Thursday, September 25, 2008

Advice Do-over: Carey Tennis 9-19-08

Ok, I have to say, Carey didn't botch this one too bad. However, he did go a few places that I would not advise so that's why we're hitting the reset button.

I am a gay man and I help financially support my parents. They say they are registered independents yet are voting Republican for the third straight presidential election, in a swing state no less. This hurts me because, as we all know, the Republicans make discrimination against gays part of their party platform, and use us to drive their base to the polls. My parents make excuses, usually related to fiscal policy, to justify their decision, but it feels like just that, an excuse. My question is, am I justified in cutting off the money?

He goes on, but let me stop here. No. No you are not justified in cutting off your parents because you don't like who they vote for. Every person in this country who is over 18 and hasn't had their voting rights suspended due to a felony gets to vote for who ever they want. Republican, Democrat, Communist, the freaky looking Jack in the Box guy, doesn't matter. You turn 18, you register, you don't commit felonies, you get to press a button, flush a toilet, fill in a bubble, write in your person, for whoever you think is the best choice. Period.

Your parents are adults and citizens and they get this right the same as you. Would you have thought it fair if they had cut you off in college for this reason? Of course not. Because it isn't fair to cut someone off for this reason period.

Why can you cut off your parents? Lots of reasons. They were/are abusive and you want to end your relationship with them. They spend the money on drugs/booze/gambling and you aren't going to enable them anymore. They can't handle money period and you really just need to get a lawyer involved so they don't send all the money to the new Jimmy Swaggart. You're giving them so much you can't pay your bills or save for your future. These are all reasons you can cut your parents off. But not for who they vote for.

You have to step back and see their political difference as something personal that you have no business being involved in. Because you don't. I know that's hard with you being gay and the Republicans often actively working against you, but what really matters here is the small picture. Your parents love you, support you, are warm and nice to your husband, and are grateful for your help. The end.

You owe them respect that you can show by letting their polictical differences rest. You've talked to them and they are holding fast. The. End. Closed subject.

Keep sending them the money they need. Keep giving them the love and respect they've earned by bringing you into the world, loving you and supporting you. And the next time you have some time reflect on all the gay people out there who don't have parents to send money to because they died, or cut off contact because their child was gay, or are still openly hostile toward their kid. They love and support you. To steal a phrase from Carolyn Hax, congrats, you won the lottery.

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