Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
(Image from www.iheartguts.com where I will surely be spending some of my Christmas money.)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Was it really necessary to show the pasty white flabby ass of George as he got a massage? I mean really people. I nearly lost my dinner. Ugh.
And as Lauri lay face down stretched out getting her massage with her leg hanging out of the sheet, all I could think of was that it looked like she had been murdered. All she needed was some stab wounds.
Is that bad?
It is? Oh well. Don't care. Lauri, we all hate you. We all know you're a gold digger who threw your drug addicted kid under the bus for the latest fat wallet that would agree to marry you. And all that plastic surgery has made you look like a horse after Chernobyl. I'm happy to see you go. Please don't return. You are fucking up my guilty pleasure and giving me nightmares.
Yes that's right. Of all the shows I watch on a regular basis, Most Evil, Deranged, Crime Stories, it's you and your freaky face that haunts my subconscious. Not Richard Ramirez. Not The Vampire of Sacramento. Not Charles Manson. You.
Maybe next week i'll be able to enjoy my brain candy. With you on the show i'm forced to think of your son in jail and how he may not have ended up there if you weren't such a self-centered parent. And your daughter Ashley who can't get a single word of praise or encouragement to pass your deformed silly putty lips. Or you youngest who you say hasn't disapointed you. Yet.
Yes Lauri. Your presence on The Real Housewives of Orange County makes me think too much. And that isn't what this show is about.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I've tuned in so many times to watch Nova or Frontline only to be disapointed. I blamed it on the election. PBS has to cover the NC Governor debates, right? Of course they do. I forgave you PBS. Many times.
But last night was the last straw. I was excited! Point of View: Inheritance. The daughter of a Nazi officer at Plaszow meets a woman who lived through the hell of the concentration camp and finds out how evil her dad was. This is like porn to me. First person, living witness, history geek porn. I tuned in at 9:00 ready to get my history on.
Winterfest. You were begging for money PBS. And you know, I've thought about donating to you before. But why donate when I don't even watch? Well heck, i'll start watching PBS. And then heartbreak.
So up yours PBS. I'm going out with your hotter, more reliable brother PBS.org. At least he has a lot of shows I want to see online. He won't let me down like you have.
Empty curio cabinet in the middle of a reorganization that is on hold surrounded by various cardboard boxes that contain presents that need to be wrapped or very fragile frogs from the curio cabinet that are nestled in packing peanuts. Also three rolls of wrapping paper, some adhesive gift labels and a pop up tape dispenser.
TV and TV stand surrounded by not so fragile frogs from the curio cabinet in addition to all the ususal crap that finds it's way there for some reason.
In the corner, a naked North Carolina Frasier Fir in the stand with the prettier side facing the corner. Yes, we got a tree. No, it has not been decorated.
Fireplace that we don't use because we don't know how to use the gas logs. My silk topiaries look pretty because I put the bows on them last night. Above them is the mantle with the ususal assortment of wedding pictures surrounded by, you guessed it. More frog refugees from the curio cabinet who were originally on the sewing machine that was in the corner until we had to move it to make room for the tree.
Corner. This is where the magic happens. Yes this corner is my lair, nest, foxhole, flying coccoon. It contains my recliner from Goodwill, all the various projects i'm working on, and everything else important. Mail for me, my medicine, my DS, my Wii controller, various catalogs, my Animal Crossing strategy guide, usually some snacks. Everything. It will never be neat and clean. So! Moving on!
The couch. The couch is actually in good shape. There is no crap on it. There is plenty of crap around and in front of it on the coffee table. I don't know what this crap is. I only know that to keep the coffee table clean I would have to move it from the living room to the attic where it will never be used again. And then we would just start putting crap on the floor in front of the couch.
Desk. On the desk is a colony called New Froginton. Living here are the frogs who left the curio cabinet to start a new society of pious frogs who live simply and seek only to glorifiy their amphibious creator and escape the corrupt and sinful reign of King Ribbit. And the laptop. And in the chair is the stack of DVDs that was on the sewing machine before it was moved to make room for the tree. And there's a hole in the bottom of the sea.
Finally we come to the hope chest. This currently houses the two foot tall tree I decorated for my dolls, the presents I've wrapped so far and the various other things that reside there the rest of the year. I don't think a fly could find room to land on it in it's current state.
Oh, and the floor needs to be vacuumed. And in the kitchen we still have the box that the big TV came in. I've been throwing other boxes in it. And the sewing machine and it's chair are in the kitchen along with the ususal mess that's in the kitchen.
So my house is a wreck. More so than ususal. And getting things to where they need to be hinges on several things that don't seem like they're going to happen anytime soon. But that's ok. Because this is why hot chocolate tastes great with some Bailey's in it. To keep people from going mental during the holiday upheaval. Right? Right?
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
I'm not sure why i'm not feeling it right now. I think part of it comes from living in NC where it doesn't get cold until November and rarely if ever snows. Snow would help with my mood. Or maybe not having to worry about all the effort that goes into Christmas. The tree, the moving things, the dragging crap out of the attic. I don't mind the shopping, but I just don't feel well enough to do everything else normally done at Chirstmas. Like baking. I love baking. But the prospect of getting my kitchen dirty and having to clean it makes me want to take a nap.
But I have resolved to try and get in the mood. Things are coming out of the attice tomorrow, i've ordered a Christmas dress for Abigail and i'm looking forward to dressing her and the other girls up. And tonight I decided to open the spumante I bought for Thanksgiving and get loaded and watch The Nutcracker.
Of course on second thought maybe that was a bad idea. When I was watching this the other night it just made me depressed that I never became a ballerina. (For realz. I seriously wanted to be a ballet dancer when I grew up. I didn't grow out of it when I hit puberty.) Oh well, what's more normal at Chirstmas than depression?
I guess the answer to that is dragging a live tree into your house to sit in water, cover with electric lights and surround with flamable things. And fattening food. And watching Russian people skip around in tights. Is that the magic of Christmas i'm starting to feel? Or is the alcohol starting to kick in? Meh. What difference does it make?
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
The decision to buy a big ass TV came about because Josh's old TV in his den was losing color constantly and had to be whacked with a broom handle to get the color to come back. That has actually been going on for a while now. But then last week his Dish Network DVR died. This complicated things because:
-We technically own that reciever
-So rather than calling up Dish Network and having them send out a new one, we would have to pay for a new one which is at least a couple hundred dollars
-Which would be silly because we would need a new HD reciever anyway once we got the big TV
-And that would surely happen before the new reciever died
-So we may as well go ahead and get the big TV and go to Dish HD now that the TV and the reciever have croaked at the same time and the reciever is free with the sign up for the HD programming upgrade.
Make sense? Basically Josh got a new TV because his reciever/DVR died, his TV was on life support, I really didn't want to be his Tivo monkey for the forseeable future, and Circuit City gave him 36 months no interest. But he's happy and i'm happy he's happy eventhough I don't get the big TV thing.
I do however get the super cool refrigerator, dishwasher, diamond earring thing...
I told you I was a consumer whore.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
And with exception of the use of the term "tard" is that so wrong? No. No it isn't. Maybe the world would be a better place if we could all get 'tard happy so easily.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A few days later (Sunday to be exact) I noticed the tire was low again. I planned to leave work Monday and go to the place that Only Does Tires (and rims, and inspections and oil changes, but they have Tire in their name, so that's like their specialty) and have them look at it. Josh's theory of tire leakage was that the stem needed replacing and that is where the leak was coming from.
I tried on Monday to get to the Only Does Tires place and failed due to a terrible traffice jam that frustrated me so bad that I gave up and returned to my office to wait for Josh. (Our work schedules are weird. Three days a week he's here but works later than me, the other two days he's at the community college and also works later than me, but is home for a short period during the day. He also teaches two night classes. So yeah. Effed up schedules.)
Tuesday I tried again taking a different route to avoid any traffic and actually made it to the tire place. I dropped off my keys and sat down in the waiting area with the only decent magazine in the place, a Time from mid-September. And as lame as this was I was just happy that the waiting room TV wasn't tuned in to Fox News. (Really, what is up with that? I can't go in a waiting room these days without a fucking TV blaring and it's always, always set to Fox News. How about something neutral like Animal Planet, or The Weather Channel? I know i'm in NC but fuck, we aren't all right wing maniacs. And some people are annoyed and depressed by the news and don't appreciate having to hear/watch it while waiting to find out the results of your colonoscopy. Or here's an idea, how about no TV in the waiting room? How about we all just look through old magazines or read the book we brought or play Tetris like we all used to do before someone decided to start sticking flat screens every damn where! Jeez! Can I please wait to see a doctor/dentist/vet/mechanic/or shop at Wal-Mart without some flickering box hanging around? )
The TV in the waiting area was small and was running a looping DVD about car maintenace so it was easily ignored and kinda quaint and charming given the other waiting rooms i've been in recently (see above rant). So I settled in to read about the financial crisis and the election as it was a month ago.
And then this college girl came in. And of course she was on her cell phone.
Now I like my cell phone. It's convient and the long distance is cheap as hell. But I also like not being an asshole. So as a general rule I don't have conversations on my phone in public. And conversations I do have in public I keep short, quiet and discreet. I don't answer my phone when i'm with someone else unless it's probably an emergency and then I excuse myself first. I basically try not to act like a boar. Or like the girl who joined me in the waiting area of the tire place on Tuesday.
First of all she called everyone she knew and told them about how she failed her inspection at Jiffy Lube then had to come here to get stuff fixed that Jiffy Lube couldn't fix and planned to go back to Jiffy Lube to have them re-inspect her car. She also asked everyone she talked to about their plans for Halloween and if they wanted to tailgate with them on Saturday. (Two constants in a college town: tailgating and a big Halloween celebration.)
Now this was annoying enough, but then she called someone else and after the Jiffy Lube Inspection Drama Story and the Halloween/Tailgating plan making she apprently learned that the person she was talking to had a convesation with Mary mother of Jesus because the rest of the conversation went like this:
"What did she say?
"Come on, tell me!"
And it went on like that! Over and over she begged this person to share the secret of the fucking universe with her. At least it had better have been the secret of the universe as annoying as she was about hearing it.
Just as I was about to snap and stuff her head first into the soda machine I saw a man come back in with my keys.
I jumped up and half-ran to the counter anxious to get the fuck away from this idiot and her cell phone.
As I was paying the man I asked what was wrong with my tire. (Remember the tire? The whole thing that started this?)
"It had a nail in it."
And that's when my brain turned to toothpaste and leaked out of my ears.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
We exchanged gifts once Josh got home. His was still in the Amazon box, mine still in the padded Nature's Jewelry envelope. He liked his books and graphic novels. I liked my earrings, but was disapointed that my bracelet was backordered.
We went to Outback and had some mixed drinks, a fried onion and steak. My steak was square. I don't know why, but it was a square sirloin. It was also rarer than I would have liked, but not bad.
We went to Walgreens so Josh could buy me a card. (A repeat from last year when we did the same thing after leaving Red Lobster.)
We exchaged cards then spent the rest of the night watching Married With Children repeats he had recorded from TBS.
All in all a nice anniversary.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008