I Love You Prilosec...I'll Never Let Those Assholes Take You Away From Me.

Except that i'm realizing now after a somewhat greasy lunch and a lot of Crystal Light (acidic) that I forgot to take my Prilosec this morning. I have some Rolaids Soft Chews in my desk, but they are child's play compared to the Prilosec. I LOVE the Prilosec. Whenever some numbnut starts bitching about how we all take too many pills I think of my Prilosec and sigh longingly. Water used to give me heartburn. Water! So you can see the whole chaging my diet and drinking more water didn't do much to help. Better living through chemistry y'all.

I'm in my Own Private Hell.

The person on the other side of my cube is listening to the Hamster Dance for THE SECOND TIME!!! Remember the Hamster dance? Mildly amusing ten years ago? Well, yeah, he just found it and is playing it loudly AGAIN! If he does it a third time i'll be blogging from jail after I bust up his computer and get arrested for destroying state property! Gah!

Finally! A Wall-E Cross Stitch!

I've waited so long! Hooray!

The Fucker is at it AGAIN!

More cigar smoke! GAH!!! I'm going to hit this person with my ring hand! And with a 0.86 carat diamond it's GOING TO HURT!

Head Meet Keyboard.

So i've posted a lot here about my 99% liberal views and my feminist convictions as well as my marriage and other assorted what not. Marriage and Feminism make strange bedfellows, but I never had a conflict in my mind about entering into what was once a very patriarchal institution because Josh and I aren't that way and I felt that our marriage is what we make of it, not what is has been historically and in some cases still is.

But since the only people who read this blog are my Mom, my Sister, and Jessica C. i'm not famous enough to cause a stir with the whole Marriage + Feminism = FREAKOUT as Feministing's Jessica Valenti and Andrew Golis are.

Jezebel has the whole rundown of the brouhaha including the responses of two conservative asses calling her a bridezilla and other assorted insults for deciding to get married in a way that was comfortable for her and her fiance instead of how they think it should be done. To which I of course say Fuck. Off.

I encourage you to read the post if no other reason than the hilarious All New Marriage Application. But also think about who we want controlling things that are very private and very personal. People who march lockstep with The Way Things Should Be or people who understand that there is no one path to happiness and let adults make their own decisions on their own and based on what is right for them?

10 Annoying Habits of a Geeky Spouse

So Wired has up an article about the 10 Annoying Habits of a Geeky Spouse, and yeah, it's pretty accurate.

Josh is very bad about #2, not with Klingon, but with frak. Frak to me is like nails on a chalkboard. It's so far from fuck that it just rubs me completely wrong. Even hearing it on BSG annoys me.

#5 doesn't bother me. Josh can wear what he wants and if someone around him doesn't get his t-shirt then it's no skin off my ass.

#6, oh my God, yes! I cannot tell you how much old computer crap is in our shed or how many movies and video games Josh has. Plus the action figures, books, comic books and other types of swag that he's collected over the years. I don't know how we'll afford a house big enough to store all this stuff, and it just. Keeps. Coming. Every game he buys is the special edition with the figures or the poster or the collectable packaging. I honestly try very hard not to think about it.

The other things on the list are less of an issue with Josh, but I would like to propose a number eleven: Trying to convert your spouse to your kind of geekiness via gifts.

I can't tell you how long it took for Josh to realize that if I didn't ask for a video game for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary/etc. that meant that I didn't want a video game and not to buy one because I would say thanks but then never play it. It honestly took years of fail on Josh's part to get this. There is a scene in a Family Guy episode where Lois is opening gifts to unwrap another sword from Peter. After a few meaningful looks Josh asked if that was him. I said yes. I have a lot of 'swords' that were well intentioned, but hopeless gifts in the end.

But by and large i'll take the annoying habits of my geeky spouse any day over the annoying habits i've read about with non geeky spouses. Josh's passion for video games/action figures/comic books means that he gets my passion for dolls and collecting cross stitch patterns. He never nitpicks me over money I spend on my hobbies because his invariably cost more. He doesn't hassle me to dress sexy all the time because I don't hassle him to not wear the Gears of War t-shirt again. We'll make space for his stuff the same way we'll make space for mine. As always the geeky marriage comes down to just being a marriage. Compromise, understanding, love. Same as it ever was.

Oh Heaven Help Me.

So someone is outside my building smoking a cheap cigar and i'm so tempted to find them, cuss them out for smoking under an intake vent and then vomit on them from their disgusting choice of tobacco product.

NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING stinks like a Goddamn cigar. I HATE a fucking cigar.

Lord give me strength not to vomit into my trash can.

Glorified Cube 2315 is Happy to Welcome IE 7!

Yes, you read that right. I just now installed IE 7. I finally have tabbed browsing here at work! Yea! I'm excited!

And also, it's Friday! And it's lunchtime! WOO HOO! Time to find a Frontline on PBS.org to watch while I eat my Lean Cuisine cheese ravioli. Aw yeah.

Back to Work.

So i've returned to work after my two days off for Spring Break. And you know what is annoying the hell out of me? That my super advanced Cisco IP phone doesn't have the sense to spring forward. So my computer says 9:47 and my phone says 8:47. I've been through the settings and have found nothing to change the time. The last time the time changed I think it took a month or so for the phone to wise up. Really, really annoying.

ETA: Ok, I have an email in my inbox from Monday about this. Apparently this is an issue with some of these ultra fancy phones and ITCS is working on a fix. It should be worked out by next week. Still annoying. How much did this phone cost? And Cisco knows that it doesn't update for daylight savings? Please.

SPRING BREAK!!! WOOOO! Well, When Are We Going to Get Rowdy?

Bart on Spring Break in Knoxville. Awesome episode. Fun fact, my first Spring Break in college I took a trip to Knoxville. Not my idea I swear. I even got to see the Wig Sphere, I mean, Sun Sphere.

Anyway, i'm an old married woman now and Spring Break for me means that I take two days off work and do my sping cleaning. I had planned to get rowdy with some Venetian Sunsets today, but I couldn't buy the champange this morning at the grocery store. Here in NC you can't sell alcohol before noon on Sunday. I guess someone might get drunk and go to church. So instead I cleaned my corner of the living room, spray painted a picture frame, hosed off my silk plants, washed all the curtains, cleaned the refrigerator, windexed the light fixture in the kitchen, and used a Magic Eraser on the mail box stand.

Tomorrow I plan on putting Killz over the water spots in the ceiling left from past tropical storms, washing my kitchen cabinets, cleaning windows, repairing the doorbell, washing the curtains in the bedroom that can only be handwashed, and trying to bring some order to the chaos that is my office.

Oh yeah. Spring Break. It's a laugh riot around here. It's almost as fun as being at work.

Oh and by the way...

For all of those who expressed surprise at me going out with my freinds this weekend, along the lines of Brandi has freinds? and Brandi goes places? You all can kiss the lower part of the backside of the canister that is my body.

And Lo, The Seventh Seal Was Opened, And Brandi Went to the Club

No, really. I went to the club this weekend with a few freinds. It was a bithday celebration so I felt like an asshole not going. I had fund hanging out and shopping and having dinner with the girls, but I did not like the club.

It always pissed me off as a kid when people would say "How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it?" That still applies. Josh kept telling me Friday that I would go to the club and end up liking it and spending all my time there until I found someone new. No, I don't know what he was smoking. These are a few things I know about myself: I don't like loud places, I don't like crowded places, I don't like paying $10 to get in somewhere, I don't like paying huge amounts for drinks, I don't like being out super late, and I don't like paying large amounts of money for clothes that I can't wear to work.

This is what I know about the club: It is very loud and crowded. The cover varies, but can be pretty high. The drinks are too expensive to really catch a buzz on. No on even goes to the club before 10 pm. The clothes that you wear to the club are not clothes you can wear to work. At least not in my kind of work. So it's not a big leap to assume that knowing myself pretty well and what I like and don't like that I can safely guess that the club wasn't for me. But hey, I went. And I am know 100% certain that my life as a homebody who loves to cross stitch while watching tv and going to to bed early is for me. Just like I was before.

General Manager. Not So Great Akshually.

Josh likes to say i'm the general manager of the house. In wrestling this would mean that set up the matches and whatnot and had my own office and was an important part of the organization.

In real life this means that i'm the one who has to call the Turd Merchant to get the septic tank pumped. So...yeah...

Posts I Would Have Put on Twitter This Weekend if I Was on Twitter.

1. Saturday morning i'm driving to Wal-mart and I see Grimace and the Hamburgler outside the McDonald's with ballons doing some sort of promotion. And I thought, do kids even know who Grimace and the Hamburgler are anymore? I haven't seen them in a commercial for McDonald's in ages.
2. My mail carrier still doesn't know what the large yellow DO NOT BEND stickers on my mail mean as I found another package marked that way crammed into my mailbox this weekend. I know you phone it in since you're a goverment employee, but come on.
3. I watched my first episode of Battlestar Gallactica this weekend with Josh. In the four minutes that Guyas Baltar was on screen in the first half of the show he proved himself to be a complete tool who I hate eventhough I probablly won't watch the show again. Unless he gets beaten up or killed. Then i'll tune in.
4. Edward James Olmos really does have skin the texture of a decorative autumn squash. It fits his charecter on BSG as Odama, but I feel for the man in the future.
5. I have a few questions about BSG. First of all, where do the Cylons get their make up and hair products from? They look great where as the Humans look like they haven't had soap in ten years. And where does all the booze come from? If they left Earth with the booze surely it's running low by now. Are they making toilet wine like in prison? And where the hell did the piano in the bar come from? This is just silly.
6. Have you seen the commercial for the weight loss cookies? The one where everyone is saying that they took the cookie from the cookie jar? And they say that you can save all this money by eating these diet cookies instead of real food? Yeah, you're supposed to have ONE COOKIE for breakfast, ONE for lunch, then I guess a sensible dinner as Slimfast used to call it. I'll tell you why you're saving money. Because starving is cheap! One cookie! A magical weightloss cookie that can't taste that good? Fuck you. I'll be fat.
7. Speaking of which, I found out at the doctors a few weeks ago that I have gained weight and am now above my personal limit by two pounds. And a few weeks ago I also found out I have high cholesterol. So i'm changing my diet a bit and hope to start exercising soon. Bleh.
8. Got completely lost yesterday trying to find Jessica's baby shower. (Yes, Jessica C. Check out her blog and her Etsy page.) I actually had given up on finding the place and was heading home when I noticed a sign for the church by the road and showed up an hour late. I hate being late as much as I hate being lost. But i'm glad I made it. I would have hated missing the shower even more.
9. While watching Spongebob this weekend (Yes I watch Spongebob. But only the older episodes. The new ones are unwatchable.) I saw a commercial for a Littlest Pet Shop playset. It came with an exclusive new pet, the porcupine. You dumbasses. No one wants a porcupine for a pet. Porcupines are wild animals and their quills break off once they've lodged in your skin. They are not cute or cuddly at all. The new pet should be a hedgehog. I know they are often confused, but come on. Google porcupine and tell me anyone would want one as a pet. As a former hedgie owner this really bugged me.

So that was my weekend if I had put it on Twitter. Which I didn't because i'm not on Twitter, because I don't get Twitter. Because i'm old. That is also why i'm not on Facebook or Myspace. I'm going to go polish my cane now and talk about how things used to cost less than they do now.

That'll Do Janlynn. That'll Do.

Janlynn has apologized to 123Stitch and will be turning the 123stitch.net address over to them. They claim that this was a mistake, but i'm not so sure. Either way i'm happy to be able to shop from Janlynn again. They have very nice patterns and when I buy directly from them I always get a free item. Now all I need is some damn money.

Advice Do-Over: Carey Tennis 2-18-09

Ever notice that Carey Tennis is the only advice columnist I seem to do over? Yeah, well, he fucked this one up bad.

Dear Cary,

I am a longtime reader and fan of your column. I'm not really sure that my problem falls into any of the usual categories. My husband is a hard-core environmentalist. I am also, but to a lesser degree. I've made many concessions to try to make him happy, such as living without a car and becoming a vegetarian. I am the main breadwinner and work 50+ hours a week, plus I run a small business on the side to help put him through graduate school. I don't have a lot of free time, but I do a lot of the housework. Here is where the problem comes in.
My husband becomes enraged if he catches me putting clothes in the dryer (instead of hanging them outside) or if I forget to turn down the water heater (he insists that it be turned off whenever we're not using immediately.) I've gone around and around with him, trying to point out that there are reasonable limits to what a person can do to save energy and decrease her carbon footprint.

Sometimes my time is simply more valuable than the energy I burn to save it. He doesn't see it this way and accuses me of being lazy and uncommitted. I'm feeling increasingly inadequate and resentful. Over time he is becoming more and more extreme. Apart from the environmental thing, my husband is a very sweet and gentle person. It's like he's morphing into Captain Planet. Or the Planetary Avenger. Or something. Can you offer any fresh insights into the situation?

Sincerely,
NC Hippie

Dear NC Hippie,

Your husband is not an enviromentalist. He is a control freak and an abuser. His need to control you and his insulting you when you don't do things his way is a huge red flag. Like all abusive partners he is sweet and gentle after he insults you so you will continue to stick around hoping for the good parts to come. Like all abusive partners he will escalate his controlling behavior until you are completely dominated by him and your fear of his anger if you don't do things just right. Get out. Get out now before it gets any worse. If you need help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.

Maybe Turning a Corner

I won't go into too many details but i'm trying a new medication for my Hypersomnia starting today and i'm getting a little excited. I'm really hoping that this will be what i've been waiting for and will finally be able to live my life again the way I used to. Excelsior!

A Post Valentine's Post

Sunday night I went to Walgreens to pick up a few prescriptions and see what cheap candy I could score.

While I was searching the mangled remains of the candy I heard something behind me. On the toy side of the aisle someone had started up a musical toy. The toy was a stuffed wolf on top of a lamb and played Hungry Like the Wolf, and the lamb would periodically baah.

So the wolf was on top of the lamb like it was going to kill and eat the poor thing and the lamb seemed to be crying for help. Not very romantic. Sorta creepy. In fact if I had received this as a gift for Valentine's day I think I would have to break up with the person who gave it to me. I mean really. What the fuck?

VD is for everybody!

You've seen that right? This. I'm so old. I saw this originally on Nick at Night, not YouTube. Anyway...

Not that kind of VD.

Our Valentine's Day was very nice as it always is. This morning I was catching up on my blogs and read a Consumerist post about how spending on diamonds is down, how guys were lined up at the Godiva store and how the best way to have a nice, cheaper, Valentines was to avoid manufactured sentiment and do something that was meaningful for you. Shocking, I know.

Josh and I have been doing this for years. This is the third year in a row we've gone to Cracker Barrel for dinner and it's now a tradition. We had to wait for a table, but that was ok. It wasn't terribly cold and we laughed our asses off at the hoarse girl on the intercom calling for tables and complained about the terrible country music.

Instead of traditional Valentine's gifts Josh gave me a cross stitch kit (above), a book on needle tatting, and a pair of inexpensive earrings from my Amazon wishlist. I gave him a book of H.P. Lovecraft, The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe, and Zombie Ninja Pro Am. No super expensive flowers. No cheap diamonds from Kmart. Just stuff we both really liked that showed how much we care for and get each other. I'm not seeing what's so hard or revolutionary about that.

Anyway it was lovely. And geeky. Nothing says love like H.P. Lovecraft.

Not Cool Janlynn. Not Cool.

So today i'm catching up with my cross stitch boards and I come across a post about one of my favorite online stores 123 Stitch.com.

123 Stitch.com has been a favorite of mine for awhile. They offer most things discounted and have a very large selection of products for cross stitch, needlepoint, crewel and even scrapbooking and rubber stamp supplies.

However, Janlynn, a large craft designer and company has registered the URL www.123Stitch.NET . That's right. Click on it. See. It takes you to Janlynn's website.

Now Janlynn has some lovely designs and I have bought many of their charts and kits before, but this is fucked up. I can see why an upstart business would try and snake customers from an establised site, but a company as big as Janlynn should know better. This is a questionable business practice of Wal-Mart proportions.

I doubt there is much to be done, but I will be sending Janlynn a nastygram. I'll probably avoid their products for a while in the hopes that they will resolve this issue. And I will be sure to pimp www.123stitch.com as much as I can when it's appropriate to. See. I did it right there. Follow the link, browse around, throw them some business. It'll be good for the economy.