Where the hell am I going with this? Keep your shirt on, damn.

Traditionally the wedding is held in the Bride's hometown. That way her family can help plan and pay for the big day. That usually means marrying in the parent's church.

Well i'm getting married in Greenville, not my parent's town. A whole two hours from their church. I don't belong to a church down here. You see where this is going.

So over the past three weeks I have called so many churches it's rediculous. All of them say the same thing: you or your parents have to be a member.

I must admit, I was surprised by this. People marry in churches all the time. Are they all members? I'm sure at least some of them have to be just using the church. I called places completely prepared to pay a fee for the use of the church, since they have to clean and light and heat the place, no problem. But none did that. Fine. Frustrating, but fine. Everyone was very nice. Until today.

I remembered Tuesday that when Linda got married she wanted to do it in the Lutheran church that she had joined a few years back. However, for various reasons she hadn't been to services in a long time, so they wanted to charge a fee for the use of the building. She got upset and started going to her neighbor's church where her dad was pastor. Well, I thought that if they were going to let her pay to use the building maybe they would do that with me. So I called and left a message.

Today they called back and spoke with Josh. The conversation went something like this:

J: Hello.

P: Hi i'm returning a call from Brandi.

J: She's at work right now, would you like her work number?

P: Can I assume you're the fiance?

J: Yes.

P: And i'm assuming you don't have a church, but you want to have your wedding here.

J: That's right.

P: Well, i'm not sure what to do with you two. Maybe you can come in and talk to me about it.

J: Well, i'll let her know and have her get back to you.

Ok. Let's look at this more closely. First off, why assume Josh is my fiance? Just because he's a man? What if I live with my brother, or a gay roomate? That's a little pretentious, and you can tell by his tone he immediately judged us for living together. Presumably. Josh could have been over fixing my sink for all he knows, but he skips right on to his high horse. That right there is enough to make me not want to deal with you. I don't need the 'tude.

Secondly, you assume we don't have a church. Well duh. Why would we call for your church when we belong to one already? That doesn't even make sense.

Finally, the one that spinned me into the Delta Quadrant of pissed off, a place i'd never been before in my life, "Well I don't know what to do with the two of you."

Blink. Blink.

Yes, that's right. We're incorrigable. With the vandalism, and the stealing, and the murder, and the selling crack to school children, and the puppy kicking, and the going into people's houses at night and wrecking up the place. We just never learn. Oh. Wait. Not only have we not done anything wrong, we just don't have a church in Greenville, but this guy doesn't know us from Bonnie and Clyde. How dare he judge us for not having a church. Maybe we've been to a few and didn't like them. Maybe everyone else judged us for living together and we were hoping for a sanctuary away from that. Whatever the circumstances all he knows about us is what I left on his answering machine, which was simply asking if they let people use this church who aren't members and my phone number, and what he concluded from two minutes of talking to Josh. Fuck that.

And what is this talking to us? To scold us in person for asking if we could use the church and not be members? If you have a problem with that, fucking say so. Don't waste our time with a meeting that will come down to "You really shouldn't be living together without being married".

And don't suggest that we can use the church if we agree to go there from here on out. I want to go to church, I plan on it later in life, hopefully sooner rather than later, but I want to go because I want to go. Not becuase i'm trying to get something out of it. That's wrong and dishonest. I would love to go to church, but right now isn't the time. Josh works such crazy hours that if he gets Sunday off, which is practically never, it's our only day off together to visit our families, or sleep late, or clean up, or have any real time together. We don't need the burden of "we have to go to church" when it has become a chore or the guilt of "we really should have gone today, they're watching us. We owe them because we got married there". I want it to be "What a pretty day. I can't wait to go to church". I want to do it when i'm committed and when I have to time to give back through choir or nursery or Uninted Methodist Women or something. Not to just show up and go home. And that's coming.

And i'm not saying that they are wrong for not wanting me to use the church. It's their building and they can do as they please, but just say no if the answer is no. And you can say no in a professional, non judgemental way. And i'm not saying they're wrong for not being thrilled about us living together, but they don't know that for a fact, so stop jumping to conclusions just because a man answered the phone, and if we are wrong for living together leave the judgement to God. That's his job.

So it's going to take about 70 years at maximum warp to get back home from the Delta Quadrant of pissed off i'm currently in, but we have broadband out here, so i'll keep blogging. And i'll let you know when or if I find a church for the ceremony. And i'll let you know if God smites my sinful shacking up ass. But you know, the last time I checked he was a being of infinate love and forgiveness, and i'm pretty sure that he's happy Josh and I are getting married, so I wouldn't start preparing for those plauges yet.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Thanks Gawker. I think...

A follow up to my post a couple of weeks ago about the noteable abscence of Britney's girly bits in her "Monument to Pro Life" statue.

Check it. If you must.

And Britney's rebuttal.

I can do that, but I don't want to.

That's right, this is the one thing in the wedding I know I could do. I've been baking and decorating cakes for a few years now, and while i'm trying to adopt a "it'll be fine" attitude about this little shindig, this is where my control freak perfectionist tendencies come out. I know too much for my own good. Where the uninitiated would see a gorgeous cake, I see every miniscule flaw.

I've called three people on my recommended vendor list and all of them work out of their homes. Which I don't want to criticize because I do that too. But I make cakes for my freinds and family. They know the circumstances of my kitchen. I know the circumstances of my kitchen. I'm just a little worried trusting someone else to make a beautiful, delicious cake in a clean enviroment. And I know i'm being anal and picky, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

I made Linda's wedding cake as my gift to her so I know I can do it. I could make my own cake. But I know I don't need the stress and the demand on my time the days before the wedding. I had even thought about having the basic teirs baked and iced by a baker and then assembling and decorating them myself. But if i'm paying by the slice for the cake shouldn't I get the same assurance of set up and such taken care of? Of course I should. I'm just being weird.

I have a tasting today at 4:00 with one of the people I called. She works out of her home, lives in BFE and doesn't keep all her flavors on hand for a tasting. I'm skeptical.

I have also called someone locally who has a storefront and professional facilities. I'm a little more impressed with her. She was much more freindly on the phone. But i've seen her work and found so many flaws. But she at least keeps her flavors on hand for tastings and I know her facilities are inspected and such.

There is one more professional bakery in town that I need to check out. But they can't give me a per-slice figure. It depends on what I want. So i'm going to try and hit them next week.

I wonder how Wal-Mart's cakes are...

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Walk into florist, pull down pants, bend over.

I finally called florists yesterday. Now I have ordered flowers before to be sent to people, and last year I made arrangements for my mom to pay for my friend Linda's wedding bouquet, and talke to the person to tell her what we wanted. So this was a complete shock to me.

Out of the six people I called five wanted consultation fees.

Four wanted $30, one wanted $50. Just to talk to me. Which I know they are highly skilled people and their time is valuable, but gee whiz. $30-$50 for me to give you a rough out line of what I would like and you to tell me if it's possible and about how much it would cost? I'm not talking about sitting down with a contract and making a detailed write up. Just "Yo, I want hydrangeas in October. Is that possible? Ok, how much for a hand tied bouquet? What's your going rate for bouteneirres? Thanks."

To their credit, one place is mailing me a packet and the other said I could come by and pick up a price list, so they're not just trying to screw me. But this other guy who doesn't charge did the rest of Linda's flowers so i've seen his work and I've met him, so I know he's nice and he's talented. He also said he didn't like to do more than two weddings in one weekend since he does all the flowers himself. I'll probablly go with him, but I just hate to make a decision without even considering anyone else. There I go worrying again.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Things i'm already worried about.

I'm starting to think I should have named this the Anxiety Bride. The anxiety disorders are kicking. Here are a few things i'm already worried about, some more reasonable than others:

1. Fitting into my dress in six months. 'Nuf said.

2. The cake will be ugly and taste bad. More later.

3. The food will be bad and the keg will not appear.

4. That I will have a headache that day.

5. That I will have a panic attack that day.

6. That I will break down into uncontrolable crying. Seriously. I'm like Milhouse. I cry when I skin my knee, I cry when they're out of chocolate milk, I cry when i'm doing long division and I have a remainder left over. I mostly cry when I feel overwhelmed or very emotional. And this is an overwhelming emotional day. So i'm going to cry. But ten years from now I don't want everyone who was at the wedding to say "You were crying so hard I didn't think you would make it down the aisle!" That would be bad.

7. That I will be unable to not see or hear from Josh from the end of the rehearsal dinner to the wedding. This is really freaking me out. Don't get me wrong, we don't live up each other's ass like some couples. I enjoy the time I have alone playing on the internet, reading, shopping and hanging out with my freinds. But Josh is my well built foundation, complete with vents every 48", vapor barrier and excellent grading. After i've been out shopping I'm excited to come home show him the stuff I bought, tell him what was on sale, describe the temper tantrums I witnessed, then hug him just because I missed him. I feel more secure waking up with him next to me. He calms me down when i'm upset. He is my other half. I can't imagine not seeing him on such an important day. I was in bed last night trying to come up with a solution. Maybe we could spend the night together and part that morning for breakfast with our peoples. Or maybe we could spend the night apart (a night that will surely include Ambien for me) but have breakfast alone together. I have to at least be able to call him. Ok, now i'm getting anxious just thinking about this. Moving on.

8. Josh having an allergy attack that day. That would be a disaster.

9. My mom having a migraine that day. That would be another disaster.

Man, this is an upsetting post. That coupled with the massive amount of caffiene in the Excedrin I had to take to get rid of my headache is making me jittery and panic-y. Ok, i'm out. Off the the intertron to try and find something funny to calm me down. I'll post later if I can do it with out inching towards meltdown.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Random Acts of Geekiness

Last night Josh was reminded of why he's marring my strange ass.

We spent about four hours as a team removing the stickers from his video game cases. And he has a lot of cases. And he is positivley anal about them.

So we spent four hours with him loosening the stickers with my hair dryer and peeling off what he could and me using Goo Gone to get the rest, then cleaning the Goo Gone off with Windex.

Not many girls would do that. Maybe that's why he agreed so readily to the $1000 wedding gown.

I must! I must! I must increase my bust!

No really. I really do need more up top. But I don't think I would ever get implants. Nothing against those who do, but i'm a real pussy about pain. And the saline ones really look fake nowadays. Or maybe it's that every girl who gets them now wants to go from an B cup to a DD. That's never going to look right. There are a few things I would get done. Like after i'm done having kids i'd probablly have a boob lift and a tummy tuck. And if I ever get the Reagan neck just hit me with a baseball bat and go for the sewing kit. But few things seem really weird, like butt and calf implants. Seriously. These things exist. And the fat into the lips. That looks really bad. (Cough, Jessica Simpson, Cough!)

Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah.

So I do need to increase my bust, but i'm just going to try and get those silicone things you put in your bra. And I need to whiten my teeth, but i'm working on that as I type! Thanks Whitestrips! (registered trademark) I've been bad on that front today. I began the day with coffee and drank a Coke at Target. I've been hitting the Sprite pretty heavy lately. It's clear and caffeine free.

And how do I know I need more up top? Well, my dress is still sorta empty up there, that's how! I know I haven't yet posted about the dress shopping so I won't go into more detail, but it's here and it needs more boobs like Christopher Walken needs more cowbell.

It also needs a hook for the door in my office. The dress bag is longer than I am tall. So that's two things I need to venture into Wal-Mart for.

I still haven't called for the Differin gel. But I did buy some astringent today at Target that has Alpha and Beta hydroxy in it to clear my pores out. We'll see how that goes.