Monday, July 31, 2006


So Shelayna and Bart's saga wrapped up last night. Before I begin though, I must say one thing. The past two seasons of Bridezillas has sucked. I love the first season. I could watch it over and over again. I love the music, the classy weddings, the fruity announcer. It rocked. But these last two seasons have been awful. Most of the girls are so far from bridezilla territory it's laughable, the music is horrid, and I wish a slow painful death on the announcer. Anyway...

My overall impression of Shelayna (yes that is her name and yes that is how you spell it) was that she needed a Xanax smoothie fast. Why? Well, her fiance Bart has the mind of a five year old. He annoyed the hell out of me. And if I had to hear her say "Bart" in that nagging/whining tone again I was going to have to strangle her.

I know that opposites are supposed to attract and that someone free spirited can help someone too serious lighten up and they can help the other be more grounded, but not in this case. This time they are too opposite and will only suceed in annoying the piss out of each other and everyone around them.

Bart just didn't seem right. He proposed as she got out of the shower? The balancing stuff on his chin? The freeballing in his tux???? Even Josh was grossed out/stupefied by that one. What the fuck? You can't wear underwear on you wedding day? And Josh isn't a stuffed shirt. He wears khakis that have had the bottoms walked off and t-shirts that need to go into the rag pile and even he couldn't believe the freeballing. That boy ai'nt right.

And Shelayna is everything I don't want to be. Late, annoyed at my intended, stressed to the point of tears and yelling. Somebody get her a Klonopin, or a beer or a Tylenol PM. Anything to take the edge off.

However, I can see her being super upset at Bart's brother and his pocket full of beer at the rehearsal. That's ten kinds of wrong. I'm no Puritan, but you don't drink in church. Especially at the altar during a wedding rehearsal!!! Again, those boys ai'nt right.

Over all I don't think Shelayna was a bridezilla. She just needed a tranquilizer and a grown man to marry rather than a child. Here's hoping that most of it was an act for the cameras.

What i've been up to...

  • What i've been doing in the past week since my last post:

    Working on my first Mirabilia pattern
    Working on my bridesmaids gifts
    Trying to keep our house clean
    Neglecting the back yard
    Being attacked by a cricket in the attic as I pulled down the ladder causing me to drop it on myself and wind up with a nasty bruise
    Referring to the bruise as "the Chupacabra bite"
    Kinda liking Paris Hilton's song
    Hating myself for liking Paris Hilton's song
    Celebrating a my birthday with my parents
    Celebrating Josh's new job
    Having my bridal portrait done
    Watching Bridezillas. Sorry, Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidezillas!
    Reading the recaps of Bridezillas
    Planning a series of posts on the Bridezillas
    Making the switch from Effexor to Cymbalta
    Coping with the change in sleep that has come from that change
    Making Josh watch weird, gross and creepy X-Files (Chaco Chicken anyone?)
    Lusting after David Duchovny (Mmmmmmm....)
    Treating Josh's wart, which is huge and speaks German
    Nervously counting the days until the Big Day
    Planning the rehearsal dinner

    And finally,

    Setting the above picture as my wallpaper at work where it makes me laugh everytime

    Post about the BP coming. What a story that was...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Woo Hoo! We Win!!!

No, not the NC lottery. But after shacking up for almost four years North Carolina just made it legal! You thrush your pelvis, ugh! You thurst your plevis, ugh!

I love it when asinine laws are struck down!

Monday, July 17, 2006

Geeks rule.

As anyone reading this blog knows there is a lot of shit slung about gamers and geeks in general. Too often we are charecterized as paranoid malcontents, weirdos, obsessives, 40 year old virgins and children in adult bodies. Our interests are regarded as foolish, strange, boring, and if your interest is video games, potentially lethal. (Confidential to Jack Thompson: Go fuck yourself.)

But what do they know? Fucktards. And next time anyone wants to give you shit ask them if they heard about the World of Warcraft guild that saved a cancer patient from financial ruin.

Monday, July 10, 2006

That's damn fine tea you have here in Atlantic Beach. Damn good fries too.

The following is a list of unbride-like things I consumed this weekend:

One Bojangles country ham biscuit on the way out of town.
Several Butterfinger flavored Chewy Granola Bars.
Two baskets of hushpuppies and butter.
North Carolina blue crab meat panned in butter.
Stringbeans cooked with country ham.
Sweet tea.
A mint chocolate chip milkshake.
White chocolate macadamia nut cookies.
A Cubbies Cheeseburger with Freedom fries (insert eyeroll here.)
More sweet tea.
Beef Jerky.
8 oz. sirloin cooked meduim well with A-1.
Baked potato.
More fries and sweet tea.
Three slabs of fudge from the Beaufort Fudge Factory (in peanut butter, chocolate and butter pecan).
A 1/3 pound cheeseburger from Finz with, you guessed it, fries and sweet tea.
Many, many pouches of Capri Sun.

It's a good thing my mom is small like me. That way in 8 days when my bridal portrait is done she can hide behind my skirt and hold my bodice closed.

Breakin' the law! Breakin' the law!

As of Saturday my driver's license is expired. Today I am booked solid (not really, but until 5:00 when the DMV closes) so I guess tomorrow I will go to the DMV and wait until my next birthday to renew my license. Until then I plan on driving the exact speed limit, always using my turn signals (which I do anyway) and feigning ignorance if I do get pulled.

But what really irritates me about all this is that in three months I will have to go and have my name changed on my license. So more money to the DMV and another hellish wait.

Now I am the queen of saying that "it's just a thing" and not a big deal. And this isn't really a big deal. But it's a small annoying deal worthy of a Sideshow Bob stepping on multiple rakes grumble.

Who's cravin' Morehead? Apparently I am.

This Saturday I turned the the big 2-5. Now my age can be expressed in quaters of centuries. So to celebrate Josh and I went to the happiest place on earth.

No, not Disneyland/world. Atlantic Beach, NC. And the neighbor towns of Morehead City and Beaufort. Technically we went to Morehead City and visited Atlantic Beach and Beaufort. Why? Well, someone forgot to make hotel reservations in time to stay at our usual hotel. Possibly while high. Cypress Hill i'm looking in your direction.

Anyway, for the next few days I will be posting about all the ways one can geek out/nerd it up at the beach. There are more than you may think.