Thursday, June 25, 2009

So I Bought This Skirt...

And i'm not sure how I feel about it.

I got it from Sierra Trading Post so it was cheap. That's good.
I washed it the first time and part of the hem has come undone. That's bad.

It's a polyester/linen blend so I can machine wash it. That's good.
It's more linen than poly so it wrinkles like a mofo. That's bad.

It's a really pretty light yellow. That's good.
It's practically see through so I had to buy a half slip to wear with it. That's bad.

I got my choice of toppings. That's good.
The toppings contain potassium benzoate. That's bad.

Yes, you can go now.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I Know You're Dying to Know...

What I will be watching this summer now that Bridezillas and I are done for real. Now that i've packed up it's things and left them on the porch for them to pick up while i'm at work. Now that i've unfreinded them on Facebook. Now that i've not answered their calls enough for them to stop calling completely. It's time to move on and what's summer without TV? So in no particular order...

Expedition Africa

This isn't my usual TV fare, but I caught part of the first episode and I was hooked. I would like a little more information, like why these particular experts were chosen for this show and why they're trying to recreate Stanley's expedition, and why they're trying to do it in 30 days when it took him nine months, but whatever. Plus you have to love in the opening when an anonymous hand takes a magnifying glass and swirls it over a drawing of Stanley. It's so fast I missed it the first few episodes but I caught it yesterday and rewound to see it again and again. So corny! It cracked my ass up! And the dangers are my kind of dangers, bug bites, parasites, malaria, all things I have a morbid fascination with. So this has taken the place of Bridezillas in my Sunday night 10 pm slot.

16 and Pregnant

I can sum this one up in one word: schadenfreude. I know it's not nice, but well, I feel better knowing that i'm not 16 and pregnant and I don't have a pregnant 16 year old to deal with. Plus, you have to admit there isn't much in life that provides more drama than a teenage pregnancy. Two episodes in I feel a lot of admiration for the first girl profiled, Maci, and a lot of stabbiness for her baby daddy Ryan, and a mix of the two for the second girl Farrah. I'm hooked.


No surprises here right? This is Intervention for Psych majors. And in my case former Psych majors. I love that they are profiling people with different types of OCD, not just people who are washing their hands 50 times a day, I love that the process is explained to the audience, I love the therapists, and I really feel for all the people who are getting help. Well, except for the guy who worked out 10 times a day. He was annoying and didn't really seem to want help. But otherwise I dare you to watch this show and not think "That poor person. Thank goodness they're getting help."


Again, no surprises here. I've been watching Intervention for the past year or so and I really do enjoy the show. The past season I think it's gone down hill a little bit. The people profiled have gotten a little less sympathetic, and in this second half of the season the only subjects I found really compelling were the anorexic twins. But whatever, I still love Candy Finnegan, Ken is growing on me and last night was the triumphant return of the incomperable Jeff Van Vonderan. I'll keep watching. I love this show like crazy!


File this one under B for Brain Candy. I didn't watch The Girls Next Door regularly, but if there was nothing else on (and there wasn't one rainy night in an Asheboro hotel room) I would watch it. And really, I did enjoy it. Hell, it was the rare reality show that didn't involve people screaming and fighting with each other. They actually got along and seemed to like each other. So now Kendra has found love with a football player and must make a life outside the Playboy Mansion and of course hilarity will ensue. If you want a half hour vaction for your brain watch Kendra. It won't disappoint.

Flipping Out

This show isn't back yet, but it will be and I will watch it. Why? Mostly because i'm not sure about Jeff Lewis and i'm hoping this season will give me enough information to decide if he really is OCD in his personality or if he's just an asshole. Last season I waffled between the two and finally had to throw up my hands and say I Just Don't Know. I guess i'm also somewhat interested in how Jeff's business is doing with the financial crisis, and how Jenny is now that her marriage is over, but mostly I just want another crack at figuring Jeff out. And I want to see Zoila. I love Zoila! Go Zoila! Go Zoila!

The Golden Girls

Yes The Golden Girls. This is a great show! I've probably seen every episode 10 times, but they're still as funny and touching as they were when I watched them as a kid. I actually started watching them again by accident. I was looking for something to watch in the evening instead of Gordon Ramsey's F Word, which I couldn't get into, and Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, which I love, but have seen every episode 50 times. I found The Golden Girls on WE and now i'm hooked all over again.

So there you go. Even though i've moved on from Bridezillas I still have a rich TV gumbo to sup on this summer. Because summer is about being inside, cut off from the world, and not really discovering any thing new.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

TV Break Up: Bridezillas

I just can't do it y'all. I can't watch this season of Bridezillas. I watched last season out of desperation and stuck with it until the end but that was it. Last season when the preview would run at the end of the episode I kept hoping that the next week would be the end. I watched about six episodes that I had hoped would be the season finale.

I didn't decide then not to watch this season, but I was pretty annoyed by the show and glad it was over. What bothered me last season more than anything was the overwhelming fakeness of it all. There were just too many people on the show who were obviously acting and acting badly at that. I'm not stupid, I know most "reality" TV is scripted to a certain extent and that producers and editors play with footage to make a compelling story, but this was just sad.

Even sadder was that the commercials for the current season were enough to turn me off this time. The woman throwing flowers and dramatically smashing a cake was so fake I was out right then. I deleted my timer for Bridezillas and have not looked back.

I know it seems silly, but it does make me sad. The first season of Bridezillas was so very good. But after that it became a typical reality show that should have been titled Low Class Bitches and the Pathetic Men Who Marry Them.

So goodbye Bridezillas. And good riddance.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I'm Going to Go Out on a Limb Here and Call it a Comeback.

So a while back I posted rather crypticly about my new meds for my sleep disorder. Well now i'm saying it loud and proud, i've been on Xyrem.

Xyrem is a pretty controversial drug. It's basically GHB. Yes, the date rape drug. I've been taking roofies now for four months. And I feel awesome.

I don't feel awesome on the drug itself. I've been drunk twice in my life and i've never even smoked weed, so not feeling in control of my body is really strange and sort of unpleasant. But the Xyrem puts me into the deep, restful sleep I wasn't getting before and I feel so. Much. Better.

I wake up at a reasonable time in the morning now. I get through my day at work without feeling like i'm in a sleep deprivation experiment going on hour 30. I feel sleepy when I get home from work, and sometimes I lay down to rest, but i'm no longer sleeping 3-4 hours every afternoon. Most of the time I lay down for half an hour or so and get back up since I don't go to sleep and actually feel restless laying in bed. My biggest problem has been figuring out what to do with the afternoons I used to spend asleep.

A few weeks ago I spent my Saturday afternoon in the back yard with my bypass loppers and bow saw and trimmed trees that were long neglected. The Crepe Myrtles and Red Tips look like they grow in a yard of an occupied house now, instead of one that's abandoned. I've ripped down Ivy that was trying to take over a wall of my house. I've transplanted the Hostas that the previous owners foolishly planted in the sun to the shade. The only thing stopping me now is lack of money and the 90 degree heat and opressive humidity that is already here in NC.

The inside of the house is getting better too. I cleaned out my dresser and have actually been folding and putting my clothes away once they're washed. I have five bags of old things to go to Goodwill. I still have a lot to do, but now i'm actually getting some things done instead of letting it sit. Again money seems to be the one thing holding me back on most jobs.

But i'm feeling like myself again. Not like the wrung out rag that has been just getting by for the last couple of years. I'm back. And it feels really, really good.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Le Sigh...But it Leads Me to a Good Point

So last night i'm at a cook out. A cook out where the hot dogs were not coming off the grill as fast as I had hoped. So I was in the kitchen filling up on Scoops and salsa and talking to a couple of people about my Hypersomnia. One person joined us about half way in where I was describing my overwhelming need to sleep. And she goes "Isn't that depression?"

Ok, so aside from the obvious annoyance because no, I saw my psychiatrist the whole time I was on the search for a diagnosis and he re-evaluated me and found my depression to be the same and a real live doctor told me the results of the sleep study that confirmed I have a sleep disorder, this bugged me for another reason.

I've read that Narcolepsy is as common as Parkinson's Disease but that it is terribly underdiagnosed. I can believe that. When I first mentioned Narcolepsy to my primary care doctor as a reason I was so damn sleepy all the time she told me that if I was Narcoleptic I would be nodding off while talking to her. Well, maybe, and maybe not. There isn't a lot of understanding about Hypersomnia and Narcolepsy in the general public and doesn't seem to be much in the general medical community. I was lucky to have a primary care doctor who thought a sleep study was a good idea. But what if I had chalked my sleepiness and lack of interest in things (because I was tired) up to depression? Would a psychiatrist think to consider a sleep disorder if a patient wasn't responding to treatment? I would hope so, but it seems really easy to look at a patient with depression who is sleeping a lot and think that the anti-depressants might me making them more sleepy or not helping and changing the meds ten times until someone gives up or just deals the best they can with the situation.

So what i'm getting at here is if you stumble on this post and you've been seeing a psychiatrist for a while and your depression isn't any better consider that you may have a sleep disorder. You might be surprised at what you find out.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Another Post for Twitter, Which I am Not On.

I'm watching The Abyss. Why the fuck am I watching this movie?!?!?! It is exactly the kind of movie I HATE because i'm a pussy who can't stand suspense! I'm a nervous wreck over here! That's why i'm on the computer. I normally stitch while watching tv but I can't concentrate enough to stitch while watching this! And you know what else, the black lady in this movie. I know i've seen her somewhere before but I can't place it. Oh wait, I have access to IMDB now. Hang on while I look her up.

Ok, she is Kimberly Scott and I remember her from the days a few years ago when I would watch 7th Heaven so I could eviscerate it on the Television Without Pity boards. She was Greta, the sassy social worker. And now I only have 30 minutes left and I can finally say I watched this darn movie. I saw the beginning years ago on tv, but the whole crane crashing and being trrapped under water thing freaked me the fuck out. I'm clausterphobic in situations like that. I can deal with cramped quaters as long as I know I can get out. Otherwise forget about it. In fact to get through the beginning this time I had to keep looking out the window to impress upon myself that I was not in that horrible place.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and mention that i'm torturing myself. You know, for shits and giggles.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Am I The Only One Who Was Broke BEFORE the Recession?

So last night I switched purses from my Fall/Winter purse to my Spring/Summer purse. My Spring/Summer purse is the one pictured but pink with brown trim. It's a Nine West and I got it at Ross last year for like $25. As I put everything into it I thought to myself "Heh, i'm Shopping In My Own Closet! Or as I call it Using Something I Already Have Again Because It's Still Good And I've Never Had A Lot Of Money So Reusing An Item From Last Year Isn't An Earth Shaking Concept To Me ASSHOLES!"

I mean really, I know a great majority of Americans were living well beyond their means in the last few years, but did they really never reuse an item? Why is this such a crazy concept that it's become a Whole Thing in any article you read about the economy? Maybe I was the only one broke before the economy went to pot. I don't know. I do know that I love my purse this year as much as last year and it still holds all my crap so why wouldn't I use it again? Or maybe i'm just weird. That's probably it. I'm weird. Oh well, that's ok because I still have a sweet bag bitches!

Thursday, April 02, 2009

This Project Was Like Pancakes.

Mitch Hedberg summed up the deal with pancakes. At first you're excited, then half-way through you're fucking sick of them. So true. And so true of this project. I got the kit years ago for my birthday right after I took up cross stitching. I was excited and started on it but then got sidetracked by The Stargazer. I discovered this one again in my Inauguration/Snow Day and decided to finish it up already. Mostly I enjoyed it. But then I ran out of two colors of floss. So I substituted. Then I ran out of the Dark Purple and could not substitute that and had to email Dimensions for more. A week later the floss came and I was able to finish the last 20 stitches I needed it for. Then came the backstitching, most of it done with gold metallic thread. Four strands of to be exact. And what a surprise, I ran out of that too. This time I was ready to be done with this thing so I used some gold metallic I had rather than send away for more. Of course this metallic didn't want to work well with the french knots I was supposed to have around her head so I said fuck it, it's done! I still think she turned out nicely. Except her face. I'm always disapointed in the face on these smaller kits. I guess the designers don't have a lot of room to work with, but I also think they don't really try that hard either. Some fractional stitches to round out her face would have done a lot to make it look nicer. Oh well, I tried. And again, overall a nice project that is finally done!

Monday, March 30, 2009

So This Week is Already Starting Out Better!

First of all Jessica C. had her baby! Hooray for her!

And turns out I won a door prize at a vendor fair that was held at work Friday. It's a USB thumb drive! Yea!

Let's hope this is a trend.

Last Week Was a Very, Very, Very Bad Week.

Monday I met my potential new boss and had a pretty large anxiety attack over that. (Wasted anxiety, she was really cool and I think I would work well with her.)

Tuesday, I think, was ok.

Wednesday I went for a six month cleaning at my dentist and found out I need four more fillings at a cost of $607 dollars. I don't have $607. I do have a Care Credit Card which was almost paid off, but my cleaning was $170 and I didn't have that so i'll be paying GE Money Bank for another year. Oh and of course the super fun time at the dentist while he crams stuff into my teeth holes.

Thursday I went to check in at Manda's Blog to find out she had passed away. Very, very sad.

Friday I got up put on my last clean pair of jeans, my last clean sweatshirt and was about to leave for work when Wally and Jules got into it big time in the kitchen. Wally got his ear scratched pretty bad and in running under the bed to hide got blood on the bedroom door, the wall beside my dresser, the dresser itself, and the carpet, so I was cleaning up blood right before work. Driving to work the gas light on the car came on. Normally we would have been paid on Friday, but the way the days fell this month we will get paid on Tuesday. So low on gas, low on groceries, low on money.

So that's why I didn't post last week. Let's hope this week is better.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Love You Prilosec...I'll Never Let Those Assholes Take You Away From Me.

Except that i'm realizing now after a somewhat greasy lunch and a lot of Crystal Light (acidic) that I forgot to take my Prilosec this morning. I have some Rolaids Soft Chews in my desk, but they are child's play compared to the Prilosec. I LOVE the Prilosec. Whenever some numbnut starts bitching about how we all take too many pills I think of my Prilosec and sigh longingly. Water used to give me heartburn. Water! So you can see the whole chaging my diet and drinking more water didn't do much to help. Better living through chemistry y'all.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I'm in my Own Private Hell.

The person on the other side of my cube is listening to the Hamster Dance for THE SECOND TIME!!! Remember the Hamster dance? Mildly amusing ten years ago? Well, yeah, he just found it and is playing it loudly AGAIN! If he does it a third time i'll be blogging from jail after I bust up his computer and get arrested for destroying state property! Gah!

Finally! A Wall-E Cross Stitch!

I've waited so long! Hooray!

The Fucker is at it AGAIN!

More cigar smoke! GAH!!! I'm going to hit this person with my ring hand! And with a 0.86 carat diamond it's GOING TO HURT!

Head Meet Keyboard.

So i've posted a lot here about my 99% liberal views and my feminist convictions as well as my marriage and other assorted what not. Marriage and Feminism make strange bedfellows, but I never had a conflict in my mind about entering into what was once a very patriarchal institution because Josh and I aren't that way and I felt that our marriage is what we make of it, not what is has been historically and in some cases still is.

But since the only people who read this blog are my Mom, my Sister, and Jessica C. i'm not famous enough to cause a stir with the whole Marriage + Feminism = FREAKOUT as Feministing's Jessica Valenti and Andrew Golis are.

Jezebel has the whole rundown of the brouhaha including the responses of two conservative asses calling her a bridezilla and other assorted insults for deciding to get married in a way that was comfortable for her and her fiance instead of how they think it should be done. To which I of course say Fuck. Off.

I encourage you to read the post if no other reason than the hilarious All New Marriage Application. But also think about who we want controlling things that are very private and very personal. People who march lockstep with The Way Things Should Be or people who understand that there is no one path to happiness and let adults make their own decisions on their own and based on what is right for them?

10 Annoying Habits of a Geeky Spouse

So Wired has up an article about the 10 Annoying Habits of a Geeky Spouse, and yeah, it's pretty accurate.

Josh is very bad about #2, not with Klingon, but with frak. Frak to me is like nails on a chalkboard. It's so far from fuck that it just rubs me completely wrong. Even hearing it on BSG annoys me.

#5 doesn't bother me. Josh can wear what he wants and if someone around him doesn't get his t-shirt then it's no skin off my ass.

#6, oh my God, yes! I cannot tell you how much old computer crap is in our shed or how many movies and video games Josh has. Plus the action figures, books, comic books and other types of swag that he's collected over the years. I don't know how we'll afford a house big enough to store all this stuff, and it just. Keeps. Coming. Every game he buys is the special edition with the figures or the poster or the collectable packaging. I honestly try very hard not to think about it.

The other things on the list are less of an issue with Josh, but I would like to propose a number eleven: Trying to convert your spouse to your kind of geekiness via gifts.

I can't tell you how long it took for Josh to realize that if I didn't ask for a video game for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary/etc. that meant that I didn't want a video game and not to buy one because I would say thanks but then never play it. It honestly took years of fail on Josh's part to get this. There is a scene in a Family Guy episode where Lois is opening gifts to unwrap another sword from Peter. After a few meaningful looks Josh asked if that was him. I said yes. I have a lot of 'swords' that were well intentioned, but hopeless gifts in the end.

But by and large i'll take the annoying habits of my geeky spouse any day over the annoying habits i've read about with non geeky spouses. Josh's passion for video games/action figures/comic books means that he gets my passion for dolls and collecting cross stitch patterns. He never nitpicks me over money I spend on my hobbies because his invariably cost more. He doesn't hassle me to dress sexy all the time because I don't hassle him to not wear the Gears of War t-shirt again. We'll make space for his stuff the same way we'll make space for mine. As always the geeky marriage comes down to just being a marriage. Compromise, understanding, love. Same as it ever was.

Oh Heaven Help Me.

So someone is outside my building smoking a cheap cigar and i'm so tempted to find them, cuss them out for smoking under an intake vent and then vomit on them from their disgusting choice of tobacco product.

NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING stinks like a Goddamn cigar. I HATE a fucking cigar.

Lord give me strength not to vomit into my trash can.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Glorified Cube 2315 is Happy to Welcome IE 7!

Yes, you read that right. I just now installed IE 7. I finally have tabbed browsing here at work! Yea! I'm excited!

And also, it's Friday! And it's lunchtime! WOO HOO! Time to find a Frontline on to watch while I eat my Lean Cuisine cheese ravioli. Aw yeah.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Back to Work.

So i've returned to work after my two days off for Spring Break. And you know what is annoying the hell out of me? That my super advanced Cisco IP phone doesn't have the sense to spring forward. So my computer says 9:47 and my phone says 8:47. I've been through the settings and have found nothing to change the time. The last time the time changed I think it took a month or so for the phone to wise up. Really, really annoying.

ETA: Ok, I have an email in my inbox from Monday about this. Apparently this is an issue with some of these ultra fancy phones and ITCS is working on a fix. It should be worked out by next week. Still annoying. How much did this phone cost? And Cisco knows that it doesn't update for daylight savings? Please.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

SPRING BREAK!!! WOOOO! Well, When Are We Going to Get Rowdy?

Bart on Spring Break in Knoxville. Awesome episode. Fun fact, my first Spring Break in college I took a trip to Knoxville. Not my idea I swear. I even got to see the Wig Sphere, I mean, Sun Sphere.

Anyway, i'm an old married woman now and Spring Break for me means that I take two days off work and do my sping cleaning. I had planned to get rowdy with some Venetian Sunsets today, but I couldn't buy the champange this morning at the grocery store. Here in NC you can't sell alcohol before noon on Sunday. I guess someone might get drunk and go to church. So instead I cleaned my corner of the living room, spray painted a picture frame, hosed off my silk plants, washed all the curtains, cleaned the refrigerator, windexed the light fixture in the kitchen, and used a Magic Eraser on the mail box stand.

Tomorrow I plan on putting Killz over the water spots in the ceiling left from past tropical storms, washing my kitchen cabinets, cleaning windows, repairing the doorbell, washing the curtains in the bedroom that can only be handwashed, and trying to bring some order to the chaos that is my office.

Oh yeah. Spring Break. It's a laugh riot around here. It's almost as fun as being at work.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Oh and by the way...

For all of those who expressed surprise at me going out with my freinds this weekend, along the lines of Brandi has freinds? and Brandi goes places? You all can kiss the lower part of the backside of the canister that is my body.

Monday, March 02, 2009

And Lo, The Seventh Seal Was Opened, And Brandi Went to the Club

No, really. I went to the club this weekend with a few freinds. It was a bithday celebration so I felt like an asshole not going. I had fund hanging out and shopping and having dinner with the girls, but I did not like the club.

It always pissed me off as a kid when people would say "How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it?" That still applies. Josh kept telling me Friday that I would go to the club and end up liking it and spending all my time there until I found someone new. No, I don't know what he was smoking. These are a few things I know about myself: I don't like loud places, I don't like crowded places, I don't like paying $10 to get in somewhere, I don't like paying huge amounts for drinks, I don't like being out super late, and I don't like paying large amounts of money for clothes that I can't wear to work.

This is what I know about the club: It is very loud and crowded. The cover varies, but can be pretty high. The drinks are too expensive to really catch a buzz on. No on even goes to the club before 10 pm. The clothes that you wear to the club are not clothes you can wear to work. At least not in my kind of work. So it's not a big leap to assume that knowing myself pretty well and what I like and don't like that I can safely guess that the club wasn't for me. But hey, I went. And I am know 100% certain that my life as a homebody who loves to cross stitch while watching tv and going to to bed early is for me. Just like I was before.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

General Manager. Not So Great Akshually.

Josh likes to say i'm the general manager of the house. In wrestling this would mean that set up the matches and whatnot and had my own office and was an important part of the organization.

In real life this means that i'm the one who has to call the Turd Merchant to get the septic tank pumped. So...yeah...

Monday, February 23, 2009

Posts I Would Have Put on Twitter This Weekend if I Was on Twitter.

  1. Saturday morning i'm driving to Wal-mart and I see Grimace and the Hamburgler outside the McDonald's with ballons doing some sort of promotion. And I thought, do kids even know who Grimace and the Hamburgler are anymore? I haven't seen them in a commercial for McDonald's in ages.
  2. My mail carrier still doesn't know what the large yellow DO NOT BEND stickers on my mail mean as I found another package marked that way crammed into my mailbox this weekend. I know you phone it in since you're a goverment employee, but come on.
  3. I watched my first episode of Battlestar Gallactica this weekend with Josh. In the four minutes that Guyas Baltar was on screen in the first half of the show he proved himself to be a complete tool who I hate eventhough I probablly won't watch the show again. Unless he gets beaten up or killed. Then i'll tune in.
  4. Edward James Olmos really does have skin the texture of a decorative autumn squash. It fits his charecter on BSG as Odama, but I feel for the man in the future.
  5. I have a few questions about BSG. First of all, where do the Cylons get their make up and hair products from? They look great where as the Humans look like they haven't had soap in ten years. And where does all the booze come from? If they left Earth with the booze surely it's running low by now. Are they making toilet wine like in prison? And where the hell did the piano in the bar come from? This is just silly.
  6. Have you seen the commercial for the weight loss cookies? The one where everyone is saying that they took the cookie from the cookie jar? And they say that you can save all this money by eating these diet cookies instead of real food? Yeah, you're supposed to have ONE COOKIE for breakfast, ONE for lunch, then I guess a sensible dinner as Slimfast used to call it. I'll tell you why you're saving money. Because starving is cheap! One cookie! A magical weightloss cookie that can't taste that good? Fuck you. I'll be fat.
  7. Speaking of which, I found out at the doctors a few weeks ago that I have gained weight and am now above my personal limit by two pounds. And a few weeks ago I also found out I have high cholesterol. So i'm changing my diet a bit and hope to start exercising soon. Bleh.
  8. Got completely lost yesterday trying to find Jessica's baby shower. (Yes, Jessica C. Check out her blog and her Etsy page.) I actually had given up on finding the place and was heading home when I noticed a sign for the church by the road and showed up an hour late. I hate being late as much as I hate being lost. But i'm glad I made it. I would have hated missing the shower even more.
  9. While watching Spongebob this weekend (Yes I watch Spongebob. But only the older episodes. The new ones are unwatchable.) I saw a commercial for a Littlest Pet Shop playset. It came with an exclusive new pet, the porcupine. You dumbasses. No one wants a porcupine for a pet. Porcupines are wild animals and their quills break off once they've lodged in your skin. They are not cute or cuddly at all. The new pet should be a hedgehog. I know they are often confused, but come on. Google porcupine and tell me anyone would want one as a pet. As a former hedgie owner this really bugged me.

So that was my weekend if I had put it on Twitter. Which I didn't because i'm not on Twitter, because I don't get Twitter. Because i'm old. That is also why i'm not on Facebook or Myspace. I'm going to go polish my cane now and talk about how things used to cost less than they do now.

Friday, February 20, 2009

That'll Do Janlynn. That'll Do.

Janlynn has apologized to 123Stitch and will be turning the address over to them. They claim that this was a mistake, but i'm not so sure. Either way i'm happy to be able to shop from Janlynn again. They have very nice patterns and when I buy directly from them I always get a free item. Now all I need is some damn money.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Advice Do-Over: Carey Tennis 2-18-09

Ever notice that Carey Tennis is the only advice columnist I seem to do over? Yeah, well, he fucked this one up bad.

Dear Cary,

I am a longtime reader and fan of your column. I'm not really sure that my problem falls into any of the usual categories. My husband is a hard-core environmentalist. I am also, but to a lesser degree. I've made many concessions to try to make him happy, such as living without a car and becoming a vegetarian. I am the main breadwinner and work 50+ hours a week, plus I run a small business on the side to help put him through graduate school. I don't have a lot of free time, but I do a lot of the housework. Here is where the problem comes in.
My husband becomes enraged if he catches me putting clothes in the dryer (instead of hanging them outside) or if I forget to turn down the water heater (he insists that it be turned off whenever we're not using immediately.) I've gone around and around with him, trying to point out that there are reasonable limits to what a person can do to save energy and decrease her carbon footprint.

Sometimes my time is simply more valuable than the energy I burn to save it. He doesn't see it this way and accuses me of being lazy and uncommitted. I'm feeling increasingly inadequate and resentful. Over time he is becoming more and more extreme. Apart from the environmental thing, my husband is a very sweet and gentle person. It's like he's morphing into Captain Planet. Or the Planetary Avenger. Or something. Can you offer any fresh insights into the situation?

NC Hippie

Dear NC Hippie,

Your husband is not an enviromentalist. He is a control freak and an abuser. His need to control you and his insulting you when you don't do things his way is a huge red flag. Like all abusive partners he is sweet and gentle after he insults you so you will continue to stick around hoping for the good parts to come. Like all abusive partners he will escalate his controlling behavior until you are completely dominated by him and your fear of his anger if you don't do things just right. Get out. Get out now before it gets any worse. If you need help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Maybe Turning a Corner

I won't go into too many details but i'm trying a new medication for my Hypersomnia starting today and i'm getting a little excited. I'm really hoping that this will be what i've been waiting for and will finally be able to live my life again the way I used to. Excelsior!

A Post Valentine's Post

Sunday night I went to Walgreens to pick up a few prescriptions and see what cheap candy I could score.

While I was searching the mangled remains of the candy I heard something behind me. On the toy side of the aisle someone had started up a musical toy. The toy was a stuffed wolf on top of a lamb and played Hungry Like the Wolf, and the lamb would periodically baah.

So the wolf was on top of the lamb like it was going to kill and eat the poor thing and the lamb seemed to be crying for help. Not very romantic. Sorta creepy. In fact if I had received this as a gift for Valentine's day I think I would have to break up with the person who gave it to me. I mean really. What the fuck?

Monday, February 16, 2009

VD is for everybody!

You've seen that right? This. I'm so old. I saw this originally on Nick at Night, not YouTube. Anyway...

Not that kind of VD.

Our Valentine's Day was very nice as it always is. This morning I was catching up on my blogs and read a Consumerist post about how spending on diamonds is down, how guys were lined up at the Godiva store and how the best way to have a nice, cheaper, Valentines was to avoid manufactured sentiment and do something that was meaningful for you. Shocking, I know.

Josh and I have been doing this for years. This is the third year in a row we've gone to Cracker Barrel for dinner and it's now a tradition. We had to wait for a table, but that was ok. It wasn't terribly cold and we laughed our asses off at the hoarse girl on the intercom calling for tables and complained about the terrible country music.

Instead of traditional Valentine's gifts Josh gave me a cross stitch kit (above), a book on needle tatting, and a pair of inexpensive earrings from my Amazon wishlist. I gave him a book of H.P. Lovecraft, The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe, and Zombie Ninja Pro Am. No super expensive flowers. No cheap diamonds from Kmart. Just stuff we both really liked that showed how much we care for and get each other. I'm not seeing what's so hard or revolutionary about that.

Anyway it was lovely. And geeky. Nothing says love like H.P. Lovecraft.

Not Cool Janlynn. Not Cool.

So today i'm catching up with my cross stitch boards and I come across a post about one of my favorite online stores 123

123 has been a favorite of mine for awhile. They offer most things discounted and have a very large selection of products for cross stitch, needlepoint, crewel and even scrapbooking and rubber stamp supplies.

However, Janlynn, a large craft designer and company has registered the URL www.123Stitch.NET . That's right. Click on it. See. It takes you to Janlynn's website.

Now Janlynn has some lovely designs and I have bought many of their charts and kits before, but this is fucked up. I can see why an upstart business would try and snake customers from an establised site, but a company as big as Janlynn should know better. This is a questionable business practice of Wal-Mart proportions.

I doubt there is much to be done, but I will be sending Janlynn a nastygram. I'll probably avoid their products for a while in the hopes that they will resolve this issue. And I will be sure to pimp as much as I can when it's appropriate to. See. I did it right there. Follow the link, browse around, throw them some business. It'll be good for the economy.

Friday, February 13, 2009

I'm Easy, No, I'm Simple, No, I'm Low Maintenance. Yeah, That's the Ticket!

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Now i'm not one of those assholes who spends the first half of February kvetching about how Valentine's is a made up Hallmark holiday, but i'm not a fancy restaraunt, long-stemmed roses required type either.

I like Valentine's Day. I like the idea of having a day set aside to show those you care about how much you do care about them. Now I do think that somethings take this way too far. I've seen more Pajama Gram commercials in the last two weeks than I can count. While perusing the classifieds last week looking for a hedgie in need of a good home I came across an ad for AKC registered Yorkies for $800. "Perfect for Valentine's Day" it said. Yikes. That's more than Josh spent on me for Christmas!

I told Josh about the ad and asked him if he wasn't glad to be married to me who set a $50 limit and tells him every year that he doesn't have to buy me roses, if he does buy me roses they dont have to be red, long-stemmed or a dozen of them. (I never got the long-stemmed thing. Who has a three foot high vase? I end up cutting most of the stems off.) He of course said he was.

I think a lot of the Valentine's backlash comes from an all or nothing attitude. As if you can't have a nice low-key Valentine's Day. It's crappy all around in that case.

Tomorrow i'll get Josh a card and a cute bag to put his presents in, he'll get me grocery store flowers (totally fine by me) and we'll go out to eat at Cracker Barrel since it's the only place to eat in town that doesn't have an hour wait that night. A lovely, low-maintenance Valentine's day.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

How Do You Find a Word That Means Maria?

Thought the Sound of Music Songs were out of my head, huh? Nope.

So whenever I mention my sleep disorder I always get the same question: What does it mean to have hypersomnia/narcolepsy? (Depending on which term I decided to use. Still not sure about that.) My answer always seems to fail. It always gets a litany of "I must have that, i'm so tired." Well, maybe, but probablly not. There's a difference between being tired for real reasons and just being tired because your brain is fucked up.

Having narcolepsy (i'll go with this since it's easier to type) means that I look forward to going home and going to bed.

It means when i'm walking across campus to get something signed I look at the fluffy green grass on the mall and think about how nice it would be to just snuggle up for a nap.

It means I have that same thought standing at my mailbox looking across my front yard.

It means that I feel like my blood is made of lead much of the time.

It means that episode of Seinfeld where George built the sleeping compartment under his desk is my dream.

It means that I just don't feel like doing much of anything.

It means that my options for meds are really limited and chock full of side effects.

It suuuuucks.

It's like being a cat in a human body with human responsibilities. You can't take the five naps a day like you need. You can't curl up on that sunny grass, at least not in your front yard unless you want the neighbors to talk. You have to work unless you can get disability and that's no easy or desirable task. You feel like a zombie shuffling around, except zombies don't really have much to do except seek out brains to eat. They don't have lives to enjoy or things to miss out on because they feel bad. So that world is what having narcolepsy is.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Cross Stitch Hacks: Fractional Stitches on Aida

So I belong to a Counted Cross Stitch group on Yahoo. Mostly I enjoy reading the posts when I have time. However one thing about it makes me go bonkers. Someone will ask the age old question "How do I do fractional stiches on Aida?"

And someone always pipes up with "You could always use evenweave."

Well no shit. Look, we all know about evenweave. But most of us don't have the time and money to switch out the aida that comes in kits to evenweave or a use for all that offensive aida stacking up. So here is how you make a fractional stitch on aida.

You use a sharp pin to punch a hole in the middle.

There. You're welcome. I just saved you six long, boobless hours reading 75 posts about how aida is bad and evenweave is made of puppies and rainbows.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Contracts for Dummies! (That means you Sarah.)

So I can across this quote from Sarah Palin and I just have comment.

"This is what I've been telling Bristol, before she gets married, is, Bristol, there are definitely gonna be tough parts in marriage. You have to look at those tough times and remember that you have essentially a business contract with this person. You've signed an agreement: You're going to be together."

Now I hate to say it, but I do agree with the first part of that sentiment. The second, not so much.

I do believe that marriage is a contract. That's not romantic, but it is basically true. You each agree to terms that are binding.

What Palin doesn't get (aside from the fact that Bristol can't enter into ANY contract until she's 18) is that both parties have to meet the terms of a contract for it to be binding.

Yes, when you get married you stand before God and your parent's whole Christmas card list and agree to love, honor, and forsake all others. But five years down the road when the Mister is fucking the new girl in accounting, that's a breach of contract. Contracts that are breached are null and void.

So remember that Bristol when or if "tough parts" degenerate into Levi beating you and fucking your best freind. Or stealing money from you or verbally abusing you or even if the basis of your marriage, love, (i'm being nice here and not suggesting that the out of wedlock baby would have anything to do with the nuptuials) is long gone.

It has always confused me that so much focus is placed on the "till death do us part" area of the marriage vows, but so little on the parts that make that promise worth keeping. It also makes me very sad that that focus has kept so very many people in marriages that are the complete opposite of what a loving God (the entity that consecrates most marriages) or even a just society (for the non beleivers out there) would want for their people.

Of course it also confuses me that the fucking Governor of Alaska doesn't understand that a contract must be fulfilled on both ends to be valid and that contracts can be breached and ended. And it makes me very sad that she came so very close to the White House.

What really makes me sad though is that i've devoted a post to something this dumb ass bitch said. So yeah. I'm gonna go get drunk now and pretend this didn't happen.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Ugh. Yard work.

No, not that kind. Thankfully (in this case) it's still cold as ass around here so with the exception of my daffodils (who sadly got snowed on last night) everything around our house is still dead or dormant.

This yard work is occurring right outside my office window. Apparently the University has some thing about the place looking nice all the time, even in the winter. I'm not sure what has been growing around here, but whatever it is is being weed wacked and the smell of cut grass and exhaust is now wafting up into my building. It's sickening. At least i'm only here another hour.

Blogger Dropped Me. They Said Posts Like "Uh Oh! Polio!" Don't Connect With Today's Youth.

And that's because thankfully polio today is a footnote of history here in the US.

Monday night I met up with an old freind, PBS for a few drinks, some catching up and American Experience: The Polio Crusade. (What? No it isn't cheating! Look, is still my main squeeze. But I can have freinds, right? And it was just drinks. Nothing serious. Besides, I hang out with other educational channels all the time and is totally cool with that.)

I considered just calling this post Uh oh! Polio! But as funny as it is when it's on an Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode, it just isn't after watching this program.

People, I didn't stitch during this. Just think about that. Turn it over in your head. How riveting this must have been to warrant my complete attention at a time when i'm working hard to finish a UFO.

I knew a few things about Polio and the efforts to create a vaccine for it, but I did learn a lot from this program. For one thing I didn't know that The March of Dimes was started for the purpose of treating and preventing Polio. I didn't know that the iron lung was a permanent home for only some victims of the disease. I didn't know that many people spent months or years in one until they could relearn to breathe using their neck muscles. I also didn't know that some people were able to regain the use of their paralyzed limbs. Sometimes, not always.

I was of course gobsmacked by the irony that Sabin was fucking convinced that Salk's dead virus vaccine would kill people when his own live virus vaccine would of course end up with a higher chance of someone actually getting the disease. And I was confused why this simple concept was lost on a brilliant scientist such as himself.

But what sticks with me most are the images. The images man. It's been said many times that one reason parents today are so easily freaked out by minor concerns about reactions to vaccines, and to the completely untrue, disproven, paranoid, autism not-a-link-at-all-you-dumb fucks is because they've never seen a kid suffer with these easily preventable diseases and I think there really is something to that. After seeing all these videos of pitiful children in leg braces and iron lungs, disabled for life at such a young age, I wanted to get the cats vaccinated! You know, just in case.

I think if people today really knew how bad Mumps could be, that Whooping Cough can take months to fully recover from, had seen Timmy across the street in leg braces or an iron lung, or even seen a child buried from an easily preventable disease they would appreciate the modern wonder of vaccines and thank God that we have them. They would be pushing their kids to the front of the line for the shots just like they were when the Polio vaccine was finally available. I certainly was that night and I don't even have children.

So in summation: Polio is bad. This episode of American Experience is good. It's playing on my totally wonderful educational boyfreind now and is well worth the hour of your time. Even if you have to tell a little white lie to your educational boyfriend about where you were and with who for that period of time. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Right? RIGHT?

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Revolutionary Road: What a Miserable Book That Was.

Ok, so i've mentioned being a consumer whore recently, but I haven't confessed to a slightly less shameful charecter trait. I'm also a book whore.

I was that weird girl in school who really liked to read. In middle school I woud read while in line to the cafeteria for lunch like Belle in Beauty and The Beast. Then I read through lunch. (Easy to do when you don't have many freinds.) In high school I finished reading A Separate Peace in one day because I was bored on the bus and hey! Look! A book! Once I get into a book I can finish it in no time. I'm also susceptable to suggestion and if I hear a book is good I end up dying to read it. This usually ends with me ordering the book from Amazon since I haven't been to the library since last summer when someone got stabbed in front of the building at the exact time that I would have been there. (For realz! Someone got stabbed in front of the library at 3:15 in the afternoon. Right between leaving work and going home. So i'm a little gun shy. Or knife shy.)


So around the time that Revolutionary Road came out in theatres there were articles about the book and how people just loved it and how it was so good so like a good little book whore I ordered it from Amazon. (I would like to note that I was careful not to buy the movie tie in version with Leo and Kate on the cover and then to peel off the Now A Major Motion Picture sticker that was on it. That shit annoys me.)

I guess the book was good enough. I was well written and all, but I really didn't like it.

First of all, call me an asshole, but I'm easily annoyed at movies, books, TV shows etc. about the drudgery and ennui and desparation of the suburbs. Like it's the MOST AWFUL THING EVER to live inbetween the city and the country. Maybe i'm a weirdo, but I like my life in the suburbs. I like having a yard and an attic and only being five minutes away from several restaraunts and stores. I like the quiet of my neighborhood, and knowing that if my house catches on fire in the middle of the day someone walking their dog or cutting their grass will be there to call the fire department. And that the fire department will know where i'm at since i'm not in the middle of nowhere. Not to hate on the city or the country. I'm sure they have their charms for those who choose to live there. But I chose to live in the suburbs so can we all just accept that and stop looking at us suburbunites like we're empty losers filled with longing and dark secrets already? And honestly, if Frank and April were so damn miserable in the 'burbs why not move back to the city? Jeez.

Of course, even if they had either stayed in the city to start with or moved back or even (spoiler alert) made it to Paris I don't think things would have turned out differently for them.

And that brings me to the second reason I really didn't like this book. There wasn't a remotely likeable charecter in it. (I'm not counting the kids, they were such minor charecters they don't really count.)

Frank and April are crappy people. Their freinds are crappy people. Their real estate agent and her family are crappy people. They are all so empty, but they don't really do anything to fill this emptiness. They don't really talk to their loved ones. They don't listen to them. They don't try to make their lives meaningful where they are now. They just go about their lives waiting and expecting the outside world to fill them up. They're selfish assholes.

Why are they selfish assholes? We don't really know. And that's probablly where the book disappointed me the most. I wanted to know why. Why did Frank and April get married in the first place? Why did they hate each other so much? Did that develop slowly? Was it a sudden thing that happened? What the hell? Can I get some insight into this please?

Maybe i'm missing something here, but I wasn't really impressed. I'll be listing my copy on Paper Back Swap and hoping to get a better book in return. And maybe next time instead of dropping $10 on a book I may not like i'll brave the library.

Have I Mentioned I'm A Consumer Whore Lately?

I haven't? Well here you go. I totally am. I bought a Snuggie.

Yes I know that the Snuggie is a ripoff of the Slanket. (Who came up with the name Slanket anyway? That sounds like some weird sexual act.)

Anyway I went to Walgreens Sunday night and they had Snuggies for $15. I had decided I wanted one after Christmas when I was trying to read with a blanket over me and found that I couldn't turn the pages of my book without disturbing the delicate way I had the blanket to cover my arms and my feet.

Of course I only needed one Snuggie, not two, and wasn't keen on the 6-8 week shipping time so I decided to wait until it showed up in stores like these things always do.

I will say that the fabric of the Snuggie is cheap. But considering that to make one of better fabric would involve going to the fabric store, picking out fabric, paying more than $15 for it (I would guess this thing uses 4-5 yards of fabric), prewashing, cutting the peices out and sewing them together, i'll just settle for the cheap fabric. Plus I got the book light.

So yes I bought a Snuggie. Last night I was able to cross stitch and stay warm at the same time. And now i'm ready at a moment's notice for some low-rent wizard cosplay.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Invasion of the Mooninites

Yes, I charted and stitched this myself. I finished it last year, but still haven't framed it. I've thought about selling the pattern on Etsy, but i'm concerned about copyright issues. Of course from what i've seen of cross stitch patterns on Etsy, i'm the only one who is worried about that sort of thing. But whatever happens the Moonitites have landed and made their intentions clear.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

And Now For Something Completely Different

So now that my blood pressure has finally come down from yesterday's post, I can post about something nice. Something that doesn't have anything to do with child rape.

The 2009 Nordic Needle Bookmark Challenge is starting up again. Last year I sent in four bookmarks (pictured) and this year I hope to double that.

Full information is here, about half way down the page. The bookmarks go to the Stitching for Literacy Project.

Bookmarks in any type of needlework are welcome. As the newsletter says last year the techniques varied widely: "The techniques included Cross stitch, Hardanger, embroidery on paper, Blackwork, canvas work, needlepoint, pulled and drawn thread, Bobbin lace, tatting, crochet, knitting, machine embroidery, peyote beading, Bargello, Schwalm, and crewel embroidery. There were bookmarks from at least 29 states and 6 countries. "

I am quite proud that my bookmarks were among the over 450 donated.

Last year I only managed four bookmarks because I started late and decided on using some of the varigated floss that I had never had a chance to use. You see when using varigated floss you have to make each individual cross stitch instead of making a row and then going back over them to cross them so it takes twice as long to stitch an area. I enjoyed using the floss, but the time it took was a little much for me. (This was prior to the sleep disorder diagnosis.)

This year I have a different plan. I spent Inauguration Day out of work because of the snow. As I celebrated Hope and Change and tried not to be blinded by Aretha Franklin's hat (seriously, I think her hat was signaling to the aliens or something) I reorganized my cross stitch supplies. I gathered all the floss from kits I had finished and kept the strands that were mostly or completely intact and tossed the short lengths. I felt like a pack rat keeping the things, but I really didn't want to throw them out. So not knowing what I was going to do with them I put them in zipper bag.

Now my plan is to use very simple patterns and sayings, and rather than use the colors specified, use the left over floss. This way I won't have to pull five different colors of floss for each bookmark and will hopefully make stitching them faster. Faster means I can make more of them.

I'm really excited about this. I get to use up old floss, scraps of fabric and some of the free designs i've found on the internet. And i'm encouraging people to read. This would be win-win if my damn tendonitis wasn't acting up. Of course that gives me an excuse to take drugs that make me feel gooooood. So I guess it's win-win-win!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Ruminations on Life Inside a Cult

Yes another TV related post. I watch a lot of TV, what, wanna fight about it? (Speaking of TV related posts, i've been meaning to put another one up on my current brain crack The Real Housewives of Orange County, but damn, there is so much flying around the brain on that one.)

Anyway, yesterday I watched Life Inside a Cult on The National Geographic channel (I refuse to call them Nat Geo, same as I refuse to call The History Channel just History.)

The show focused on the Strong City Cult in New Mexico lead by a man calling himself Michael Travesser (His given name is Wayne Bent) who believes that he is God and predicted the end of the world on October 31st 2007. All members of his cult have given up working in the outside world and all their disability and social security checks as well as current and future inheritance goes to him. He also uses his status as leader of the cult to have sex with women in the cult and lay naked with young girls as a religious experience.

I'll give you a moment to let all that sink in and vomit if neccesary. What am I saying? If.

Ok, now that we've all done the technicolor yawn and gotten a Breathsaver...

Of course the world didn't end on Halloween 2007. The camera crew wasn't allowed in the compound at the supposed moment of whatever was supposed to happen (Travesser was very vague about what was supposed to happen that night, only telling the crew that he would receive a new physical form. His lackey Jeff said that world would be judged, but I don't recall that occuring either.) but they were allowed to stand at the gates to the compound as his followers cheered and danced and shouted freedom. What exactly they were freed from wasn't clear. Afterwards no one would say wether or not he did receive a new form, so we can all figure out the answer to that.

Now I could rant all day about this man and his mind control, his theft of his follower's money, and the criminal acts he's committed with minors, but the last time I started in on that sort of thing it took four klonopin and a tranq dart to bring me down.

No, what i've decided to rant about is what has stuck with me even more all that and made me really sad.

In the opening scene two girls, I would say about 14 to 17 years old are walking and talking about how happy they'll be to go to (what I presume, again, this wasn't made very clear) heaven. Because "they weren't meant to live in this world".

Now throwing out the logic of God wouldn't put you weren't supposed to be, I ask, really?

This is so sad to me. Now i'll be glad to get to heaven too. I'll see my family and freinds who have passed on, and all the kittehs i've loved and lost, and of course be in the presence of Jesus, but that doesn't keep me from living my life here on Earth to it's fullest.

Travesser says later in the program that the outside world is empty. I think it's as empty or as full as you want it to be.

Yes, you can go out into the world and smoke rock, have stupid sex with anyone you meet, marry for money instead of love, spend your life in persuit of material things, and die as empty and worthless as a crushed soda bottle.

Or you could visit an art museum and take in the creativity of your fellow humans. You can sit in a park and watch the squirels and birds and be awed at how they always have enough of what they need. You can go to a library and read books that you'll remember your whole life. (Shameless plug here for A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.) You can climb a lighthouse and think about all the lonely hours the keeper spent up there running the light to keep sailors safe. You can marry someone who is your best freind, who you can't wait to see everyday. You can have a kid, plant a garden, build a house, get a dog.

Of course no discussion of this is complete without me bringing needle work into it. What is empty about making a birth sampler for a freind's baby? Making a quilt? Knitting a sweater?

Or what about people working in hospice care? Or training seeing eye dogs? Or volunteering in a soup kitchen? Or teaching people how to read? You really think their lives are empty?

To me the lives of the people in Strong City seemed empty. They didn't work. I'm sure they did work around the compoud, maybe growing food and cleaning up and such. But in their off time they only seemed to sit and listen to Travesser. When they weren't doing that they were talking about him and what he had said. And of course some time was taken up by the girls and their laying naked time.

I know all this is a moot point. I know that if Travesser was to allow his followers outside the compound or even to think that going into the outside world was desirable then his hold over them would loosen. That it is imperative that they see the world as empty or his sweet life of free money and child abuse is over. I know this.

But it just makes me so fucking sad.

I want to shake these kids. (Fuck the adults, they're a lost cause.) I want to buy them nail polish and makeup, Super Soakers and Playstations. I want to give them a Happy Meal and let them watch Spongebob. I want to make them ride bikes, blow bubbles, go to the movies, and listen to the Jonas Brothers until they wake up and realize that life is great outside the compound. That you don't have to live in a trailer in the desert to be fulfilled. That God isn't a creepy old man who wants you get naked with him. That God put them on this Earth for some reason, that they are supposed to be here, and maybe they should try and figure that reason out instead of sitting around hoping for the end of the world.

As for Travesser, he's the type of person who makes me fervently hope that Hell is real. In the meantime his sweet life of domination and sexual assault has come to an end.

In December 2008, Wayne Bent was convicted of one count of criminal sexual contact of a minor and two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. On Dec 30th he was given the maxium sentence for these crimes, 18 years. However, eight of those years were suspended. (I would really like to know why.) He'll have to serve at least 8 1/2 years before being released.

I've always heard that prison is Hell for child abusers. Again I fervently hope this is true. If not that's ok. Hell is Hell. And I hear it's especially bad on false prophets.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Common Sense: "Detoxing" is Crap. Literally.

Thank you New York Times for publishing an article that says just that.

When I see ads for these detoxing products it drives me crazy. I think of Marge Simpson chiding the three card monty person for preying on the gullible and stupid.

Quick quiz. Have you gone to the bathroom recently? Done #1 or #2? Then you're detoxed.

Remember way back in 10th grade biology when you learned about the excratory system? The kidneys, the liver, the colon? That's your detox right there. God given and perfect. No additional laxatives or diuretics required. (Because you know that's all this stuff is. Laxatives and diuretics.)

Now let's say you haven't been to the bathroom recently. You have problems with that sort of thing. Then you need to be in the care of a doctor. A real, live, went to medical school for like 10 years doctor. A person with MD behind their name. They can figure out why your liver and kidneys are failing. Usually before you die of this sort of thing.

I guess people don't want common sense. They want to believe that what ever is wrong with them can be cured by multiple trips to the bathroom. Well, sorry. Doesn't work that way.

Don't even get me started on those fucking Kinoki foot pads.

Long Weekends are Looooooong.

Well this one was anyway.

We got snow! SNOW! Beautiful, white, fluffy snow! Like, four inches of it! Enough that classes here were cancelled Tuesday and Wednesday.

So my three day weekend turned into a five day weekend. Oh, it was niiiiiice.

I made a snowman, but he didn't send me any snowman themed furniture. Bastard.

I dyed Josh's hoodie since the black was fading.

I did laundry.

I washed dishes and cleaned up my kitchen.

I moved some things into the attic and others into the laundry room to be closer to the attic. (These things are Christmas decorations that still need to make the big move into the attic for another year.)

I watched the inauguration which is notable because I never watch that sort of thing.

I started work on getting my office into order.

I reorganized my cross stitch things.

I finished a UFO (unfinished object) from two years ago. (A small kit of Eeyore and a butterfly.)

I read The Worst Jobs in History and finished The Ghost Map. I picked back up The Subversive Stitch.

I watched a lot of stuff on my Tifaux and then deleted it which makes me very happy. I love to see my available time increase when I delete something.

Basically a whole lot of nothing. Or rather a whole lot of little things that I never seem to get around to doing. That being said I am glad to be back at work. I get stir crazy at home after a while. But it was very nice to relax when I needed to and not have to worry about when the things that needed to be done were going to get done.

Long weekends are loooooong. They're also very nice.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Topic Snack Mix

A little of this, a little of that...

Bride Wars. Ugh. You know, many, many women get married and have nice weddings with the poofy dress and the reception hall and all that without going batshit insane. I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. Most women don't get engaged and then loose their damn minds. Most are able to plan a lovely wedding with all the trimmings with out turning into a wedding obsessed bitch. And in this specific case (if I understand correctly the premise of the movie is that two weddings are booked on the same day, at the same time at the same location) the problem would come down to who signed a contract and made a deposit first. And I doubt this would happen or not be caught earlier in the process. Whatever. One more peice of Women are Crazy Bitches so Let's Continue Denying them Equal Rights crap from Hollywood. Fuck you.

I Was Bitten. This show should be two shows. The first show should be called Don't Fuck With Snakes or Other Dangerous Creatures Dumbass. The second should be called Holy Crap Talk About Some Bad Luck There. The first show could feature people like the guy who decided to take a poisonous rattle snake home for a pet, or the other guy who did the same thing, only put the rattlesnake into a TRASH BAG and didn't even tie it up so of course the snake got out of the bag and was PISSED! The second show could have the guy who was bitten by a Brown Recluse after picking up a blanket off the floor beside his bed and the guy who was mauled and nearly killed by a bear on a fishing trip. And there was the guy who was surfing and was attacked by a Great White Shark, but he was also on I Survived and it kinda bugs me when people like that double dip with the reality shows. Like this one guy who was on Mystery Diagnosis and on Mystery ER. Pick one. Anyway, i'll watch again and be horrified at the spectacularly bad luck of some and the breathtaking stupidity of others.

Intervention. I love some Intervention. But last week's episode about John the diabetic who didn't manage his condition was a crashing bore. I seriously could not bring myself to care. I even fast forwarded through the intervention itself. I felt for the guy not having any freinds and for his parents worrying about his health, but it wasn't good tv. Give me the people shooting up into their necks and freaks with feeding tubes for 14 years any day. That is compelling. John is boring.

Today on my way to work NPR had a story about the word of the year for 2008. They brought up all the variations on Obama, including Nobama which is already being used for his 2012 re-election campaign. That doesn't exist yet. Because he's not even taken office yet! People, let the man take office before talking shit about him possibly running for re-election four years from now. Really. Jeez.

Anyway, those are my assorted thoughts you are welcome to munch on.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Yes We Can have more Random Acts of Geekiness

Remember these? Weren't they fun? Well here's one.

Josh and I were watching The Real Housewives of Orange County a week or two ago (Shut up!). It was the episode where Vicki and Tamra et al go to Lake Havasu in Arizona.

Now each time a segment featuring the Lake would come up the intro would point out that it was 120 degrees there.

After a few segments that mostly featured huge amounts of alcohol being consumed I paused the show and said:

"You know, if it's 120 degrees out there they really don't need to be drinking so much. Alcohol dehydrates you and i'd be worried about getting heat stroke."

To which Josh replied:

"You're such a nerd!"

Yeah, I know.

Dear Provigil: Don't Think Twice

Yes Provigil, this is the end of Us.

I know, this wasn't supposed to happen to you. You're the new hotness for sleep disorders and general wakefullness promotion. You were supposed to sweep me off my feet and make me feel better. Make me feel like doing stuff after I got home from work instead of sleeping. This was supposed to be the start of beautiful freindship that continued on and on until I grew old and you became a generic and I stuck with you for cost reasons. After all, why try a new anti-narcoleptic when you worked fine and were only $10 a month?

But that's not how it's going to be.

I gave you a second chance on the recommendation of my nuerologist. I took you back on the promise that taking 100mg of you twice a day wouldn't give me the headache and that the benefits would outweigh the fact that you interfere with my birth control. What's using a back up method when your sleep disorder is controlled and you can finally function again? Surely that's worth the hassel of hunting down the once again discontinued Today Sponge. Of course it is I told myself.

Of course like so many second chances this one failed.

You failed to provide me with any noticeable improvement with the hypersomnia. I still felt crappy. I still needed to nap on a daily basis. I still dragged myself through the day at work and went home to sleep everyday.

Granted this was when I was only taking the first 100mg dose and not the second. I feared taking that second dose reluctant to put myself in pain. But I decided Monday that a new year meant that I needed to be more compliant and go all in with this second chance. Monday I took my second dose. Tuesday I took both doses. By Tuesday afternoon I had a screaming headache.

You know how when you hit your head on something you have that really intense pain for a split second? That's what my headache felt like. Like I was constantly hitting my head on something.

I took two Imitrex that night and when that didn't get rid of the headache I took an Ambien to try and sleep it off. I still have that headache. It's more manageable, but it's there. I'm hoping it will go away once the higher levels of you are out of my system.

The headache tore it. No more. I will keep taking 100mg of you in the morning to stave off the weird withdrawal sickness I get, but I will never again take a higher dose of you. And as soon as I get a doctor to ok me going off you completely I will.

Don't be too sad though. I'm sure someday you'll find a nice girl with a sleep disorder that you can help. It really is me, not you. I'm one of the few that get terrible headaches from you. So try and buck up. As the song says, don't think twice, it's alright.

I'm getting verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves.

This story was on Jezebel today and I had to share it. Nothing like badass bikers rescuing sweet little kittehs to make me tear up.

There are good people in the world. Sometimes those good people look like what we're told are bad people. You just never know.
ETA: Link to the story the NY Times did on these guys.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Not Oscar Bait.

So I'm starting to doubt that I have a sleep disorder. Basically I don't feel any better on the meds i'm on for the hypersomnia, and they don't seem to be having any effect at all. If anything i've noticed myself getting worse these last few months and certainly these last few weeks.

I'm on a low dose of the Provigil, but I think I should notice it doing something. The Ritalin and the Vyvanse made me jittery, but I wasn't much more awake, alert or energetic on them.

Here lately I've been getting up, taking the Provigil and needing a nap about two hours later. Yesterday I took my morning dose and my afternoon dose then went home and slept two and half hours. Clearly it's not working.

Furthering my doubt along is that I don't always feel sleepy. I want to lay down, I want to close my eyes and I can surely sleep. But I don't always feel sleepy. I often feel worn out, wrung out, generally crappy. Like i'm still getting over a flu. Like I still have Mono (that was ten years ago BTW). Like my blood is made of lead. Something is wrong here and I don't think it's that my brain is confused about whether it's day or night.

Now let me be clear about this: I am not upset with my doctors for possibly diagnosing me with the wrong thing. As far as doctors go I have rolled 20s each time. I think they have put forth a yoeman effort in trying to figure out what the hell is going on here. But fatigue is the king of non specific symptoms and it's baffled and eluded some of the best doctors in the world.

So i'm back on the treadmill of doctors appointments for the time being. At the very least it'll give me something to write about in next year's Christmas letter.

New Year Blahs.

We lost the Liberty Bowl. Damn. Oh well, we're still Conference USA Champs. Not that that's much to crow about.

It's raining here.

I have no energy to take down the Christmas stuff.

I'm so sick of candy. And I have so much of it left.

Back at work. Nuff said.

House is still a wreck. I should really just learn to accept that.

House still needs repairs.

I never did make that ginger bread house. I guess it will be ok in the package until next year.

My only bright spots right now are the new Intervention on my Tifaux and the new Real Housewives of Orange County airing tonight. And my new ring. Which is still really sweet.

But mostly i'm looking forward to going home and getting back in the bed. Only four hours to go.

Friday, January 02, 2009

The obligatory post that mentions the economy

So i've been sitting on my ass watching TV non stop for the last few days and I can't go twenty full minutes without seeing a Cash 4 Gold commercial. I even heard a radio ad earlier tonight on my way to Walgreens encouraging me to sell my broken, used and unwanted jewelry for extra money.

Now I know the economy is in the shitter and doesn't seem to be coming out any time soon. But I can't get over how suddenly the answer to every body's money problems is to sell our jewelry like a bunch of crack heads looking for a fix.

I mean really, is this not the lamest get rich quick scheme you've ever heard? And how much broken and unwanted jewelry do people really have? I doubt it's enough to make a serious dent in anyone's credit card debt or make a mortgage payment.

I don't know. It just strikes me funny that all of a sudden I can't turn around without an ad showing up wanting my old jewelry. It's actually pretty annoying. Hopefully this trend will die out soon. After all, it's called a pawn shop. They've been around forever. This isn't really a new idea.